Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality"

Next: "N/A"

	Episode opens where "Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality" left off.
Dipper, Mabel Pines, Soos Ramirez and Wendy Corduroy	(Run into the Mystery Shack) Yaaahh!!
Celestabellebethabelle, Chutzpar, Bats Biker, Woodpecker guy, Candy, Stan Pines, Grenda, Sheriff Blubs, Pacifica Northwest, Old Man McGucket and some Gnomes	Yaaaahhhh!!
Dipper	Wait.
Dipper and Mabel	Grunkle Stan! (Run to him)
Stan	Kids! I can't believe it! I thought I lost you two!
Soos	(Hugs Stan) Mr. Pines! It's really you! I've been hugging strangers to practice for this moment.
Wendy	(Slams into Stan for a hug) We missed you, you old codger!
Stan	(Chuckles) I've missed you knuckleheads, too. It's good to have you back.
Dipper	So...what's everyone doing here? (Gasps as some Lilliputtians run past him)
Mabel	Yeah there's like monsters and gnomes, and is Pacifica wearing a potato sack?
Pacifica	Hey! Even in a sack I still look better than you.
Multi-Bear	It's...it's a long story.
Wax Larry King	(In the vents) Hey, is anyone gonna feed me? Larry King's disembodied wax head wants num-nums.
Grenda	We're trying to ration our food, remember? (As Wax Larry King chews on her hair) Uhhh...it's happening again.
Multi-bear	(Closes the vents)
Pituitaur	(Looking out the door) Hey, everyone! Eye-bat!
	Everyone gasps.
Gnome	Evasive maneuvers!
Stan	(Slams the door and grabs Dipper and Mabel) Shhh, keep it down.
	The refugees scatter.
Gnome	Hit the lights!
	Outside, an eye-bat turns a scampering raccoon into stone and flies off with it. Cut to theme song.
Stan	(Lights a match and throws it into a can, illuminating the shack, revealing the people sitting around the room) Welcome to what's left of normal around here. Home base.
	The screen pans across the various people hiding in the Mystery Shack.
Toby Determined	(As a gnome pulls a dart out of him) Ow!
Greggy C.	We have...
Sev'ral Timez	(Singing:) Several injuries! (Clutch their injuries) Oh, ow...
Chubby Z.	Ow, my liver, girl!
Dipper	Ah! Rumble McSkirmish?
Rumble	Do not be afraid. Weirdmageddon has taught me, there are some battles I cannot win. I am now Humble McSkirmish. (A digital "-50 despair" pops up next to Rumble)
Mabel	Grunkle Stan, how'd this all happen?
Stan	So I was hammering signs out back when the sky started vomiting nightmares. I listen to a lot of AM radio so I knew what this meant: the end of the world. (Flashback of Stan running inside as the weirdness wave descends) What I didn't expect was what happened next. (The totem pole comes to life and attempts to attack the house, but hits a dome around it) Turns out whatever you and my brother did to the shack with your unicorn voodoo made the crazy place invincible to weirdness. (The totem pole falls over; cut back to the present.)
Dipper	Of course, the unicorn spell. That's why this is the only place Bill's magic can't touch.
Stan	(Gesturing to Old Man McGucket) That's when Possum Breath over here shows up leading a bunch of injured stragglers through the forest. They needed a place to stay and since the mayor got captured, I elected myself de facto chief. The plan's to stay in here and eat Brown Meat until we run out, then I vote we eat the gnomes.
Jeff	Hey! I'm short, not deaf!
Stan	Shh! Shh! Stress will make you chewy.
Dipper	Grunkle Stan, we can't all just hide inside the Shack. There's a town in need of saving. Me and Ford tried to do it, but he got captured by Bill.
Stan	(Opens can of The Brown Meat) Serves that jerk right. My brother's had some stupid plans, but going up against an all-powerful space demon was his worst one yet. Trust me, we have everything we need right here. (Sits down on a wooden lounge chair surrounded by the Multi-Bear and gnomes) It's not the Ritz but at least the monsters inside know how to massage. (To the Multi-Bear:) You know Shiatzu?
Multi-Bear	Yes, I've taken some classes.
Dipper	So you're really just gonna let Bill win?
Stan	Look, kiddo. We got a good deal here. Besides, I'm sure wherever the rest of the townsfolk are, they're fine. (Slams his hand down, accidentally hitting the remote and turning on the TV)
Shandra Jimenez	(On the TV:) This is Shandra Jimenez reporting live from the inside of Bill's castle. Here for the first time are images of what's happened to the captured townsfolk. Viewers are advised to look away if they don't want to see their friends turned into a twisted throne of human agony.
Pacifica	Mom and Dad?
Wendy	My family!
Sheriff Blubs	Deputy Durland!
Shandra	Is there no one who will save the people of this town? I'm Shandra Jimenez and I'm being turned into stone by a flying eyeball. (The TV turns to static)
	Everyone gasps.
Pacifica	Oh, no. My parents are bad but even they don't deserve to be turned to stone.
Sheriff Blubs	(Drops down on his knees) Curse you, Bill! Why must you take everything we love? (Rips his shirt open and cries)
Mabel	(Climbing on top of the Multi-Bear) Guys, don't you see? Our friends need us, but we can only save them if we fight back. (Pulls Dipper up after her)
Dipper	Mabel is right. Bill wants us to run and hide. He wants us to think he's invincible. But Ford told me before he was captured that he knows Bill's secret weakness.
	The refugees perk up and start muttering.
Wendy	Weakness?
Dipper	Now, if we band together, if we combine all of our strength, our smarts, our...whatever Toby has...
Toby	Various rashes!
Dipper	...then we just might be able to rescue Ford, learn Bill's weakness, and save Gravity Falls!
	Everyone cheers.
Stan	Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Have you all forgotten who's in charge here? Besides, we're only safe inside! It's not like we can take the Mystery Shack to Bill.
McGucket	Wha--Whoa! Holy hootenany! Flapjack and fiddlebanjos! Sorry, Sorry. Got a little excited. (Thumps his foot and slaps his knee) What I meant to say is I think I figured out a way to fight Bill and rescue Ford. But we're all gonna have to work together. (Snaps his fingers and a gnome puts glasses on him) Now. You just...
Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Wendy and McGucket	(Talk unintelligibly)
Soos	Don't worry, Ford! We're coming for you!
	Cut to Bill unfreezing Ford at the Fearamid.
Ford	Let me go, you insane three-sided--! Wha--What is this place? (Pulls at a chain on his leg)
Bill	(Rises out of the floor, playing a piano and singing:) We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when. Oh, I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
Ford	Wh-where am I?
Bill	You're in the penthouse suite, kid! The tip of the pyramid. Have a drink. (Snaps his fingers and a martini glass appears in Ford's hand) Make yourself comfortable. (Takes a sip of his drink as Ford sits down) You know that couch is made from living human skin?
	The couch groans as eyes, a nose, and a mouth appear. Ford jumps up.
Ford	Aaah! Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm still alive you must want something from me.
Bill	Ah, sharp as ever, Fordsy. As you may have noticed...I've recently had a (Voice echoing:) multi-dimensional makeover. (Stops echoing and rearranges the room's furniture) I control space, matter, and now that that dumb baby's out of the way, time itself! But I wasn't always this way. (Everything falls to the floor)
Ford	Ooph!
Bill	You think those chains are tight? (Eye shows a planet on a two-dimensional plane, which burns) Imagine living in the second dimension, flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours. There's just one hitch. (Eye projects a hologram of him pushing against the dome around Gravity Falls) As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.
Ford	Incredible! Gravity Falls natural law of weirdness magnetism. I studied this years ago!
Bill	And did you find a way to undo it?
Ford	Of course. There's a simple equation that could collapse the barrier. But I'd never tell you!
Bill	Listen, Ford, if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. (Projects himself drawing a smiley face in the midwest United States, then takes a bite out of the Earth and flies past his friends, who are destroying other planets, then to Ford, who is standing in the middle of a galaxy) Anything will be possible. I'll remake a fun world-- a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! You'd be one of us. All-powerful. Greater than anything you've imagined! And all I need is your help.
Ford	You're insane if you think I'll help you.
Bill	Ha ha ha! I'm insane either way, brainiac. But have it your way. I'll just fish around and get that equation directly out of your mind! (Enters the mental realm)
Ford	Not so fast! You know the rules, Bill. You may be able to haunt my dreams but you can't enter my mind unless I shake your hand and let you in.
Bill	(Enters the physical realm and sighs, then chains Ford's legs and neck) You're making this so much harder than it needs to be. Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk! It's only a matter of time.
Ford	(Screams)
	Cut to the Mystery Shack.
McGucket	(Lays out some blueprints) Alright. I've made some thingamadiculous robomajigs in my day, but this is the first one that won't be used for evil.
Dipper	Whoa! These blueprints are incredible, McGucket.
Mabel	This is your most amazing invention yet.
Soos	Question, does it have any gun-swords? I watch a lot of anime and, uh, trust me, you're gonna want some gun-swords.
McGucket	What's an "anime"?
Soos	We have much to discuss.
Stan	Discuss nothing! These scribbles are a bunch of cockamamie balderdash! Excuse my French.
French lilliputtian	Je ne sais quoi sacrebleu au revoir! (Subtitled:) I don't believe that was French.
Stan	And where would you even find a bunch of idiots who would be crazy enough to build it?
Mabel	Grunkle Stan, you're looking at those idiots.
	Everyone cheers.
Soos	Idiots!
	Cut to montage of the refugees building the robot: McGucket points out the parts needed, then people raid the junkyard; cut to people taking stuff from inside the shack.
Stan	Whoa-what! What are you--? H-hey now! Hey hey! Don't touch that! Hey! Aah!
	Cut to people digging a dinosaur out from the Abandoned mines; Soos showing McGucket anime while the latter takes notes; cuts all the parts being put together and to a "Take Back the Falls" flag. Cut to everyone outside the Shack wearing Mabel's sweaters.
Soos	Thanks for these apocalypse sweaters, Mabel. The end of the world has never been so comfortable.
	Some of the refugees nod and hum in agreement.
Pacifica	(Shivers; Mabel glares at her) Uh! Fine, I'll wear it. (Puts on the llama sweater) But I'm not gonna like it.
Mabel	Admit it. This is the best day of the end of the world. I think we actually have a chance to beat Bill and win back our future.
Dipper	Yeah. Getting to actually live to see our 13th birthday party is the only birthday present I want right now.
Soos	Hey, if we're lucky enough to get there, I guarantee this whole town is gonna throw you the best birthday party you've ever seen.
Dipper	Thanks, Soos. Hey, has anyone seen Grunkle Stan?
Stan	This whole plan is bonkers. But of course no one asked the chief what he thinks. After all I've done for everyone!
Shmebulock	Shmebulock!
Stan	Yeah, exactly, it's a total load of Shmebulock.
Mabel	Is something wrong, Grunkle Stan? You're acting grunklier than usual.
Stan	It's this darn plan to save my brother. If you didn't notice, I already saved him once from that portal, and he never thanked me! He causes the end of the world, and somehow it's still always "Stan's the screw-up. Ford's the hero."
Dipper	Well maybe people think he's a hero because he didn't want to hide in the Mystery Shack!
Stan	Well maybe if he hid in the Mystery Shack, he wouldn't have been captured!
Mabel	Guys! Guys! Trust me, tomorrow's gonna be great! I believe in us.
Chutzpar	Help! Leader Mabel! I keep accidentally flexing through my sweater. (Does so) Augh! It happened again!
Mabel	Those weird cow-monsters are delightful! Coming!
	Cut to the next morning. Gompers walks across a barren wasteland and bleats.
McGucket	Alright, fellas. Let's hope this turns out better than my other inventions.
Mabel	Everybody ready? Dipper, now!
	Dipper pulls a lever, causing wheels to turn. Machinery begins running and the invention starts moving. As the invention stands up, the refugees are tossed side-to-side inside the Shack.
	Cut to Bud Gleeful burning some Gideon dolls.
Bud Gleeful	Forgive me, boy. Your hyperflamable merchandise is the only thing keepin' me going. (As the robot walks past) What in blazes?
	The robot approaches the Fearamid.
Ford	No! No! Noooo!!
Bill	(Zaps him)
Ford	Aaaagh!
Bill	Ready to talk now?
Ford	(Gasping) I won't. I won't let you into my mind.
Bill	What do you think, pals? Another 500 volts? Hey, do you hear that?
	The robot's t-rex head crashes through the Fearamid and roars.
Bill	What?! I just fixed that door!
	The Mystery Shack robot comes into full view.
Soos	It's the Shacktron, dude! (Holds the Take Back the Falls flag, topped with Wax Larry King's head)
Wax Larry King	They made the house into a robot. Fascinating!
Bill	So the mortals are trying to fight back, huh? Adorable! Henchmaniacs, you know what to do! Take them out!
	Bill's minions grow in size and jump out of the Fearamid to stand in front of the Mystery Shack.
Stan	This was a bad idea.
Soos	(Through a microphone:) Uh, hey, dudes. Is this thing on? Test (Feedback screeches) Heh. Uh, I just wanted you monster dudes to hand over Ford or we'll have to, like, fight and junk. Heh. Hey, you're a little cutie.
Paci-Fire	I have butchered millions on countless moons.
Soos	Whoa. I liked you better before you talked. Real... real bring down, this guy.
Pyronica	Attack!
	The demons run at the Shacktron.
Soos	All right, dudes! (Runs into the Shack)
Dipper	Everyone! Like we planned! Three, two, one. Go!
Candy and Grenda	(Operate arms, punching away Paci-Fire and Kryptos)
Mabel	(Uses Waddles' mouth to pull a lever, which causes the Shacktron to shoot several demons away) Ha ha ha. Good pig.
Waddles	(Squeals)
Eye Bats	(Attack the Shacktron)
McGucket	Get em, Gobblewonker! (Operates a Gobblewonker head on top of the Shacktron, grabbing an eye bat in its mouth)
Rumble	(Kills two eye bats with fireballs) Hya! Hya!
Wendy	Oh, no, you don't! (Jumps onto an eye bat and pulls its wings, turning 8 Ball's head to stone. Wendy jumps off the eye bat back into the shack)
Multi-Bear	Everyone! Incoming!
Stan	(Pulling at a door labeled "EXIT") Does this thing have an escape hatch?
	Zanthar rams the Shack and pushes it back. Everyone inside screams.
Mabel	Everybody! Maximum power!
Sev'ral Times	(Runs on a treadmill)
Dipper	And...now! (Turns a wheel and the Shacktron grabs Zanthar and throws it)
Teeth	(Runs away on fire, screaming)
Bill	Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.
Ford	Bravo, Dipper and Mabel!
Bill	Well, would you look at that. Those kids really care about you. And you care about them. (Eye turns red; deep voice:) Don't you?
Ford	What are you....Oh. Oh no.
Bill	Perhaps torturing those kids'll make you talk.
Ford	No. No! Not the kids! You ca-
Bill	(Turns Ford to gold) Let's get this over with. (Crawls outside, grows a giant fist and slams it down on the Shacktron; he raises his fist only to find the Shack perfectly fine) What the? No! No! No! No! No! (Grows ten arms and pounds at the Shack)
Stan	Ah!
Mabel	ATTACK!
Grenda	(Punches, causing the T-rex head to lunge at Bill. It bites Bill's eye and pulls back, ripping his eye out.)
Bill	Aah! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?!?
Dipper	We've got him distracted. Now's our chance.
Mabel	Rescue team, move out!
	Mabel puts her grappling hook in her sweater. Soos puts the memory erasing gun in his backpack. Dipper tests the height-altering crystal flashlight on a Mystery Shack snowglobe. Cut to Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Wendy, Pacifica and Sheriff Blubs standing in the exit tubes.
Dipper	Okay everyone. We get in, rescue Ford, get out, save the world. Piece of cake.
Pacifica	Just so we're clear. If I die, I'm suing all of you.
Stan	Hey, on second thought, maybe we could come up with a plan that doesn't involve us plummeting to our certain death-
Wendy	Now! (Presses a button and they are pulled up out of the tubes and shot out of the Gobblewonker's mouth, screaming. They fall towards the Fearamid's opening)
Dipper	Oh, man, oh, man...
Mabel	(Doing cartwheels through the air) WOOHOO! HAHAHA!
	They open their parachutes as they approach the Fearamid. They all land and remove their parachutes. All of them gasp upon seeing Bill's throne.
Dipper	Oh, man. It looks even worse up close.
Mabel	(Shoots her grappling hook, which lands on Manly Dan and pulls herself up to the throne) I found Great Uncle Ford! (Tosses the grappling hook down) He's golden. But not in the good way!
Stan	Great! Grab him and let's get out of here.
Dipper	But how are we going to unfreeze them?
Gideon	(Offscreen) I know! (Onscreen, dancing in a cage)
	it's revealed that the girls have unplugged it and are standing in nothing but potato sacks for tops and bandages for shoes and stink.] Lori: "GAME OVER, LINCOLN!" Lincoln: [panicking] "It's not what it looks like!" Lori: "We're up there making all these sacrifices, and you're down here playing some stupid computer game?!" Lincoln: "Okay, so maybe it is what it looks like." Lynn: "If you don't wanna give anything up, why should we?" Lincoln: "But...but..." [shows poster] "...polar bear?" [The girls are starting to feel remorse again, but this time, they snap out of it.] Lola: "Aww...wait a minute! You can't use that on us anymore!" Lori: "Come on, girls. Let's go get our stuff back." Leni: [holding up her glass of air] "And a refill!" [They do just that] Gamer 2: "Well, I guess you're going back into the red." Lance: "Which means you're gonna lose the polar bear challenge for our class." Gamer 2: "Which means we can't be seen with you." Lance: "Which means your social life is out the window." [The gamers leave] Lincoln: "Guys, wait! Come back! I can make adjustments!" [Too late. They're out the door.] Lincoln: "I blew it." Clyde: "Don't worry, Lincoln. I'll still hang out with you. In secret, of course." Lincoln: "It's not about that, Clyde. I don't care if the class hates me. What I should have cared about all along was..." [shows poster] "...this guy." Clyde: [gushes over the cub almost as much as he gushes over Lori.] "Aww..." Lincoln: "Exactly! Our class has done their part. My sisters have done theirs. Now it's time for me to do mine." [Clyde gives him a salute.] [The girls have gone back to doing their normal things with their normal power sources. Luna is back to rocking on a ton of amps, Luan is back to baking pies and hitting herself with them, Leni is back to carelessly running water, Lisa is back to using electricity for her machines, and Lori is back to talking to Bobby on many webcams. And yet...the meter is still in the green.] Lori: [giggles] "Oh, Bobby. You got me a present? I can't wait to see it." [It turns out Lincoln is now using a generator to power up the house as the fuel source, pedaling as fast as he can to satisfy his sisters and do his part for the planet.] Lori: [from upstairs] "LINCOLN! PEDAL FASTER! I'M DOWNLOADING A PIC FROM BOBBY! [Lincoln petals faster] [Mrs. Johnson's class] Mrs. Johnson: "Amazing work, class. We won the polar bear challenge. And I took the liberty of naming him...Mrs. Johnson... Students: [complaining at such an unfair naming choice.] "MRS. JOHNSON?!" Mrs. Johnson: "Let's all give Lincoln a round of applause for stepping up his green game and doing his part." [The entire class applauds and cheers for Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Well, I saved the polar bear, and I'm not an outcast. Though, technically speaking...my social life is out the window." [reveals to be standing outside the school wreaking severely from powering the generator yesterday, starts rubbing with a scented towelette and sees his class staring at him.] "Do you mind? I'm showering!" [closes blinds and resumes rubbing.]