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{{TranscriptBox |p= Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future|n= Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality}}
āˆ’
{{Stub}}
 
āˆ’
{{TranscriptBox |p= Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future|n= TBA}}
 
āˆ’
{{Construction}}
 
 
{| class="wikitable" width="100%" valign="top"
 
{| class="wikitable" width="100%" valign="top"
 
!
 
!
āˆ’
|''Episode opens up with Bill laughing ''
+
|''Episode opens with Bill laughing below the tear in the sky.''
 
|-
 
|-
 
![[Bill Cipher]]
 
![[Bill Cipher]]
āˆ’
|Oh, it's happening. It's finally finally happening! ''(continues laughing)'' Physical form? Don't mind if I do! ''(suddenly vanishes) ''
+
|Oh, it's happening. It's finally finally happening! ''(Continues laughing as what appears to be muscle fiber covers him)'' Physical form? Don't mind if I DO! ''(Is encased in a metal pyramid and vanishes) ''
 
|-
 
|-
 
![[Blendin Blandin]]
 
![[Blendin Blandin]]
āˆ’
|Huh?! What just happened? Oh. Oh man. This is bad! ''(turns and sees Mabel in a bubble with her symbol on it which locks her there)''. THIS IS REAL BAD! Guys, we've got a situation! ''(Blendin presses a button on his watch, causing him to vanish.)''
+
|Huh?! What just happened? ''(As [[Mabel Pines]] is lifted up and locked into a [[Prison Bubble|bubble]] with her [[Zodiac|shooting star symbol]] on it)'' Oh. Oh man. This is bad! This is real bad! Guys, we've got a situation! ''(Presses a button on his watch, causing him to vanish)''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!
 
!
āˆ’
|''(the town rumbles)''
+
|''Cut to downtown.''
 
|-
 
|-
āˆ’
!Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs
+
![[Deputy Durland]] and [[Sheriff Blubs]]
āˆ’
|What the--?
+
|What theā€”?
 
|-
 
|-
  +
![[Tyler Cutebiker]]
āˆ’
!Lazy Susan
 
  +
|''(Gasps)''
āˆ’
|What?
 
  +
|-
  +
![[Lazy Susan]]
  +
|Wha?
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Bill
 
!Bill
āˆ’
|(deep voice:) (laughs) Alright, listen up you one lifespan, three dimensional, five sense skin puppets! (Normal voice:) For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill. But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity. (melts the statue of Nathaniel Northwest)
+
|''(Laughs, deep voice:)'' Alright, listen up you one lifespan, three dimensional, five sense skin puppets! ''(Normal voice:)'' For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill! But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity! ''(Melts the statue of [[Nathaniel Northwest]])''
 
|-
 
|-
  +
!Blubs, Durland, and Tyler
āˆ’
!
 
  +
|Ah!
āˆ’
|(Blubs, Durland and Tyler gasp)
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Bill
 
!Bill
āˆ’
|Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. 8 Ball, Kryptos, the being whose name must never be said. Haha what the heck. It's Xanthar. Then of course there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Sahpe, Pyronica, Pacifier, and these guys. This is our town now, boys! (The monsters laugh)
+
|Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. ''(As they come out of the scar in the sky)'' [[8 Ball]]! [[Kryptos]]! The being whose name must never be said! Haha, what the heck. It's [[Zanthar]]. Then of course there's also [[Teeth]], [[Keyhole]], [[Hectorgon]], [[Amorphous Shape]], [[Pyronica]], [[Paci-Fire]], and [[Eye-Bats|these guys]]. This is our town now, boys!
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Bill and his friends laugh.''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Tyler
 
!Tyler
āˆ’
|Now see here, you unholy triangle fella. As mayor, I strongly urge you to git..it on our of here.
+
|Now see here, you unholy triangle fella. As mayor, I strongly urge you to git...git on out of here.
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Lazy Susan
 
!Lazy Susan
 
|Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
 
|Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
 
|-
 
|-
āˆ’
!Grenda
+
![[Grenda]]
 
|We don't like out-of-towners.
 
|We don't like out-of-towners.
 
|-
 
|-
āˆ’
!Manly Dan
+
![[Manly Dan]]
āˆ’
|We punch what we don't understand!
+
|We punch what we DON'T UNDERSTAND!! ''(Rips open mailbox)''
 
|-
 
|-
āˆ’
!Preston Northwest
+
![[Preston Northwest]]
āˆ’
|I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your...henchmen of the apocalypse
+
|I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your, uh... horsemen of the apocalypse?
 
|-
 
|-
āˆ’
!Pacifica
+
![[Pacifica Northwest]]
āˆ’
|Dad.
+
|Dad!
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Preston
 
!Preston
āˆ’
|Not now, sweetie, The grownups are talking.
+
|Not now, sweetie, the grownups are talking.
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Bill
 
!Bill
āˆ’
|Oh wow, that's a great offer. How bout instead I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face. (laughs maniacally)
+
|Oh wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face? ''(Snaps fingers; Preston's face becomes mixed up)''
  +
|-
  +
!Preston
  +
|''(Falls over, screaming as his family watches in horror)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Laughs as the people run away, turns Durland to stone)''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Sheriff Blubs
 
!Sheriff Blubs
āˆ’
|Durland! My precious Deputy Durland. No!
+
|''(Picks up Durland)'' Durland! My precious Deputy Durland. No!
  +
|-
  +
![[Eye-Bats|Eye-Bat]]
  +
|''(Takes Durland away)''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Bill
 
!Bill
āˆ’
|It's time we do a little redecorating. I could really use a castle of some kind. And how about some bubbles of pure madness.
+
|It's time we do a little redecorating. I could really use a ''castle'' of some kind. ''(A [[Fearamid|pyramid]] forms in the sky)'' And how about some [[Weirdness Bubbles|bubbles of PURE MADNESS]]! ''(Colorful bubbles appear)''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!
 
!
āˆ’
|(One passes over Sprott and he rips off his shirt and screams)
+
|''A bubble passes through [[Sprott]], who rips off his shirt and screams madly.''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Bill
 
!Bill
āˆ’
|This party never stops. Time is dead and meaning has no meaning. Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme. Welcome one and all, to Weirdmageddon!
+
|This party never stops. Time is dead and meaning has no meaning. Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme. WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO [[Weirdmageddon (event)|WEIRDMAGEDDON]]!
 
|-
 
|-
 
!
 
!
  +
|''The water tower roars. Cut to remixed [[Gravity Falls Main Title Theme|theme song]]. Cut to [[Dipper Pines|Dipper]] and [[Ford Pines]] in front of the [[Mystery Shack]].''
āˆ’
|(The water tower screeches)
 
āˆ’
|-
 
āˆ’
!
 
āˆ’
|Remixed theme song.
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Ford
 
!Ford
āˆ’
|So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a boop-boop.
+
|So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a... boop-boop.
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Dipper
 
!Dipper
Line 79: Line 89:
 
|-
 
|-
 
!
 
!
āˆ’
|(Birds caw and fly over Ford and Dipper. They scream.)
+
|''Birds caw and fly over Ford and Dipper. Various animals follow them.''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Dipper
 
!Dipper
āˆ’
|(Gets knocked down by the stampede of animals, gnomes, and Chutzpar) Agh.
+
|''(Gets knocked over by a deer)'' Agh!
 
|-
 
|-
āˆ’
!Gnome 1
+
![[Gnomes|Gnome]]
 
|Move it, stretch.
 
|Move it, stretch.
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Gnome 2
 
!Gnome 2
āˆ’
|Hey we're scampering here.
+
|Hey, we're scampering here!
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Ford
 
!Ford
āˆ’
|The rift is shattered. Bill's world is spilling into ours and every minute his powers grow stronger.
+
|''(Lifts Dipper back up)'' The [[Interdimensional rift|rift]] is shattered. Bill's [[Nightmare Realm|world]] is spilling into ours and every minute his powers grow stronger.
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Dipper
 
!Dipper
āˆ’
|Mabel! The rift must have cracked inside her backpack. She must be in danger. I have to go find her. (To the walkie talkie) Mabel! Come in Mabel! Mabel!
+
|Mabel! The rift must have cracked inside her backpack. She must be in danger. I have to go find her. ''(Running, to the walkie talkie:)'' Mabel! Come in, Mabel! Mabel!
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Ford
 
!Ford
āˆ’
|Dipper. Listen to me. We can find your sister soon, but first we have to stop Bill. We can blast him back through the rift he came out of, we just might be able to stop him before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe.
+
|''(Stops him)'' Dipper. Listen to me. We can find your sister soon, but first we have to stop Bill. If we can blast him back through the rift he came out of, we just might be able to stop him before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe.
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Dipper
 
!Dipper
Line 110: Line 120:
 
!Ford
 
!Ford
 
|Good. Because that's where we're heading. You also might want to step inside.
 
|Good. Because that's where we're heading. You also might want to step inside.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper and Ford
  +
|''(Run inside)''
 
|-
 
|-
 
!Gnome
 
!Gnome
 
|Weirdness wave!
 
|Weirdness wave!
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The wave washes over the Mystery Shack and over [[Abuelita's house|Soos' house]], causing the barbecue to come to life and run away.''
  +
|-
  +
![[Soos]]
  +
|''(From window)'' Ah! Abuelita! A tidal wave of madness just went over us!
  +
|-
  +
![[Abuelita]]
  +
|''(Offscreen)'' Oh, Soos, such an imagination.
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|''(Turns around and sees that Abuelita is a chair)'' Ah! You've turned into a chair!
  +
|-
  +
!Abuelita
  +
|Why don't you have a seat and relax?
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|But what about you? And my friends?
  +
|-
  +
!Abuelita
  +
|I'll be fine. You go help the others.
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|When the universe is broken, only one handyman can fix it. ''(Kisses Abuelita and runs off)'' I'm coming for you, friends!
  +
|-
  +
!Abuelita
  +
|Time for a nap. ''(Reclines)''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to Stan nailing a sign to a tree.''
  +
|-
  +
![[Gompers]]
  +
|''(Grabs the tassel on [[Stan Pines|Stan Pines']] fez)''
  +
|-
  +
!Stan
  +
|Hey!
  +
|-
  +
!Gompers
  +
|''(Tears off the tassel and eats it)''
  +
|-
  +
!Stan
  +
|That's it, goat! It's time I threw you off this property for good!
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The wave comes over them and Gompers grows until he is as tall as the trees.''
  +
|-
  +
!Stan
  +
|On second thought, I'm gonna run like a coward now. ''(Screams and runs away)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gompers
  +
|''(Walks off)''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to the [[arcade]]. The wave washes over it and several video game characters break out the windows.''
  +
|-
  +
![[Rumble McSkirmish]]
  +
|Ha! Freedom! Freedom to PUNCH! ''(Punches the air)''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to [[Gravity Falls Maximum Security Prison]].''
  +
|-
  +
![[Prison Counselor]]
  +
|Okay, inmates, time to review your finger paintings. ''(Looking at paintings)'' Good. Nice. ''(Gasps when he sees Gideon's painting, which is a torn paper with a knife in it and "Revenge" written on it and "Love" written next to a picture of Mabel; the man sighs)'' [[Gideon Gleeful|Gideon]], does this look like someone who's ready to re-enter society?
  +
|-
  +
![[Ghost-Eyes]]
  +
|Gideon's unappreciated in his time!
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Oh, Ghost-Eyes, you're making me blush!
  +
|-
  +
![[Killbone]]
  +
|Gideon makes prison life worth living.
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners except Gideon
  +
|Gideon! Gideon!
  +
|-
  +
!Gompers
  +
|''(Eats a bit of the ceiling, making the rest crumble down and crushes counselor)''
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners
  +
|''(Look outside and gasp at scene of [[Creatures of Weirdmageddon|abnormal creatures]])''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|''(Looks at the three-headed bird which has landed on his hand. It screeches)'' Oh my. Bill came through.
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to Bill and his friends downtown.''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Ready to cause some havoc, boys?
  +
|-
  +
!Bill's friends
  +
|''(Laugh)''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Behind Bill, Dipper looks out the clock tower and Ford readies his rifle.''
  +
|-
  +
!Ford
  +
|Ah, my [[quantum destabilizer]]. I've been waiting a long time to use this. We're only gonna have one chance to take this shot. ''(Aims it at Bill)'' Steady... steady... and...
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The wave washes over them, making the bell come to life.''
  +
|-
  +
!Bell
  +
|Woohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo!! I'm alive now!
  +
|-
  +
!Ford
  +
|''(Fires, but only hits Bill's hat)'' Oh no!!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Hat heals)'' Well, well, well, and here I thought today couldn't get any BETTER. ''(Fires a beam at the tower, destroying it)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Lying in the wreckage, bruised)'' Great uncle Ford!
  +
|-
  +
!Ford
  +
|''(Trapped under some wreckage, grunts)'' Dipper! Take my journals! ''(Slides the backpack to Dipper, who picks up [[Journal 3]])'' Listen, I know of one other way to defeat Bill, it's- ''(Hears something behind him)'' Oh, no! Dipper! Run! Get down!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Runs down the stair)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Rises behind Ford with the six-fingered hand symbol in his eye)'' Good old six-fingers. I've been waiting an ''(Deep voice:)'' ETERNITY ''(Normal voice:)'' to have a chat face to face. ''(Lifts Ford up)''
  +
|-
  +
!Ford
  +
|Wah!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Everyone, this armageddon wouldn't be possible without help from our friend here. Give him a six-fingered hand!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill's friends
  +
|''(Offscreen, Clap and cheer)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Comes around the corner of the clock tower)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|This brainiac is the one who built the portal in the first place! Now don't look so sour, Fordsy. It's not too late to join me. With that extra finger, you'd fit right in with my freaks.
  +
|-
  +
!Ford
  +
|I'll die before I join you! I know your weakness, Bill!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Oh, yeah? ''(Eye becomes a question mark)'' And I know a riddle. Why did the old man do this? ''(Assumes a pose)''
  +
|-
  +
!Ford
  +
|This? ''(Imitates Bill's pose)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Shoots a laser at Ford, petrifying him)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Gasps)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Picks up Ford)'' Because I needed a new backscratcher! ''(Laughs with his friends as he scratches himself with Ford)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Growls)'' That's ''enough! (Comes out from behind building)'' Hand over my uncle! Or else! ''(Holds up Journal 3)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Now isn't. This. ''(Flies up to Dipper and his eye glows white; with a deep voice along with his normal voice:)'' INTERESTING? ''(Normal voice:)'' My old puppet is back for an encore. You think ''you'' can stop me? ''(Punches the air)'' Go ahead, Pine Tree, show me what you've got.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Flipping through 3 and shining blacklight on it)'' I...uh... I... uh... ''(Sees that the Journal says "IF HE GAINS PHYSICAL FORM THEN ALL IS LOST!")''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|I UM I. Do it, kid. Do some ''brilliant'' thing that takes me down right now. Whattdya got, Pine Tree, everyone's waiting. DO IT.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Jumps at Bill) ''Augh, BILL! ''(His fist hits a force field in front of Bill's eye and he is thrown backward into a tree; he rubs his head)'' Ugh...
  +
|-
  +
!Bill's friends
  +
|''(Laugh)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Reaches for Journal 3)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Levitates the Journals)'' That's right. Don't be a hero, kid. ''(Waves Ford)'' This is what happens to heroes in my world. ''(Burns the Journals)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|NO!! THE JOURNALS!!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Not much of a threat now, ''are you? (To his friends:)'' Now can anyone remind me why we came here?
  +
|-
  +
!8 Ball
  +
|To get WEIRD!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|THAT'S RIGHT! VIP party at the [[Fearamid]]. Oh, and 8 Ball, Teeth, you've earned a treat, have the kid for a snack.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Huh?
  +
|-
  +
!8 Ball
  +
|''(Rolls eyes)''
  +
|-
  +
!Teeth
  +
|Heheheheh.
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Hench-maniacs, ROLL OUT! ''(Turns a car into a racecar-like vehicle)''
  +
|-
  +
!Demons
  +
|''(Get into the car)''
  +
|-
  +
!Pyronica
  +
|Let's get out of here, Bill!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|''(Drives away, firing lasers, changing things as he goes, laughing maniacally)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Stares at 8 Ball and Teeth, panting)''
  +
|-
  +
!8 Ball
  +
|So, you wanna eat him, or, something?
  +
|-
  +
!Teeth
  +
|Oh, definitely, let's eat him.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Ahhhhh!!! ''(Runs away as they follow him)''
  +
|-
  +
![[Shandra Jimenez]]
  +
|''(On TV, which is lying among the wreckage)'' We are day three in this strange cataclysmic event, which some are calling "Weirdmageddon," or the "Oddpocalypse." Weather today calls for black clouds, blood rain and frequent showers of Eyeball Bats turning people into stone. I'm Shandra Jimenez, and I ate a rat for dinner.
  +
|-
  +
!Eye-Bat
  +
|''(Turns [[Pizza Guy]] into stone and carries him away)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Gets out from under some garbage bag and sees an Eyeball Bat following him)'' Huh! ''(Runs into an alley; into walkie talkie:)'' Mabel, it's me. So far I have eluded capture but I haven't been able to find you or Stan anywhere. I don't know if you can hear me, but wherever you are, whatever happens, I'm going to find you.
  +
|-
  +
![[Pterodactyl]]
  +
|''(Screeches and takes the "A" out of "MALLS" on the [[Gravity Malls|Gravity Malls']] sign)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|The mall! Maybe they're hiding in there! ''(Runs to the mall and runs into the glass)'' Oh no!
  +
|-
  +
![[The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity]]
  +
|Hey. Hey you. Hey, I wanna talk to you. I wanna talk to you about going inside my mouth. I- I think you wanna get in here. ''(Crawling toward Dipper)'' Hey, you, hey! I'm talkin' to you, man! You don't have to make a big deal outta this! Hello! HELLO!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(As he talks, forces himself through the mall's automatic doors, but gets stuck in them)''
  +
|-
  +
!The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity
  +
|''(Slaps the door, freeing Dipper)'' Why are you just ignoring me? ''(Reaches inside)'' That's seriously rude to just IGNORE someone like this.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Backs into the food court)'' Stan! Mabel! ''(Sees nachos on a table)'' Huh, maybe at least I can get something to eat. The last nachos on Earth. ''(Picks them up and is trapped in a net)'' Ah! HELP! The nachos tricked me!
  +
|-
  +
![[Wendy Corduroy]]
  +
|''(Pokes her head out from a plant)'' Dipper?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Wendy!? Oh no! You've been transformed into some sort of... tree monster!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Ha! It's just camouflage. My dad made me and [[Corduroy brothers|my brothers]] do apocalypse training every year instead of Christmas. Guess it's sort of cool the paranoia paid off. ''(Shoots a bat) Nice!'' Bat meat. Let me get that for ya. ''(Throws ax at the net, freeing Dipper)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Ah! Wendy, I'm so glad to find you! ''(Hugs her)'' I thought everyone I knew was gone.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Hey, hey, it's okay. We have each other now. And [[Toby Determined]], who I accidentally mistook for a monster.
  +
|-
  +
!Toby
  +
|This just in: this arrow in my shoulder.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|We shouldn't stay out in the open for too long. Let me show you my hideout. ''(Leads them to the Edgy on Purpose store, cooks the bat)'' We were playing Truth or Dare in the cemetary when it happened. The eyeballs froze [[Nate]], [[Lee]], [[Tambry]] and [[Thompson]]. ''(Presses a button on the cash register she's sitting on and takes some money to wipe her face with)'' [[Robbie Valentino|Robbie]] almost got away but had to pause to take a selfie. What about you?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|I was in a fight with Mabel when it happened. Uncle Ford asked me to be his apprentice once the summer was over. But that would mean I wouldn't go back home. It would mean growing up without Mabel.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Oh, ''dude''.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Mabel didn't take it well and she ran off into the forest. She couldn't even look me in the eye.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Come on. Let's get some fresh air. Toby, you watch the camp.
  +
|-
  +
!Toby
  +
|''(Dressed in a bunch of the Edgy on Purpose clothes)'' Don't call me "Toby" anymore. Call me Bodacious T.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|No one will ever call you that.
  +
|-
  +
!Toby
  +
|Ooh...
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to Dipper and Wendy outside.''
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|The end of the world. Man, those death metal album covers got it shockingly right.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|You know, I used to think I could get out of anything, but this? The journals are destroyed, Ford is captured and I can't find my family anywhere. Bill said it himself, there's no room for heroes out here. We lost.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Look, dude, it's not over yet. You've beaten Bill twice before, why is this time any different?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|'Cause then I had Mabel.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Then you need to get Mabel back. Look, this summer, I've seen some amazing things, but nothing as amazing as you and your sister. I don't know if it's dumb luck or yin and yang, or whatever, but when you two work together, there's like nothing you two can't accomplish. You just need to make up, and team up, and save the universe.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|But how will I ever find her?
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''A monster eats a billboard, revealing a [[Prison Bubble|bubble]] with Mabel's shooting star on it at the cliffs.''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|The shooting star from Mabel's sweater! She's in there. I know it.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Whoa, it that like twin ESP?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|No, we don't have that, but we do have this thing where our allergies totally act up at the same time. ''(Sneezes)'' Mabel needs us. But how are we gonna get out there without being caught?
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|I have an idea.
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to the fearamid, where the party is going on.''
  +
|-
  +
!Demons
  +
|''(Spinning a stone Lazy Susan)'' Spin the person! Spin the person! ''(Lazy Susan's head points at Pyronica)''
  +
|-
  +
!Hectorgon
  +
|Ah! ''(Flies away)''
  +
|-
  +
!Pyronica
  +
|''(Catches him with her tongue and swallows him)''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Hahahaha! Go nuts, guys! When we're done partying, I unveil Phase 2.
  +
|-
  +
![[Lolph and Dundgren|Lolph]]
  +
|''(Offscreen, pounding on door)'' Open up! This is the police. [[Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron|Time Police.]]
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The demons all look at Bill.''
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Just play it cool, ditch the time-punch. Let me do the talking.
  +
|-
  +
!Lolph
  +
|Bill Cipher. You are in violation of the rules of space-time, and possessing the body of a time officer.
  +
|-
  +
!Blendin
  +
|My body is a temple! How dare you!!
  +
|-
  +
![[Time Baby]]
  +
|Hear this, Cipher!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Ugh, Time Baby.
  +
|-
  +
!Time Baby
  +
|''(Projects a hologram of the universe)'' If your rip in this dimension continues, it could destroy the very fabric of existence! ''(The universe in the hologram explodes)'' Surrender now, or face my tantrum!
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Oh, no, a tantrum! Whatever will I do about that-HOW 'BOUT THIS?? BOOM.Ā ''(Vaporizes the Time Baby and the police; eye turns into a mouth and blows the smoke off his finger)''
  +
|-
  +
!Kryptos
  +
|Ah, snap! He just killed Time Baby!
  +
|-
  +
!Demons
  +
|Yeahhh! ''(Resume partying)''
  +
|-
  +
!Blendin
  +
|''(Hiding behind a pole)'' Aw, man, this has gone from bad to worse! I gotta get out of time-Dodge! ''(Disappears)''
  +
|-
  +
!8 Ball
  +
|''(Approaches with Teeth)'' Boss, the Pine Tree kid got away before we could eat him. Are you worried he might try to cause some trouble?
  +
|-
  +
!Teeth
  +
|Yeah, trouble with Mabel's bubble?
  +
|-
  +
!Bill
  +
|Ha! I'm not worried. I've got ''someone on the case.''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to the Bud Gleeful's auto-mart. Dipper, Toby and Wendy are looking over the fence.''
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|The abandoned auto-mart. Free cars right for the hot-wiring. We just found our ride to Mabel. I wonder if they have a tank. I've ''always'' wanted to drive a tank!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|I can't believe this place is just abandoned.
  +
|-
  +
!Toby
  +
|''(Looking into a car)'' Ooh, an air freshener. Finally I'll smell like a person. Stealy stealy...
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''A tranquilizer dart hits him.''
  +
|-
  +
!Toby
  +
|Ah! It's gonna take more than one dart to keep me from-
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Several more darts hit him and he collapses.''
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Oh no! Tony! Was it Tony? I can never remember his name.
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Three car headlights turn on in front of them. Three giant cars, each with prisoners inside, surround them.''
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoner
  +
|Well, well, looks like we got ourselves a pair of ground walkers.
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoner 2
  +
|Heheh! Ground walkers! Heheh! Ain't got no wheels!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners
  +
|''(Laugh)''
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Listen [[Discount Auto Mart Warriors|Discount Auto Warriors]]!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|We just wanna make it to that bubble out east; we have no quarrel with you!
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|''(With a voice-lowering megaphone:)'' Oh, but that's where you're wrong! Hands where I can see 'em.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper and Wendy
  +
|''(Hold up hands)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Y'all fellers ain't goin' nowhere.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|"Y'all?"
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|"Fellers?" Wait... Gideon!?
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|That's Sheriff Gideon! ''(Without megaphone:)'' Under the authority of Bill Cipher, I place you two under arrest! Oh, hi, Wendy! Have we formally met?
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Prisoners lead Dipper and Wendy to Gideon, who is standing on the back of a truck.''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Wooooo-we! Look what the apocalypse dragged in! Y'all are in a twelve-piece bucket of deep fried trouble now! Ghost-Eyes! Spitoon!''(Spits gum out into spitoon)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Ugh, it's Gideon.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|And he's gotten folksier.
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Ma' old pal Bill figured you might try to rescue Mabel. So he appointed me, master of these wastelands, and ''keeper of the bubble!'' My sweet precious Mabel's trapped inside and I HAVE THE ONLY KEY! ''(Shows them a key with the shooting star symbol on it)'' Wrapped around my... well I wouldn't call it a neck exactly, wrapped around this little pocket of fat under ma' head?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Gideon, you have ''no right'' to keep her in there!
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Bill explained it to me nice and simple: she was always destined to be mine! ''(Takes a newspaper article from when he was dating her from his hat)'' And now that I have her in a cage she'll learn to love me! I have an eternity to wait! Ghost-Eyes! Ready to escort our friends to Bill's dungeon?
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|''(Picks Dipper and Wendy up)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Uh! No! Hey!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|This isn't gonna work, Gideon.
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Oh? And why's that?
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Cause after I break Ghost-Eyes' arm and steal that key from your neck, I'm gonna wear your butt on my foot like a rhinestone slipper!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners behind Gideon
  +
|''(Laugh)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Oho, and what makes you think you can do all that?
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|'Cause I'm a flippin' CORDUROY! ''(Flips over Ghost-Eyes' arm and pulls him back)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Falls on the ground and ducks, tripping Ghost-Eyes)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper and Wendy
  +
|''(Run away)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Ghost-Eyes! My hench-angel!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Ha! ''(Grabs Gideon and rips the key from his neck, to prisoners:)'' Get back! Get back! Or I will drop-kick him, I swear! ''(Breaks a car window and unlocks it)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|You'll never get away with this, ya hear me?!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Guess what? We already DID! ''(Kicks Gideon into the other prisoners)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Getting into the car behind her)'' Wendy, you're the coolest person I know.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|I know, dude. Tell me about it later. ''(Drives away)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|After them!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners
  +
|''(Get into cars)''
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|''(Carrying Gideon into a car)'' You want your baby seat?
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Yes, please.
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|''(Buckles him into a carseat)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|''(Over a microphone:)'' We are not letting 'em get Mabel! Discount Auto-mart Warriors, rollout!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners
  +
|''(Drive away, cheering)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Okay, all we have to do is outrace Gideon's henchmen, unlock the bubble, save Mabel, save the world. ''(Sees that Wendy had hit a mailbox)'' Quick question: did you ever get your driver's license?
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Definitely not. Arm! ''(Swerves to avoid The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper and Wendy
  +
|Ah!
  +
|-
  +
!The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity
  +
|''(Grabs one of the cars)''
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoner inside car
  +
|Uhahhhhh! ''(screams this as windshield cracks)''
  +
|-
  +
!The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity
  +
|''(Eats the car)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Swerve swerve! ''(Ghost-Eyes Swerves to avoid the arm)'' I can't let 'em free Mabel!
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|Remind me why you're keeping your girlfriend in a prison bubble again? Have we, the prisoners, become the wardens?
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|SHE LOVES ME! She just doesn't know it yet. Now quit the philosophy.
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|Sorry. It ''was'' my major.
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The cars drive toward some bubbles.''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Ha! Weirdness bubbles blockin' the path! WOOOOWEE we got 'em now.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Watch it! Go around that bubble field!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|No way around! Hold on! We're goin' through!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|What's even in there?!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper and Wendy
  +
|''(Scream as they enter a bubble, then they have bird heads)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Chirping, subtitled:)'' For some reason, I really want worms right now.
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|''(Chirping, subtitled:)'' Eat worms! Fly south! Nest!
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The car exits the bubble and Dipper and Wendy are normal again.''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Coughing up feathers)'' Oh, that was horrible!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Here comes another one, dude! Brace yourself! ''(Drives through three more bubbles)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper and Wendy
  +
|''(Screaming, they become anime characters, then they are made of meat products, then they become live-action)''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon and Ghost-Eyes
  +
|''(Screaming, they become made of 3D blocks, female versions of themselves in dresses and make-up, and old-fashioned silent cartoon versions of themselves, a card comes up that says:)'' "AAAAAAAAAUGH!"
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Both the cars are back to normal. Ghost-Eyes slams his truck against Wendy's car, breaking the glass.''
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Ah!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Wendy, we're almost there! We just have to make that jump!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|Total lack of driver's training, don't fail me now. ''(Accelerates and drives off the cliff, screaming as the car flies through the air)''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The car hits the ground and rolls. When it stops, the passenger door opens and Dipper falls out.''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|So... close. ''(Crawling)'' Mabel... I'm... almost there. ''(Stops in front of a figure in a cloak)''
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|''(Offers him his hand and pulls back his hood)'' Heya, Dipper. How's it hanging?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Soos!
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|''(Stands up from behind the car, bruised)'' Soos?
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|Handyman of the apocalypse, at your service.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Soos! How'd you, where'd you-?
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|I've been wandering the plains like a desperado, helping strangers. I guess there's some folk songs about me now? ''(Looking at Wendy's arm)'' Let me see what the damage is, here. Ah, well the good news is: your arm is okay.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|So what's the bad news?
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|Bad news is we're surrounded, dudes.
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''The prisoners have surrounded them, cheering.''
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Wooowee. I dare say y'all almost had the jump on me there for a second. But this ain't your [[Gravity Falls, Oregon|Gravity Falls]] anymore! Out here, I win. ''(Claps and gets thrown a conch, which he blows)'' Bill's henchbats will be here any minute to retrieve y'all. MABEL'S MINE NOW! Hahahaha!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Is she?
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Well, yeah. I have her trapped, ergo, Mabel is MINE!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Gideon, listen to me, if I've learned anything this summer it's that you can't force someone to love you. ''(Looking at Wendy)'' The best you can do is strive to be someone worthy of loving.
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Oh, I'm worthy o' lovin'! These prisoners love me!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners except Gideon
  +
|''(Cheer)''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|But Mabel doesn't. Because you're selfish. But you can change! Bill thinks there's no heroes in this world, but if we work together and fight back, we ''can'' defeat him. You wanna be Mabel's hero? Stand up to Bill, and let us save her!
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|That's crazy! You know what Bill would do to me if that happens?
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|What, you scared of Bill?
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|No, I ju... it's a complicated situation.
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Look inside, Gideon. If all this is for Mabel, then ask yourself what Mabel would want you to do.
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|''(Looks at the newspaper article, looks at the picture of him and Mabel together, with him smiling and Mabel looking unconformable, quietly:)'' Dipper. Will you tell her what I did?
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Of course.
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|I hope you're right about this. ''(To the prisoners:)'' Guys, new plan! Bill's minions are gonna be on us in seconds. But I'm not gonna let that dumb triangle be the warden o' me! Y'all ready for a good old fashioned prison brawl?
  +
|-
  +
!Ghost-Eyes
  +
|We're behind you for life, brother!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoner
  +
|Fighting children is boring, but fighting a chaos god sounds fun!
  +
|-
  +
!Gideon
  +
|Lets do this! ''(As the prisoners drive toward the fearamid)'' Henchmen, rollout!
  +
|-
  +
!Prisoners
  +
|''(Cheer)''
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|Whew! And I thought I was gonna have to throw down!
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Cut to Dipper, Soos and Wendy in front of Mabel's bubble.''
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Okay, remember, guys. This is a prison bubble designed ''by'' Bill. We've got to prepare ourselves for what we find in here.
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|Whatever it is, we'll do it together. For Mabel! ''(Puts his hand in the center)''
  +
|-
  +
!Wendy
  +
|''(Puts her hand on top of his)'' For Mabel!
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|''(Puts his hand on top of theirs)'' For Mabel. ''(Unlocks the padlock and the chains fall to the ground)''
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''Dipper, Soos and Wendy hold hands and enter the bubble. The screen fades to white and "TO BE CONTINUED" appears on the screen. Credits: cut to The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity downtown.''
  +
|-
  +
!The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity
  +
|Anybody wanna get in my mouth? I'm a big moā€”hungry monsterā€”I'm a big hungry monster here! I would really appreciate it, if someoneā€”you, ma'am, you ma'am, how would you like to get in myā€”
  +
|-
  +
!Woman
  +
|''(Offscreen, screams)''
  +
|-
  +
!The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity
  +
|Anybod- hello! Hey, hey, sir, sir! Eh, false alarm. It's just a bird. Not one person. Not one person has... gotten in my mouth. I don't care anymore. I just... ''(Sighs, begins to crawl away)'' I gotta call my mother.
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|''End.''
 
|}
 
|}
  +
{{Transcripts}}
 
[[Category:Season 2 transcripts]]
 
[[Category:Season 2 transcripts]]
  +
[[Category:Weirdmageddon]]

Revision as of 01:54, 28 June 2020

Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Weirdmageddon 1: Xpcveaoqfoxso." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future" Next: "Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality"
Episode opens with Bill laughing below the tear in the sky.
Bill Cipher Oh, it's happening. It's finally finally happening! (Continues laughing as what appears to be muscle fiber covers him) Physical form? Don't mind if I DO! (Is encased in a metal pyramid and vanishes)
Blendin Blandin Huh?! What just happened? (As Mabel Pines is lifted up and locked into a bubble with her shooting star symbol on it) Oh. Oh man. This is bad! This is real bad! Guys, we've got a situation! (Presses a button on his watch, causing him to vanish)
Cut to downtown.
Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs What theā€”?
Tyler Cutebiker (Gasps)
Lazy Susan Wha?
Bill (Laughs, deep voice:) Alright, listen up you one lifespan, three dimensional, five sense skin puppets! (Normal voice:) For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill! But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity! (Melts the statue of Nathaniel Northwest)
Blubs, Durland, and Tyler Ah!
Bill Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. (As they come out of the scar in the sky) 8 Ball! Kryptos! The being whose name must never be said! Haha, what the heck. It's Zanthar. Then of course there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire, and these guys. This is our town now, boys!
Bill and his friends laugh.
Tyler Now see here, you unholy triangle fella. As mayor, I strongly urge you to git...git on out of here.
Lazy Susan Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
Grenda We don't like out-of-towners.
Manly Dan We punch what we DON'T UNDERSTAND!! (Rips open mailbox)
Preston Northwest I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your, uh... horsemen of the apocalypse?
Pacifica Northwest Dad!
Preston Not now, sweetie, the grownups are talking.
Bill Oh wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face? (Snaps fingers; Preston's face becomes mixed up)
Preston (Falls over, screaming as his family watches in horror)
Bill (Laughs as the people run away, turns Durland to stone)
Sheriff Blubs (Picks up Durland) Durland! My precious Deputy Durland. No!
Eye-Bat (Takes Durland away)
Bill It's time we do a little redecorating. I could really use a castle of some kind. (A pyramid forms in the sky) And how about some bubbles of PURE MADNESS! (Colorful bubbles appear)
A bubble passes through Sprott, who rips off his shirt and screams madly.
Bill This party never stops. Time is dead and meaning has no meaning. Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme. WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO WEIRDMAGEDDON!
The water tower roars. Cut to remixed theme song. Cut to Dipper and Ford Pines in front of the Mystery Shack.
Ford So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a... boop-boop.
Dipper Weirdmageddon.
Birds caw and fly over Ford and Dipper. Various animals follow them.
Dipper (Gets knocked over by a deer) Agh!
Gnome Move it, stretch.
Gnome 2 Hey, we're scampering here!
Ford (Lifts Dipper back up) The rift is shattered. Bill's world is spilling into ours and every minute his powers grow stronger.
Dipper Mabel! The rift must have cracked inside her backpack. She must be in danger. I have to go find her. (Running, to the walkie talkie:) Mabel! Come in, Mabel! Mabel!
Ford (Stops him) Dipper. Listen to me. We can find your sister soon, but first we have to stop Bill. If we can blast him back through the rift he came out of, we just might be able to stop him before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe.
Dipper Are you sure defeating Bill is even possible?
Ford No. I'm not sure. But being a hero means fighting back even when it seems impossible. Will you follow me?
Dipper To the ends of the Earth.
Ford Good. Because that's where we're heading. You also might want to step inside.
Dipper and Ford (Run inside)
Gnome Weirdness wave!
The wave washes over the Mystery Shack and over Soos' house, causing the barbecue to come to life and run away.
Soos (From window) Ah! Abuelita! A tidal wave of madness just went over us!
Abuelita (Offscreen) Oh, Soos, such an imagination.
Soos (Turns around and sees that Abuelita is a chair) Ah! You've turned into a chair!
Abuelita Why don't you have a seat and relax?
Soos But what about you? And my friends?
Abuelita I'll be fine. You go help the others.
Soos When the universe is broken, only one handyman can fix it. (Kisses Abuelita and runs off) I'm coming for you, friends!
Abuelita Time for a nap. (Reclines)
Cut to Stan nailing a sign to a tree.
Gompers (Grabs the tassel on Stan Pines' fez)
Stan Hey!
Gompers (Tears off the tassel and eats it)
Stan That's it, goat! It's time I threw you off this property for good!
The wave comes over them and Gompers grows until he is as tall as the trees.
Stan On second thought, I'm gonna run like a coward now. (Screams and runs away)
Gompers (Walks off)
Cut to the arcade. The wave washes over it and several video game characters break out the windows.
Rumble McSkirmish Ha! Freedom! Freedom to PUNCH! (Punches the air)
Cut to Gravity Falls Maximum Security Prison.
Prison Counselor Okay, inmates, time to review your finger paintings. (Looking at paintings) Good. Nice. (Gasps when he sees Gideon's painting, which is a torn paper with a knife in it and "Revenge" written on it and "Love" written next to a picture of Mabel; the man sighs) Gideon, does this look like someone who's ready to re-enter society?
Ghost-Eyes Gideon's unappreciated in his time!
Gideon Oh, Ghost-Eyes, you're making me blush!
Killbone Gideon makes prison life worth living.
Prisoners except Gideon Gideon! Gideon!
Gompers (Eats a bit of the ceiling, making the rest crumble down and crushes counselor)
Prisoners (Look outside and gasp at scene of abnormal creatures)
Gideon (Looks at the three-headed bird which has landed on his hand. It screeches) Oh my. Bill came through.
Cut to Bill and his friends downtown.
Bill Ready to cause some havoc, boys?
Bill's friends (Laugh)
Behind Bill, Dipper looks out the clock tower and Ford readies his rifle.
Ford Ah, my quantum destabilizer. I've been waiting a long time to use this. We're only gonna have one chance to take this shot. (Aims it at Bill) Steady... steady... and...
The wave washes over them, making the bell come to life.
Bell Woohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo!! I'm alive now!
Ford (Fires, but only hits Bill's hat) Oh no!!
Bill (Hat heals) Well, well, well, and here I thought today couldn't get any BETTER. (Fires a beam at the tower, destroying it)
Dipper (Lying in the wreckage, bruised) Great uncle Ford!
Ford (Trapped under some wreckage, grunts) Dipper! Take my journals! (Slides the backpack to Dipper, who picks up Journal 3) Listen, I know of one other way to defeat Bill, it's- (Hears something behind him) Oh, no! Dipper! Run! Get down!
Dipper (Runs down the stair)
Bill (Rises behind Ford with the six-fingered hand symbol in his eye) Good old six-fingers. I've been waiting an (Deep voice:) ETERNITY (Normal voice:) to have a chat face to face. (Lifts Ford up)
Ford Wah!
Bill Everyone, this armageddon wouldn't be possible without help from our friend here. Give him a six-fingered hand!
Bill's friends (Offscreen, Clap and cheer)
Dipper (Comes around the corner of the clock tower)
Bill This brainiac is the one who built the portal in the first place! Now don't look so sour, Fordsy. It's not too late to join me. With that extra finger, you'd fit right in with my freaks.
Ford I'll die before I join you! I know your weakness, Bill!
Bill Oh, yeah? (Eye becomes a question mark) And I know a riddle. Why did the old man do this? (Assumes a pose)
Ford This? (Imitates Bill's pose)
Bill (Shoots a laser at Ford, petrifying him)
Dipper (Gasps)
Bill (Picks up Ford) Because I needed a new backscratcher! (Laughs with his friends as he scratches himself with Ford)
Dipper (Growls) That's enough! (Comes out from behind building) Hand over my uncle! Or else! (Holds up Journal 3)
Bill Now isn't. This. (Flies up to Dipper and his eye glows white; with a deep voice along with his normal voice:) INTERESTING? (Normal voice:) My old puppet is back for an encore. You think you can stop me? (Punches the air) Go ahead, Pine Tree, show me what you've got.
Dipper (Flipping through 3 and shining blacklight on it) I...uh... I... uh... (Sees that the Journal says "IF HE GAINS PHYSICAL FORM THEN ALL IS LOST!")
Bill I UM I. Do it, kid. Do some brilliant thing that takes me down right now. Whattdya got, Pine Tree, everyone's waiting. DO IT.
Dipper (Jumps at Bill) Augh, BILL! (His fist hits a force field in front of Bill's eye and he is thrown backward into a tree; he rubs his head) Ugh...
Bill's friends (Laugh)
Dipper (Reaches for Journal 3)
Bill (Levitates the Journals) That's right. Don't be a hero, kid. (Waves Ford) This is what happens to heroes in my world. (Burns the Journals)
Dipper NO!! THE JOURNALS!!
Bill Not much of a threat now, are you? (To his friends:) Now can anyone remind me why we came here?
8 Ball To get WEIRD!
Bill THAT'S RIGHT! VIP party at the Fearamid. Oh, and 8 Ball, Teeth, you've earned a treat, have the kid for a snack.
Dipper Huh?
8 Ball (Rolls eyes)
Teeth Heheheheh.
Bill Hench-maniacs, ROLL OUT! (Turns a car into a racecar-like vehicle)
Demons (Get into the car)
Pyronica Let's get out of here, Bill!
Bill (Drives away, firing lasers, changing things as he goes, laughing maniacally)
Dipper (Stares at 8 Ball and Teeth, panting)
8 Ball So, you wanna eat him, or, something?
Teeth Oh, definitely, let's eat him.
Dipper Ahhhhh!!! (Runs away as they follow him)
Shandra Jimenez (On TV, which is lying among the wreckage) We are day three in this strange cataclysmic event, which some are calling "Weirdmageddon," or the "Oddpocalypse." Weather today calls for black clouds, blood rain and frequent showers of Eyeball Bats turning people into stone. I'm Shandra Jimenez, and I ate a rat for dinner.
Eye-Bat (Turns Pizza Guy into stone and carries him away)
Dipper (Gets out from under some garbage bag and sees an Eyeball Bat following him) Huh! (Runs into an alley; into walkie talkie:) Mabel, it's me. So far I have eluded capture but I haven't been able to find you or Stan anywhere. I don't know if you can hear me, but wherever you are, whatever happens, I'm going to find you.
Pterodactyl (Screeches and takes the "A" out of "MALLS" on the Gravity Malls' sign)
Dipper The mall! Maybe they're hiding in there! (Runs to the mall and runs into the glass) Oh no!
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity Hey. Hey you. Hey, I wanna talk to you. I wanna talk to you about going inside my mouth. I- I think you wanna get in here. (Crawling toward Dipper) Hey, you, hey! I'm talkin' to you, man! You don't have to make a big deal outta this! Hello! HELLO!
Dipper (As he talks, forces himself through the mall's automatic doors, but gets stuck in them)
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity (Slaps the door, freeing Dipper) Why are you just ignoring me? (Reaches inside) That's seriously rude to just IGNORE someone like this.
Dipper (Backs into the food court) Stan! Mabel! (Sees nachos on a table) Huh, maybe at least I can get something to eat. The last nachos on Earth. (Picks them up and is trapped in a net) Ah! HELP! The nachos tricked me!
Wendy Corduroy (Pokes her head out from a plant) Dipper?
Dipper Wendy!? Oh no! You've been transformed into some sort of... tree monster!
Wendy Ha! It's just camouflage. My dad made me and my brothers do apocalypse training every year instead of Christmas. Guess it's sort of cool the paranoia paid off. (Shoots a bat) Nice! Bat meat. Let me get that for ya. (Throws ax at the net, freeing Dipper)
Dipper Ah! Wendy, I'm so glad to find you! (Hugs her) I thought everyone I knew was gone.
Wendy Hey, hey, it's okay. We have each other now. And Toby Determined, who I accidentally mistook for a monster.
Toby This just in: this arrow in my shoulder.
Wendy We shouldn't stay out in the open for too long. Let me show you my hideout. (Leads them to the Edgy on Purpose store, cooks the bat) We were playing Truth or Dare in the cemetary when it happened. The eyeballs froze Nate, Lee, Tambry and Thompson. (Presses a button on the cash register she's sitting on and takes some money to wipe her face with) Robbie almost got away but had to pause to take a selfie. What about you?
Dipper I was in a fight with Mabel when it happened. Uncle Ford asked me to be his apprentice once the summer was over. But that would mean I wouldn't go back home. It would mean growing up without Mabel.
Wendy Oh, dude.
Dipper Mabel didn't take it well and she ran off into the forest. She couldn't even look me in the eye.
Wendy Come on. Let's get some fresh air. Toby, you watch the camp.
Toby (Dressed in a bunch of the Edgy on Purpose clothes) Don't call me "Toby" anymore. Call me Bodacious T.
Wendy No one will ever call you that.
Toby Ooh...
Cut to Dipper and Wendy outside.
Wendy The end of the world. Man, those death metal album covers got it shockingly right.
Dipper You know, I used to think I could get out of anything, but this? The journals are destroyed, Ford is captured and I can't find my family anywhere. Bill said it himself, there's no room for heroes out here. We lost.
Wendy Look, dude, it's not over yet. You've beaten Bill twice before, why is this time any different?
Dipper 'Cause then I had Mabel.
Wendy Then you need to get Mabel back. Look, this summer, I've seen some amazing things, but nothing as amazing as you and your sister. I don't know if it's dumb luck or yin and yang, or whatever, but when you two work together, there's like nothing you two can't accomplish. You just need to make up, and team up, and save the universe.
Dipper But how will I ever find her?
A monster eats a billboard, revealing a bubble with Mabel's shooting star on it at the cliffs.
Dipper The shooting star from Mabel's sweater! She's in there. I know it.
Wendy Whoa, it that like twin ESP?
Dipper No, we don't have that, but we do have this thing where our allergies totally act up at the same time. (Sneezes) Mabel needs us. But how are we gonna get out there without being caught?
Wendy I have an idea.
Cut to the fearamid, where the party is going on.
Demons (Spinning a stone Lazy Susan) Spin the person! Spin the person! (Lazy Susan's head points at Pyronica)
Hectorgon Ah! (Flies away)
Pyronica (Catches him with her tongue and swallows him)
Bill Hahahaha! Go nuts, guys! When we're done partying, I unveil Phase 2.
Lolph (Offscreen, pounding on door) Open up! This is the police. Time Police.
The demons all look at Bill.
Bill Just play it cool, ditch the time-punch. Let me do the talking.
Lolph Bill Cipher. You are in violation of the rules of space-time, and possessing the body of a time officer.
Blendin My body is a temple! How dare you!!
Time Baby Hear this, Cipher!
Bill Ugh, Time Baby.
Time Baby (Projects a hologram of the universe) If your rip in this dimension continues, it could destroy the very fabric of existence! (The universe in the hologram explodes) Surrender now, or face my tantrum!
Bill Oh, no, a tantrum! Whatever will I do about that-HOW 'BOUT THIS?? BOOM. (Vaporizes the Time Baby and the police; eye turns into a mouth and blows the smoke off his finger)
Kryptos Ah, snap! He just killed Time Baby!
Demons Yeahhh! (Resume partying)
Blendin (Hiding behind a pole) Aw, man, this has gone from bad to worse! I gotta get out of time-Dodge! (Disappears)
8 Ball (Approaches with Teeth) Boss, the Pine Tree kid got away before we could eat him. Are you worried he might try to cause some trouble?
Teeth Yeah, trouble with Mabel's bubble?
Bill Ha! I'm not worried. I've got someone on the case.
Cut to the Bud Gleeful's auto-mart. Dipper, Toby and Wendy are looking over the fence.
Wendy The abandoned auto-mart. Free cars right for the hot-wiring. We just found our ride to Mabel. I wonder if they have a tank. I've always wanted to drive a tank!
Dipper I can't believe this place is just abandoned.
Toby (Looking into a car) Ooh, an air freshener. Finally I'll smell like a person. Stealy stealy...
A tranquilizer dart hits him.
Toby Ah! It's gonna take more than one dart to keep me from-
Several more darts hit him and he collapses.
Wendy Oh no! Tony! Was it Tony? I can never remember his name.
Three car headlights turn on in front of them. Three giant cars, each with prisoners inside, surround them.
Prisoner Well, well, looks like we got ourselves a pair of ground walkers.
Prisoner 2 Heheh! Ground walkers! Heheh! Ain't got no wheels!
Prisoners (Laugh)
Wendy Listen Discount Auto Warriors!
Dipper We just wanna make it to that bubble out east; we have no quarrel with you!
Gideon (With a voice-lowering megaphone:) Oh, but that's where you're wrong! Hands where I can see 'em.
Dipper and Wendy (Hold up hands)
Gideon Y'all fellers ain't goin' nowhere.
Wendy "Y'all?"
Dipper "Fellers?" Wait... Gideon!?
Gideon That's Sheriff Gideon! (Without megaphone:) Under the authority of Bill Cipher, I place you two under arrest! Oh, hi, Wendy! Have we formally met?
Prisoners lead Dipper and Wendy to Gideon, who is standing on the back of a truck.
Gideon Wooooo-we! Look what the apocalypse dragged in! Y'all are in a twelve-piece bucket of deep fried trouble now! Ghost-Eyes! Spitoon!(Spits gum out into spitoon)
Dipper Ugh, it's Gideon.
Wendy And he's gotten folksier.
Gideon Ma' old pal Bill figured you might try to rescue Mabel. So he appointed me, master of these wastelands, and keeper of the bubble! My sweet precious Mabel's trapped inside and I HAVE THE ONLY KEY! (Shows them a key with the shooting star symbol on it) Wrapped around my... well I wouldn't call it a neck exactly, wrapped around this little pocket of fat under ma' head?
Dipper Gideon, you have no right to keep her in there!
Gideon Bill explained it to me nice and simple: she was always destined to be mine! (Takes a newspaper article from when he was dating her from his hat) And now that I have her in a cage she'll learn to love me! I have an eternity to wait! Ghost-Eyes! Ready to escort our friends to Bill's dungeon?
Ghost-Eyes (Picks Dipper and Wendy up)
Dipper Uh! No! Hey!
Wendy This isn't gonna work, Gideon.
Gideon Oh? And why's that?
Wendy Cause after I break Ghost-Eyes' arm and steal that key from your neck, I'm gonna wear your butt on my foot like a rhinestone slipper!
Prisoners behind Gideon (Laugh)
Gideon Oho, and what makes you think you can do all that?
Wendy 'Cause I'm a flippin' CORDUROY! (Flips over Ghost-Eyes' arm and pulls him back)
Dipper (Falls on the ground and ducks, tripping Ghost-Eyes)
Dipper and Wendy (Run away)
Gideon Ghost-Eyes! My hench-angel!
Wendy Ha! (Grabs Gideon and rips the key from his neck, to prisoners:) Get back! Get back! Or I will drop-kick him, I swear! (Breaks a car window and unlocks it)
Gideon You'll never get away with this, ya hear me?!
Wendy Guess what? We already DID! (Kicks Gideon into the other prisoners)
Dipper (Getting into the car behind her) Wendy, you're the coolest person I know.
Wendy I know, dude. Tell me about it later. (Drives away)
Gideon After them!
Prisoners (Get into cars)
Ghost-Eyes (Carrying Gideon into a car) You want your baby seat?
Gideon Yes, please.
Ghost-Eyes (Buckles him into a carseat)
Gideon (Over a microphone:) We are not letting 'em get Mabel! Discount Auto-mart Warriors, rollout!
Prisoners (Drive away, cheering)
Dipper Okay, all we have to do is outrace Gideon's henchmen, unlock the bubble, save Mabel, save the world. (Sees that Wendy had hit a mailbox) Quick question: did you ever get your driver's license?
Wendy Definitely not. Arm! (Swerves to avoid The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity)
Dipper and Wendy Ah!
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity (Grabs one of the cars)
Prisoner inside car Uhahhhhh! (screams this as windshield cracks)
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity (Eats the car)
Gideon Swerve swerve! (Ghost-Eyes Swerves to avoid the arm) I can't let 'em free Mabel!
Ghost-Eyes Remind me why you're keeping your girlfriend in a prison bubble again? Have we, the prisoners, become the wardens?
Gideon SHE LOVES ME! She just doesn't know it yet. Now quit the philosophy.
Ghost-Eyes Sorry. It was my major.
The cars drive toward some bubbles.
Gideon Ha! Weirdness bubbles blockin' the path! WOOOOWEE we got 'em now.
Dipper Watch it! Go around that bubble field!
Wendy No way around! Hold on! We're goin' through!
Dipper What's even in there?!
Dipper and Wendy (Scream as they enter a bubble, then they have bird heads)
Dipper (Chirping, subtitled:) For some reason, I really want worms right now.
Wendy (Chirping, subtitled:) Eat worms! Fly south! Nest!
The car exits the bubble and Dipper and Wendy are normal again.
Dipper (Coughing up feathers) Oh, that was horrible!
Wendy Here comes another one, dude! Brace yourself! (Drives through three more bubbles)
Dipper and Wendy (Screaming, they become anime characters, then they are made of meat products, then they become live-action)
Gideon and Ghost-Eyes (Screaming, they become made of 3D blocks, female versions of themselves in dresses and make-up, and old-fashioned silent cartoon versions of themselves, a card comes up that says:) "AAAAAAAAAUGH!"
Both the cars are back to normal. Ghost-Eyes slams his truck against Wendy's car, breaking the glass.
Wendy Ah!
Dipper Wendy, we're almost there! We just have to make that jump!
Wendy Total lack of driver's training, don't fail me now. (Accelerates and drives off the cliff, screaming as the car flies through the air)
The car hits the ground and rolls. When it stops, the passenger door opens and Dipper falls out.
Dipper So... close. (Crawling) Mabel... I'm... almost there. (Stops in front of a figure in a cloak)
Soos (Offers him his hand and pulls back his hood) Heya, Dipper. How's it hanging?
Dipper Soos!
Wendy (Stands up from behind the car, bruised) Soos?
Soos Handyman of the apocalypse, at your service.
Dipper Soos! How'd you, where'd you-?
Soos I've been wandering the plains like a desperado, helping strangers. I guess there's some folk songs about me now? (Looking at Wendy's arm) Let me see what the damage is, here. Ah, well the good news is: your arm is okay.
Dipper So what's the bad news?
Soos Bad news is we're surrounded, dudes.
The prisoners have surrounded them, cheering.
Gideon Wooowee. I dare say y'all almost had the jump on me there for a second. But this ain't your Gravity Falls anymore! Out here, I win. (Claps and gets thrown a conch, which he blows) Bill's henchbats will be here any minute to retrieve y'all. MABEL'S MINE NOW! Hahahaha!
Dipper Is she?
Gideon Well, yeah. I have her trapped, ergo, Mabel is MINE!
Dipper Gideon, listen to me, if I've learned anything this summer it's that you can't force someone to love you. (Looking at Wendy) The best you can do is strive to be someone worthy of loving.
Gideon Oh, I'm worthy o' lovin'! These prisoners love me!
Prisoners except Gideon (Cheer)
Dipper But Mabel doesn't. Because you're selfish. But you can change! Bill thinks there's no heroes in this world, but if we work together and fight back, we can defeat him. You wanna be Mabel's hero? Stand up to Bill, and let us save her!
Gideon That's crazy! You know what Bill would do to me if that happens?
Ghost-Eyes What, you scared of Bill?
Gideon No, I ju... it's a complicated situation.
Dipper Look inside, Gideon. If all this is for Mabel, then ask yourself what Mabel would want you to do.
Gideon (Looks at the newspaper article, looks at the picture of him and Mabel together, with him smiling and Mabel looking unconformable, quietly:) Dipper. Will you tell her what I did?
Dipper Of course.
Gideon I hope you're right about this. (To the prisoners:) Guys, new plan! Bill's minions are gonna be on us in seconds. But I'm not gonna let that dumb triangle be the warden o' me! Y'all ready for a good old fashioned prison brawl?
Ghost-Eyes We're behind you for life, brother!
Prisoner Fighting children is boring, but fighting a chaos god sounds fun!
Gideon Lets do this! (As the prisoners drive toward the fearamid) Henchmen, rollout!
Prisoners (Cheer)
Soos Whew! And I thought I was gonna have to throw down!
Cut to Dipper, Soos and Wendy in front of Mabel's bubble.
Dipper Okay, remember, guys. This is a prison bubble designed by Bill. We've got to prepare ourselves for what we find in here.
Soos Whatever it is, we'll do it together. For Mabel! (Puts his hand in the center)
Wendy (Puts her hand on top of his) For Mabel!
Dipper (Puts his hand on top of theirs) For Mabel. (Unlocks the padlock and the chains fall to the ground)
Dipper, Soos and Wendy hold hands and enter the bubble. The screen fades to white and "TO BE CONTINUED" appears on the screen. Credits: cut to The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity downtown.
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity Anybody wanna get in my mouth? I'm a big moā€”hungry monsterā€”I'm a big hungry monster here! I would really appreciate it, if someoneā€”you, ma'am, you ma'am, how would you like to get in myā€”
Woman (Offscreen, screams)
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity Anybod- hello! Hey, hey, sir, sir! Eh, false alarm. It's just a bird. Not one person. Not one person has... gotten in my mouth. I don't care anymore. I just... (Sighs, begins to crawl away) I gotta call my mother.
End.

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V - E - H - D Transcripts of Gravity Falls
Season one Tourist Trapped | The Legend of the Gobblewonker | Headhunters | The Hand That Rocks the Mabel | The Inconveniencing | Dipper vs. Manliness | Double Dipper | Irrational Treasure | The Time Traveler's Pig | Fight Fighters | Little Dipper | Summerween | Boss Mabel | Bottomless Pit! | The Deep End | Carpet Diem | Boyz Crazy | Land Before Swine | Dreamscaperers | Gideon Rises
Season two Scary-oke | Into the Bunker | The Golf War | Sock Opera | Soos and the Real Girl | Little Gift Shop of Horrors | Society of the Blind Eye | Blendin's Game | The Love God | Northwest Mansion Mystery | Not What He Seems | A Tale of Two Stans | Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons | The Stanchurian Candidate | The Last Mabelcorn | Roadside Attraction | Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future | Weirdmageddon 1: Xpcveaoqfoxso | Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality | Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls
Animated shorts Candy Monster | Stan's Tattoo | Mailbox | Lefty | Tooth | The Hide-Behind | Mabel's Guide to Dating | Mabel's Guide to Stickers | Mabel's Guide to Fashion | Mabel's Guide to Color | Mabel's Guide to Art | Fixin' It with Soos: Golf Cart | Fixin' It with Soos: Cuckoo Clock | TV Shorts 1 | TV Shorts 2 | Mabel's Scrapbook: Heist Movie | Mabel's Scrapbook: Petting Zoo
"Old Man" McGucket's Conspiracy Corner Marathon Triangles | Stan's Brother | Relation Shipping | Laptop Code | The Ice Man | Medalions | Government Agency | 6-18 | Eyes | Cryptograms
Grunkle Stan's Lost Mystery Shack Interviews Interview - Jake Short/Transcript | Interview - Tyrell Jackson Williams/Transcript
Related Media Unaired pilot | Between the Pines