Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality"

Next: "N/A"

	Episode opens where "Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality" left off.
Dipper, Mabel, Soos and Wendy	(Run in) Yaaahh!!
Celestabellebethabelle, Chutzpar, Bats Biker, Woodpecker guy, Candy, Stan Pines, Grenda, Sheriff Blubs, Pacifica Northwest, Old Man McGucket and some Gnomes	Yaaaahhhh!!
Dipper	Wait.
Dipper and Mabel	Grunkle Stan!
Stan	Kids! I can't believe it! I thought I lost you two! (Soos slams into Stan) Aaah!
Soos	Mr. Pines! It's really you! I've been hugging strangers to practice for this moment.
Wendy	(Slams into Stan for a hug) We missed you, you old codger.
Stan	(Chuckles) I've missed you knuckleheads, too. It's good to have you back.
Dipper	So...what's everyone doing here? (Lilliputtians run across the Mystery Shack) (gasps)
Mabel	Yeah there's like monsters and gnomes, and is Pacifica wearing a potato sack?
Pacifica	Hey! Even in a sack I still look better than you.
Multi-Bear	It's...it's a long story.
Wax Larry King	Hey, is anyone gonna feed me? Larry King's disembodied wax head wants num-nums.
Grenda	We're trying to ration our food, remember? (Wax Larry King chews on Grenda's hair) Uhhh...it's happening again.
	The Multi-bear closes the vents.
Pituitaur	Hey, everyone! Eye-bat!
	Everyone gasps.
A gnome	Evasive maneuvers!
Stan	(Stan slams  the door shut ,runs back to Dipper and Mabel ,and pushes their heads down forcing them to take cover .) Shhh, keep it down.
	The refugees scatter.
A gnome	Get the lights!
	Outside, an eye-bat turns a scampering raccoon into stone and flies off with it.
	Cut to theme song.
	Stan lights a match and tosses it into a trash bin.
Stan	Welcome to what's left of normal around here. Home base.
	The screen pans across the various humans and creatures hiding in the Mystery Shack.
Creggy G.	We have--
Sev'ral Timez	(singing) Sevral injuries. Oww. Ow, my liver girl.
Dipper	(Gasps)(holds his hands up in defense) Rumble McSkirmish?
Rumble	Do not be afraid. Weirdmageddon has taught me, there are some battles I cannot win. I am now Humble McSkirmish. (A digital "-50 despair" pops up next to Rumble)
Mabel	Grunkle Stan, how'd this all happen?
Stan	So I was hammering signs out back when the sky started vomiting nightmares. I listen to a lot of AM radio so I knew what this meant--the end of the world.
	Cut to flashback. Stan is standing outside the Mystery Shack and Bill's laughter can be heard in the background. Grunkle Stan runs into the Shack as the weirdness wave approaches. (he slams the door shut.)
Stan	(narrating) What I didn't expect was what happened next.
	Cut to outside the Mystery Shack as the wave washes over it. The totem pole grows limbs and attempts to destroy the Shack, but is stopped by a barrier with every hit.
Stan	(narrating) Turns out whatever you and my brother did to the Shack with your unicorn voodoo made the crazy place invincible to weirdness.
	The totem pole collapses and reverts back to an inanimate state. Flashback ends.
Dipper	Of course, the unicorn spell. That's why this is the only place Bill's magic can't touch.
Stan	That's when Possum Breath over here shows up leading a bunch of injured stragglers through the forest. They needed a place to stay and since the mayor got captured, I elected myself de facto chief. The plan's to stay in here and eat Brown Meat until we run out  then I vote we eat the gnomes.
Jeff	Hey! I'm short, not deaf!
Stan	Shh! Shh! Stress will make you chewy.
Dipper	Grunkle Stan, we can't all just hide inside the Shack. There's a town in need of saving. Me and Ford tried to do it, but he got captured by Bill.
Stan	(Opens can of The Brown Meat) Serves that jerk right. My brother's had some stupid plans, but going up against an all-powerful space demon was his worst one yet. Trust me, we have everything we need right here. (Sits down on a wooden lounge chair surrounded by the Multi-Bear and gnomes) It's not the Ritz but at least the monsters inside know how to massage. (To the Multi-Bear) You know Shiatzu?
Multi-Bear	Yes I've taken some classes.
Dipper	So you're really just gonna let Bill win?
Stan	Look, kiddo. We got a good deal here. Besides, I'm sure wherever the rest of the townsfolk are, they're fine. (Stan slams his hand down, accidentally hitting the remote turning on the TV)
	The TV turns on and all of the refugees turn to watch.
Shandra	(On the TV) This is Shandra Jimenez reporting live from the inside of Bill's castle. Here for the first time are images of what's happened to the captured townsfolk. Viewers are advised to look away if they don't want to see their friends turned into a twisted throne of human agony.
Pacifica	Mom and dad?
Wendy	My family!
Sheriff Blubs	Deputy Durland!
Shandra	Is there no one who will save the people of this town? I'm Shandra Jimenez and I'm being turned into stone by a flying eyeball. (The TV turns to static)
	Everyone gasps.
Pacifica	Oh, no. My parents are bad but even they don't deserve to be turned to stone.
Sheriff Blubs	(Drops down on his knees)Curse you, Bill! Why must you take everything we love? ( Rips his shirt off)  (Cries)
Mabel	(Climbing on top of the Multi-Bear) Guys, don't you see? Our friends need us, but we can only save them if we fight back. (Mabel pulls up Dipper)
Dipper	Mabel is right. Bill wants us to run and hide. He wants us to think he's invincible. But Ford told me before he was captured that he knows Bill's secret weakness.
	The refugees perk up and start muttering.
Wendy	Weakness?
Dipper	Now, if we band together, if we combine all of our strength, our smarts, our...whatever Toby has...
Toby	Aureus rashes!
Dipper	...then we just might be able to rescue Ford, learn Bill's weakness, and save Gravity Falls!
	Everyone cheers.
Stan	Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Have you all forgotten who's in charge here? Besides, we're only safe inside! It's not like we can take the Mystery Shack to Bill.
McGucket	Wha--Whoa! Holy hootenany! Flapjack and fiddlebanjos. Sorry. Sorry. Got a little excited. (Thumps his foot and slaps his knee to make his foot quit thumping.)What I meant to say is I think I figured out a way to fight Bill and rescue Ford. But we're all gonna have to work together. (snaps his fingers) Now. (A gnome puts  glasses with green lenses on McGucket) You just.... (Dipper, Mabel, Soos and Wendy gather around McGucket. They murmur as they discuss plans)
	The screen pans over to Stan who pulls at his sash
Soos	(offscreen) Don't worry Ford! We're coming for you!
	Cut to the Fearamid exterior. Cut to Ford being restored to his regular form.
Ford	Let me go you insane three-sided--! Wha--What is this place? (Ford tried to move forward but is stopped by a chain around his ankle.)
Bill	(Singing) (offscreen) We'll meet again. (Coming on screen) Don't know where, don't know when. Oh, I know we'll meet again some, sunny day.
Ford	Wh-where am I?
Bill	You're in the penthouse suite, kid! The tip of the pyramid. Have a drink. (Bill snaps his fingers and a martini glass appears in Ford's hand. Ford sits down.) Make yourself comfortable. (Takes a sip) You know that couch is made from living human skin?
	The couch groans as eyes, a nose, and a mouth appear. Ford jumps up.
Ford	Aaah! Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm still alive you must want something from me.
Bill	Ah, sharp as ever, Fordsy. As you may have noticed...I've recently had a multi-dimensional makeover. I control space, matter, and now that that dumb baby's out of the way, time itself! But I wasn't always this way. (Snaps fingers and gravity returns)
Ford	Ooph!
Bill	You think those chains are tight? Imagine living in the second dimension, flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours. There's just one hitch. As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.
Ford	Incredible! Gravity Falls' natural law of weirdness magnetism. I studied this years ago.
Bill	And did you find a way to undo it?
Ford	Of course. There's a simple equation that could collapse the barrier. But I'd never tell you!
Bill	Listen, Ford, if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. Anything will be possible. I'll remake a fun world--a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! You'd be one of us. All-powerful. Greater than anything you've imagined! And all I need is your help.
Ford	You're insane if you think I'll help you.
Bill	Ha ha ha! I'm insane either way, brainiac. But have it your way. I'll just fish around and get that equation directly out of your mind!
Ford	Not so fast! You know the rules, Bill. You may be able to haunt my dreams but you can't enter my mind unless I shake your hand and let you in.
Bill	(sighs) You're making this so much harder than it needs to be. Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk! It's only a matter of time.
	The shot closes in on Bill's pupil, with Ford's reflection showing. Ford screams.
	Next shot opens up on the Mystery Shack exterior.
McGucket	Alright. I've made some thingamadiculous robomajigs in my day, but this is the first one that won't be used for evil.
Dipper	Whoa! These blueprints are incredible, McGucket.
Mabel	This is your most amazing invention yet.
Soos	Question, does it have any gun-swords? I watch a lot of anime and, uh, trust me, you're gonna want some gun-swords.
McGucket	What's an "anime"?
Soos	We have much to discuss.(he sets his hand on McGucket's shoulder)
Stan	(Offscreen) Discuss nothing! (On screen) These scribbles are a bunch of cockamamie balderdash! Excuse my French.
French lilliputian	Je ne sais quoi sacrebleu au revoir! (Subtitles read: I don't believe that was French.)
Stan	And where would you even find a bunch of idiots who would be crazy enough to build it?
Mabel	Grunkle Stan, you're looking at those idiots.
	Everyone cheers.
Soos	Idiots!
	Cut to montage of the refugees building the robot.
Stan	(During the montage) Whoa-what! What are you--? H-hey now! Hey hey! Don't touch that! Hey! Aah!
	Montage ends on the Take Back the Falls flag as the action music stops.
Soos	Thanks for these apocalypse sweaters, Mabel. The end of the world has never been so comfortable.
	Some of the refugees nod and hum in agreement.
Pacifica	(Pacifica shivers as the wind blows) Uh! Fine, I'll wear it. (She puts on the llama sweater.) But I'm not gonna like it.
Mabel	Admit it. This is the best day of the end of the world. I think we actually have a chance to beat Bill and win back our future.
Dipper	Yeah. Getting to actually live to see our 13th birthday party is the only birthday present I want right now.
Soos	Hey, if we're lucky enough to get there, I guarantee this whole town is gonna throw you the best birthday party you've ever seen.
Dipper	Thanks, Soos. Hey, has anyone seen Grunkle Stan?
Stan	This whole plan is bonkers. But of course no one asked the Chief what he thinks. After all I've done for everyone!
Shmebulock	Shmebulock!
Stan	Yeah, exactly--It's a total load of Shmebulock.
Mabel	Is something wrong, Grunkle Stan? You're acting grunklier than usual.
Stan	It's this darn plan to save my brother. If you didn't notice, I already saved him once from that portal, and he never thanked me! He causes the end of the world, and still somehow it's always "Stan's the screw-up. Ford's the hero."
Dipper	(Crosses his arms in frustration.)Well maybe people think he's a hero because he didn't want to hide in the Mystery Shack!
Stan	Well maybe if he hid in the Mystery Shack, he wouldn't have been captured!
Mabel	Guys! Guys! Trust me, tomorrow's gonna be great! I believe in us.
A Manotuar	Help! Leader Mabel! I keep accidentally flexing through my sweater. Augh! It happened again!
Mabel	Those weird cow-monsters are delightful! Coming!
	Cut to the next morning. Gompers walks across a barren wasteland and bleats.
McGucket	Alright, fellas. Let's hope this turns out better than my other inventions.
Mabel	Everybody ready? Dipper, now!
	Dipper pulls a lever, causing wheels to turn. Machinery begins running and the invention starts moving. As the invention stands up, the refugees are tossed side-to-side inside the Shack.
	Cut to a few townsfolk huddled around fires.
Bud Gleeful	Forgive me, boy. Your hyperflamable merchandise is the only thing keepin' me going. (A giant robotic foot stops in front of Bud) What in blazes?
	A robotic leg with Soos' Pick-up Truck as a foot stomps on the ground in front of the Fearamid. Inside, screaming is heard.
Ford	No! No! Noooo!! (Demons laugh as Bill zaps Ford)
Bill	Ready to talk now?
Ford	(gasping) I won't. I won't let you into my mind.
Bill	What do you think, pals? Another 500 volts? (Crackling) Hey do you hear that?
	A t-rex head crashes through the Fearamid and roars.
Bill	What?! I just fixed that door!
	The Mystery Shack robot comes into full view.
Soos	It's the Shacktron, dude! (He holds the Take Back the Falls flag, topped with Wax Larry King's head.)
Larry King	They made the house into a robot. Fascinating!
Bill	So the mortals are trying to fight back, huh? Adorable! Henchmaniacs, you know what to do! Take them out!
	Bill's minions grow in size and jump out of the Fearamid to stand in front of the Mystery Shack.
Stan	This was a bad idea.
	Cuts to black. Scene opens again with the demons in a stand off against the Mystery Shack.
Soos	(On the P.A.) Uh, hey, dudes. Is this thing on? Test (feedback screeches) Heh. I just wanted you monster dudes to hand over Ford or we'll have to, like, fight and junk. Heh. Hey. You're a little cutie.
Paci-Fire	I have butchered millions on countless moons.
Soos	Whoa. I liked you better before you talked. Real--real bring down, this guy.
Pyronica	Attack!
Soos	All right, dudes! (Soos takes the flag and runs into the Shack)
Dipper	Everyone! Like we planned! Three, two, one. Go!
	Battle ensues.
Mabel	Ha ha ha. Good pig. (Waddles squeals)
McGucket	Get em, Gobblewonker! (laughs)
Rumble	Hya! Hya!
Wendy	Oh, no, you don't!
Multi-Bear	Everyone! Incoming!
Stan	Does this thing have an escape hatch?
	Xanthar head-butts the Shack. The refugees scream.
Mabel	Everybody! Maximum power!
Dipper	And...now!
	Teeth runs away on fire, screaming.
Bill	Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.
Ford	Bravo Dipper and Mabel!
Bill	Well, would you look at that. Those kids really care about you. And you care about them. (Deeper:) Don't you?
Ford	What are you....Oh. Oh no.
Bill	Perhaps torturing those kids'll make you talk.
Ford	No. No! Not the kids! You ca--(Ford is turned to gold)
Bill	Let's get this over with. (Bill hovers over to the Shack and grows a giant fist. He straightens his bowtie before slamming his fist into the Mystery Shack. He lifts up his fist to find the Mystery Shack in tact.) What the--no! No! No! No! No! (Bill grows more arms and furiously pounds at the barrier.)
	Stan screams
Mabel	Attack!
	Grenda punches forward, causing the T-rex head to lunge at Bill. It bites Bill's eye and pulls back, ripping the eye out of his head.
Bill	Aah! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?
Dipper	We've got him distracted. Now's our chance.
Mabel	Rescue team, move out!
	Mabel puts her grappling hook in her sweater. Soos puts the memory erasing gun in his backpack. And Dipper tests the height-altering crystal flashlight. Cut to the rescue team standing in tubes.
Dipper	Okay everyone. We get in, rescue Ford, get out, save the world. Piece of cake.
Pacifica	Just so we're clear. If I die, I'm suing all of you.
Stan	Hey, on second thought, maybe we could come up with a plan that doesn't involve us plummeting to our certain death.
Wendy	Now!
	Rescue team screams as they are shot out of the Gobblewonker's mouth.
Dipper	Oh, man, oh, man...
Mabel	Woo hoo! (laughs)
	They open their parachutes as they approach the Fearamid. They all land and remove their parachutes. All of them gasp upon seeing Bill's Throne.
Dipper	Oh, man. It looks even worse up close.
	Mabel shoots her grappling hook, which lands on Manly Dan's shoulder, and gets pulled up to the base of the throne.
Mabel	I found Great Uncle Ford! (She tosses down the grappling hook.) He's golden. But not in the good way!
Stan	Great! Grab him and let's get out of here.
Dipper	But how are we going to unfreeze them?
Gideon	(offscreen) I know! (Screen turns to show Gideon in a hanging cage. He pants as he dances.)
Mabel	Gideon! What happened to you?
Gideon	Bill captured me. He's been forcing me to do cute dances in this cage for all eternity. (Sobbing) I'm so tired of being cute!
Dipper	How do we undo this?
Gideon	Mayor Tyler. He's the load-bearing human. Pull him out, and the whole thing goes down.
	Dipper pulls at Tyler's arm. He rattles before turning back to normal and breaking free. This sets off a chain reaction, causing the chair to collapse. As it does, the residents are returned to normal. One of the residents hits Gideon's cage, knocking it d own and breaks it ,freeing Gideon.
Lazy Susan	Ugh. My mouth tastes like nightmares.
Robbie	(Falls down on his head) Aah! I think I'm dark and tortured for reals now.
Tad Strange	This experience will forever scar Tad Strange
Gideon	(He angrily rips off his costume) No more sailor suits! (panting)
Manly Dan	Wendy! (Manly Dan and the Corduroy brothers run to Wendy)
Wendy	Guys!
Pacifica	Mom! Dad!
Sheriff Blubs	Durland! (He knocks over Preston and Priscilla to get to Durland)
Deputy Durland	My Blubs!
Sheriff Blubs	Don't you ever scare me like that again. (They hug and everyone cheers)
	Cut to Ford as he unfreezes.
Ford	Kids! Aah, you did it! I knew I could count on you two. Haha! (McGucket walks up to them) Fiddleford. I--I haven't seen you since we parted ways. You must hate me.
McGucket	I've tried forgettin'. Maybe I should try forgiving. Come here, old friend. (He hugs Ford)
Stan	Hey, good to see you too, bro. Now let's get outta here, huh?
Dipper	Listen Uncle Ford, we don't have a lot of time. Remember how you told me right before you were frozen that you knew Bill's weakness?
Mabel	Yeah, a secret way to defeat him?
Ford	I--I do! (Pulls on gloves) Now, does anyone have a pen? Pencil? Anything? (Sees Robbies spraypaint can) Ah. (Grabs the can) Perfect. (He begins drawing with the spraypaint)
Dipper	Uh, we've got Bill outside, but I don't know how long we can keep him occupied.
Ford	Yes, yes. Good, good.
Stan	Drawing a circle on the floor. Well, he's lost his mind.
Ford	My mind is fine. And there is a way to beat him. With this.
	Shot pulls back to show that Ford has drawn Bill's wheel.
Pacifica	The world's most confusing game of hopscotch?
Ford	No, a prophecy. Although it would be a pretty fun game of hopscotch. (Fades to flashback of Ford in a cave.) (Ford narrating:) Many years ago I found ten symbols in a cave. Some I recognized then, some I only recognize now. The native people of Gravity Falls prophesied that these symbols could create a force strong enough to vanquish Bill. With Bill defeated, his weirdness would be reversed and the town could be saved. (Flashback ends) This whole time I though that it was just superstition. But seeing you all here now I finally understand that it's destiny. Dipper, the pine tree. Mabel, the shooting star.
Soos	The question mark. This one's unsolvable.
Wendy	(Pushing Robbie into the circle) That one's easy. You've been rockin' that dumb hoodie since the seventh grade.
Robbie	Whoa. Destiny hoodie.
Dipper	The Tent of telepathy sign! That must be Gideon.
Gideon	Whoo! An excuse to stand next to Mabel.
Mabel	Don't turn this into a big deal.
Gideon	Oh, I won't. (Whispers) I will.
	Cut to Bill fighting against the Mystery Shack robot.
Bill	(Noticing the leg outside of the shield) What the--- Hey Achilles! Nice work with the heel! (Rips off leg. The refugees gasp.) Fore!
Ford	Hold hands everyone. This is a mystical human energy circuit.
Dipper	Ice? Who's ice?
Ford	The symbols needn't all be literal, Dipper. It just has to be someone cool in the face of danger.
Lee, Nate, Tambry, Thompson	Wendy! Wendy!
Wendy	(giggles) shut up, you guys.
Ford	Much like the spectacles need to be someone scholarly.
McGucket	(steps into the circle) Heh heh!
Pacifica	(Steps into the circle) This is freaky.
Ford	Now hold hands, everyone.
	McGucket extends his dirty hand.
Pacifica	Ew! I'm not touching that.
Preston	Do it, sweetie. Do the one thing no one in our family has ever done--Touch the hillbilly.
	Pacifica touches McGuket's hand an a light glows around everyone in the circle.
Dipper	Great Uncle Ford! It think it's working! (McGucket laughs)
Ford	Yes! This is it! (To the townsfolk:) The rest of you get out. It's too dangerous! (The townsfolk flee) We just need one more person...Stanley! Stanley, get over here. You're the only one left.
Stan	You realize this is a bunch of hogwash, right? You really think some caveman graffiti is gonna stop that monster?
Gideon	Dang it, old man! Now's not the time!
Wendy	Come on!
Pacifica	What are you doing? You're gonna ruin this!
Robbie	I've never held hands this long and I am very uncomfortable.
Stan	Whoa. Hey. I'm not the enemy here, people. Don't forget who literally created the end of the world.
Ford	I'm sorry, Stanley. I know. Just help me fix it. Please.
Stan	Fine. Just do one thing. Say "thank you."
Ford	What?
Stan	I spent thirty years trying to bring you back into this dimension and you still haven't thanked me! You want me to shake your hand? Say "thank you."
Ford	Fine. Thank you.
Stan	Now, see. Between me and him, I'm not always the bad twin.
Ford	Between "him and me." Grammar, Stanley.
Stan	I'll "grammar Stanley" you! You stuck up (Stan continues shouting)
Ford	Don't jeopardize this, you idiot! (Ford continues shouting)
Mabel	Guys, stop it!
	Dipper and Mabel run to Stan and Ford, each pulling at their great uncles, respectively.
Dipper	Join hands!
	Ford and Stan stop fighting as Bill approaches.
Bill	Oh no, it's Bill. Right? Isn't that what you're all thinking? Hey, Gideon, why aren't you dancing? Chop chop, huh?
	Cut to first end card.
Bill	Ha ha ha ho! This is just too perfect! Didn't you brainiacs know the zodiac doesn't work if you don't all hold hands? And what's better, you've brought every threat to my power together in one easy-to-destroy circle.
	Bill releases a wave of fire. The circle starts burning away. Dipper and Mabel gasp.
Dipper	Oh no!
Pacifica	Ah! (Patting down her hair) My hair!
Robbie	(Patting down his hair) Aaah! My hair also!
Bill	(Bill grabs Stan and Ford) You guys wanna see what happens to your friends when you can't get along?
McGucket	Hey! You give them back!
Gideon	You've gone too far, Cipher!
Wendy	Yeah! We're not scared of you! (Wendy grabs her ax and McGucket pulls out a banjo)
Bill	Oh, but you should be. (Bill snaps and all of the none-Pines' eyes turn to slits as they float up behind Bill)
Dipper	Oh no!
Bill	You know, this castle could really use some decorations! (The non-Pines people turn into tapestries. Dipper and Mabel gasp.) Looks like it's too late for your friends, Stanford.
	Dipper and Mabel gasp as triangles surround them.
Stan	Ah! Kids!
Bill	But you can still save your family. Last chance: tell me how to take Weirdmageddon global and I'll spare the kids!
Dipper	No! Don't do it!
Mabel	Yeah! Bill makes bad deals!
Bill	Don't you toy with me, shooting star. I see everything--! (Mabel sprays the spraypaint in his eye) Ow! Not again! Why?! Every time!
Stan	Nice shot, pumpkin. (Ford and Stan are released and drop to the ground)
Bill	I just regenerated that eye!
Mabel	I know that hurts because I've accidentally done it to myself--multiple times!
	Dipper pulls out the height-altering crystal flashlight and enlarges their cage. Dipper and Mabel jump out as Bill continues to scream in pain.
Dipper	Save yourselves. Run! We'll take care of Bill!
Ford	What? That's a suicide mission!
Dipper	Trust us. We've beat him before...
Mabel	and we'll beat him again! (Dipper and Mabel fist-bump) Hey! Bill! Come and get us you pointy jerk!
	Bill growls. Dipper and Mabel run off into the Fearamid. Before leaving, Mabel blows a raspberry.
Ford	What? No! It's too dangerous! (Stan and Ford start to run after them but are caught by Bill)
Bill	Not so fast. You two wait here. (Bill transforms into a larger, more demonic version of himself) I've got some children I need to make into corpses. (In a monster voice) Seeya real soon.
Stan	No! Wait! No! No! (Bill goes after Dipper and Mabel) What do we do? What do we do?
Ford	(Bangs on bars) Kids!
	Dipper and Mabel run through the Fearamid, with Bill chasing them.
Bill	When I get my hands on you kids I'm gonna disassemble your molecules! You've tricked me for the last time!
Stan	Oh, I can't believe this. The kids are gonna die and it's all my fault--because I couldn't shake your stupid hand. Uh, dad was right about me. I am a screw-up.
Ford	Ah, don't blame yourself. I'm the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery. You would have seen him for the scam artist he is.
Stan	How did things get so messed up between us?
Ford	We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it?
Stan	Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better. (Ford stands up) Whoa, where you goin'?
Ford	I'm going to play the only card we have left. Let Bill into my mind. He'll be able to take over the galaxy and maybe even worse, but at least he might let the kids free.
Stan	What?! Are you kiddin' me?! Are you honestly telling me there's nothing else we can do?!
Ford	Bill's only weak in the mind space. If I didn't have this darn plate in my head we could just erase him with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind.
Stan	What if he goes into my mind? My brain isn't good for anything.
Ford	(chuckles) There's nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me. We need to take his deal. It's the only way he'll agree to save you and the kids.
Stan	Do you really think he's gonna make good on that deal?
Ford	What other choice do we have?
	Cut to Dipper and Mabel running through the Fearamid. They scream as they reach a dead end.
Dipper	You know, I'm starting to think there's no way out of here.
Mabel	Like Grunkle Stan always says, when one door closes choose a nearby wall and bash it in with brute force. (She grows her hand and punches through a side of the Fearamid)
Dipper	Ha! Now let's round up the townsfolk and together we can defeat--Oh, no! (Dipper looks down to see the townsfolk captured)
	Bill's minions are surrounding some of the creatures townsfolk laughing.
Grenda	You'll never take us alive monsters!
Teeth	That's fine with us! (Teeth eats a gnome. The townsfolk scream.)
Dipper	Oh, no.
Bill	Peeka-boo! (Dipper and Mabel scream as they are caught by Bill)
	Bill re-enters the throne room, Dipper and Mabel in hand.
Bill	Alright, Ford. Time's up. I've got the kids. I think I'm gonna kill one of 'em now just for the heck of it! (Bill holds Dipper and Mabel closer to his face. His eye switches between a pine tree and shooting star as he speaks) EENIE..MEENIE...MINEE...YOU!! (Bill lands on shooting star and is about to snap his fingers before being cut off)
Ford	Wait! I surrender.
Bill	Good choice. (drops Dipper and Mabel)
Stan	Don't do it Ford, it'll destroy the universe!!
Ford	It's the only way.
Bill	(Cackles) Oh, even when you're about to die, you Pines twins can't get along.
Ford	My only condition is that you let my brother and the kids go!
Bill	Fine.
Dipper	No, Grunkle Ford! Don't trust him!
Bill	It's a...deal! (Bill and "Ford" shake hands. Bill cackles and enters his mind.) Oh, I'm here. I'm finally here. Look at this place--a perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to ya, Ford. You really know how to clear your m-- (Bill opens the door to see Stan in the recliner playing with a paddleball. Stan points a finger gun at Bill.) What?!
Stan	Ha ha! Do a pretty good impression of my brother, don't I? Switch clothes and no one can tell us apart. Welcome to my mind. Surprised you didn't recognize it.
	Outside of Stan's mind, Ford takes off Stan's fez and pulls out the memory erasing gun. He enters "Stanley Pines" and aims it at his brother. Cut back to Stan's mind.
Bill	What?! The deal's off! (The door shuts behind Bill. A blue fire starts to fill the room.) What the---No. No. No. No. No!
Stan	Oh yeah. You're going down, Bill. You're gettin' erased. Memory gun. Pretty clever, huh?
Bill	You-you idiot! Don't you realize you're destroying your own mind, too?
Stan	Eh. It's not like I was using this space for much, anyway.
Bill	Let me outta here! Let me--Oh!--Why isn't this working?
Stan	Hey, look at me. Turn around and look at me you one-eyed demon! You're a real wiseguy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family.
Bill	You're making a mistake. I'll give you anything. Money. Fame. Riches. Infinite power. Your own galaxy! Please! No! What's happening to me?! (Bill's voice fragments and distorts while he glitches out and morphes into several alternated and distorted Versions of himself) (Talks in reverse) !nruter yam I taht rewop tneicnA eht ekowni I !nrub ot emoc sah emit yM !L-T-O-L-O-X-A (screams) Staaaanleeeey!
Stan	(Stan screams as he punches Bill, destroying him.) (Pants) (Stan picks up a photo of him with Dipper and Mabel) Heh. Guess I was good for something after all.
	Cut to outside of Stan's mind. Once Ford finishes erasing Stan's memory he drops the memory erasing gun. The others from the wheel return to normal and drop to the floor. Outside of the Fearamid, the rift sucks all of the demons back into the portal. Teeth spits out the gnome as he gets pulled away.
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity	Hey! Hey!
	The Fearamid is deconstructed and pulled into the rift. Once it is gone, a wave washes over the town, restoring it to its pre-Weirdmageddon state. The townsfolk look around, and Xyler, Craz and Rumble McSkirmish all fade away. The forest is shown with a bird landing on a statue of Bill, covered in moss and vegetation. Cut to another part of the forest with Stan still collapsed on the ground. He blinks his eyes open.
Mabel	(Running up to Stan to put the fez back on his head) Oh, my gosh! Grunkle Stan, you did it!
Stan	Oh, uh, hey there...kiddo. (He pulls Mabel's arms off of him) What's your name?
Mabel	Grunkle Stan?
Stan	Heh. (Looks around) Who you talkin' to?
Mabel	C-cmon. It's me. It's me, Grunkle Stan. (Dipper pulls Mabel back) Grunkle Stan, it's me!
Ford	We had to erase his mind to defeat Bill. It's all gone. Stan has no idea, but he did it. He saved the world. He saved me. (Ford kneels down and puts a hand on Stan's shoulder) You're our hero, Stanley. (Ford hugs Stan and sniffles)
	Mabel is kneeling, crying. The shot pans out to the two Pines twins with each other. Cut to Dipper picking up a Stan bobblehead. Mabel is holding Stan's hand, and Ford and Stan are in their regular clothes. Dipper tries to open the door to the Mystery Shack but it's locked. He bangs it open and motions the other Pines and Soos inside.
Stan	Hey, this is a real nice place you got here.
Dipper	It's your place, Grunkle Stan.
Mabel	Don't you remember? Even a little?
Stan	(Sitting down in the recliner) Nope. But this chair hugs my butt like it remembers. Ah. (Stan opens his eyes to see Soos, Mabel, Ford and Dipper looking sad.) Hey, why the long faces? You guys look like it's someone's funeral. (Whispering) Who's that big guy crying in the corner?
	Soos cries harder.
Dipper	We saved the world, but what's the point? Grunkle Stan's not himself anymore.
Mabel	There's gotta be something we can do to jog his memory.
Ford	There isn't. I'm sorry. Stan's gone.
Mabel	I know my Grunkle is in there somewhere. There's gotta be something around here that can help bring him back. (She spots her memory album and grabs it and climbs on the recliner next to Stan.) This'll work! This has to work! Here's the first day we came to Gravity Falls, Grunkle Stan. And here's a macaroni interpretation of my emotions. (She flips through the pages, filled with pictures from previous episodes.)
Dipper	That time we went fishing. That Summerween we spent together. Don't you remember anything?
Stan	I'm sorry. I don't know what this is or who you are or--gaah! (Waddles jumps up on Stan's lap.) Quit it, Waddles! I'm trying to remember my life story!
Dipper	(Dipper and Mabel gasp) What did you say?
Stan	I said get Waddles off of me.
Ford	(Gasps) It's working. Keep reading.
Soos	Skip to my page! He needs to remember our boss-employee relationship.
Stan	Hey, just cuz I have amnesia don't go tryin' to give yourself a raise, Soos.
Dipper	(Stan sits back down on the recliner.) It's happening! Keep going!
Mabel	Ok. Ok. "Day two. Grunkle Stan smells weird but we're starting to bond. He told us a lot about being a business man in the '80s and seemed happy when we pretended to listen. He also gave me a grappling hook which everyone is impressed by. And in more important news, I met some neighborhood hotties." (Mabel laughs, then Ford, Soos and Dipper join in laughing, followed by Stan.)
	Cut to a woodpecker landing on the Welcome to Gravity Falls sign. A gnome pops up and eats the bird.
Shandra	(Off screen) Good morning, Gravity Falls. It's another beautiful day, but every day is beautiful now that the...unpleasantness is over.
Sprott	(Shoo-ing away some eye-bats.) Git outta here, you ornery critters!
	Cut to a zombie popping out of the ground. Greg Valentino pushes it back into the ground with his foot.
Greg	Ah, good as new. (Janice pushes one in the ground with a shovel as another grabs her leg.) Oh! Looks like you've got a friend.
Janice	Robbie, would you be a dear and get us the sawed-off shotgun?
Robbie	Ugh. Fine, whatever.
Mayor Befufftlefumpter	(Pops out of the ground.) Brains, and so forth.
Janice	Nope. None of that, thank you. (She pushes him back into the ground. Greg and Janice laugh.)
Tyler	None of us really understand what just happened and none of us want to. That's why I'm passing the Never Mind All That Act. If anyone goes asking around about the "events" of the last few days, what do we say?
Crowd	(They cheer as a sign drops down.) Never mind all that!
Sheriff Blubs	And if you break the rules, we're gonna zap you.
Deputy Durland	Zap! Zap! We're mad with power!
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland	(They drop their tasers and grab each others' faces.) And love.
Shandra Jimenez	(Offscreen.) In other news, the Northwest family has gone broke. After pledging his allegiance to Bill and then placing all his savings in weirdness bonds, Preston Northwest had to sell his mansion to preserve his family fortune.
	Preston and Priscilla cry.
Priscilla	(To Pacifica) You're only going to have one pony now.
	Shot closes in on Pacifica's horrified face accompanied by dramatic music.
Shandra	But fortunes have also turned for local maniac Fiddleford McGucket who, after regaining his sanity, has made millions overnight submitting his patents to the US government.
McGucket	I'm gonna buy me a bigger shed! (Pointing to the Northwest Manor) Hey, that one's for sale!
Shandra	In other good news, town hero Stanley Pines has fully recovered his memory and will be throwing a party to celebrate his niece and nephew's thirteenth birthday and final day in town. But other than that, I can safely say our beloved Gravity Falls is back to normal. And now, Bodacious T, with sports.
Toby Determined	It's called death ball.
	Cut to Dipper and Mabel's birthday cake.
Crowd of friends and family	(singing)...to you. (Waddles squeals. Everyone cheers.)
Mabel	I can't believe you all got together just to throw a party for us.
Tyler	After all the Pines family has done for the town, it's the least we could do. You've helped everyone here.
Gideon	Thanks to y'all savin' us, I'm gonna learn to open my heart to kindness. No more evil-doin'. From now on, I'm gonna try to be Li'l Gideon, regular ol' kid.
	Cut to Gideon at a park on a skateboard.
Gideon	Wa--oh! Woo! I'm bustin' a move on this skatin' board.
Unnamed kid	(Walking past Gideon) More like busting your pants, loser. (Laughs.)
	Gideon looks over at Ghost-Eyes and another prison buddy on the teeter-totter. He snaps his fingers and the two go after the boy. Offscreen, they beat him up and the boy screams. Gideon giggles. Cut back to the party.
Soos	Dude! Make a wish, dawg.
Dipper	You know, on my first day here, if you had asked me what I wanted, I would have said adventure, mystery, true friends. But looking here at all of you I realize that every wish came true. (Chuckles) I have everything I wanted.
Mabel	If I had only one wish it would be to shrink all of you with the shrink ray and bring you home with us in my pocket. But since that's impossible--(looks at Ford) Is it impossible. (Ford makes a "so-so" gesture with his hand.) Since that's probably impossible, my only wish is for everyone to sign my scrapbook. I'll never forget you guys. Wait. (Mabel pulls out the memory erasing gun and smashes it.) Now I'll never forget you guys. (Dipper and Mabel blow out their candles.)
	I now officially declare you technically teenagers. Welcome to angst and acne forever.
Wendy's friends	(Chanting) One of us! One of us!
	The teens continue chanting as Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs cheer and fire a canon.
Soos	So how do you feel?
Mabel	Same-y, but different-y.
Pacifica	(Offscreen) Hey, you two. (On screen) When are you gonna open your presents already? I broke a nail wrapping them.
Mabel	(Dipper and Mabel laugh) Pacifica.
	Dipper and Mabel each grab a present. Stan claps.
Ford	Stanley, I need to talk to you. (Stan and Ford walk behind the Mystery Shack.) I didn't wanna say anything with everyone listening, but we've got a problem. Weirdmageddon has been contained but I'm detecting some strange new anomalies near the arctic ocean. I want to go investigate it but I think I might be too old to go it alone.
Stan	Are you sayin' you need someone to help you sail around the world in the adventure of a lifetime?
Ford	I don't just want someone to come with me Stanley, I want it to be you. (Ford gives Stan a photo of them at Glass Shard Beach on the Stan-o-war.) Will you give me a second chance?
Stan	You think we'll find treasure? And babes?
Ford	Ha! I'd say there's a high probability. But, what should we do with the Mystery Shack?
Stan	I think the town's had enough mystery for one lifetime. Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
	Stan and Ford whisper. Soos walks up behind them, eating cake, and gasps when he overhears their conversation.
Stan	(Tapping a Pitt cola bottle) Everyone. I have an announcement to make. Me and my--heh!--nerdy bro over here have some catchin' up to do. We're gonna be away for a while. That's why I'm shutting down the Mystery Shack for good. (The party-goers gasp and murmur.)
Soos	You shut down your mouth for good! I'm sorry, Mr. Pineses. It's just that this shack is the most magical place on Earth. Sure, the attractions are all fake, but dreams aren't fake! Like, this mermaid. It's not just a dead fish butt sewn to a monkey carcass. It's a marvelous creature that makes us believe that anything is possible. You shut down this shack, and you shut down our dreams! At least...my dreams.
The partygoers	Aww. (Deputy Durland sniffles and whimpers.)
Stan	(Sighs) I'm sorry, Soos. It's just, there's no one around to run it. At least, there wouldn't be if I hadn't just found the perfect replacement. (Stan puts his fez on Soos' head.) Ladies and gentleman, the Mystery Shack is under new management. (The partygoers cheer.)
Soos	You...you mean it, Mr. Mystery?
Stan	You're Mr. Mystery now, Soos. Try not to burn the place down.
Abuelita	(Carrying luggage and assorted items, with a 'Movers' truck in tow.) I'll move in immediately.
	The partygoers keep cheering. Cut to the Mystery Shack later that evening. The screen shows the empty attic. Cut to the Pines, Soos, Wendy, Candy, Grenda and Waddles at the bus stop.
Candy	Do you really have to go? There's still so much we haven't done together.
Mabel	Summer's over, Candy. It's time for us to grow up.
Dipper	But not too much.
Grenda	Aaah! I hate my dumb heart for making me feel things. (Grenda punches her torso.) Cut. It. Out. Heart!
Soos	Hey, can you punch my heart, too?
Candy	No, mine! Punch my feelings away.
Mabel	(Mabel hugs Candy and Grenda.) Candy and Grenda, thank you for being my people. You'll always be my best friends. Grunkle Stan, thanks for wearing my goodbye sweater.
Stan	Ah, it's cold out. I had to.
Soos	What? But it's like eighty-something degrees out today.
Stan and Ford	Can it, Soos!
	Dipper, Mabel, Candy and Grenda laugh.
Wendy	(Wendy walks up and kneels down next to Dipper.) Hey, you mean a lot to me, man.
Dipper	(Fist-bumps Wendy.) You, too.
Wendy	(Switches hats with Dipper.) Something to remember me by. (Handing Dipper a letter.) Oh, and this. Read it the next time you miss Gravity Falls.
	A bus pulls up.
Bus Driver	Last bus leaving Gravity Falls. All aboard.
Mabel	Guess we've said goodbye to everyone except...Waddles. I...I don't know how to explain this but... (sigh) Mom and dad won't let me bring a pig home to California so...you have to stay here!
	Waddles squeals. He runs up to Mabel and pulls on her skirt.
Mabel	(Trying to push Waddles off of her.) Come on. Come on. I have to go. I'm...I'm sorry Waddles.
Stan	Agh! You know what? Forget it! I lived with this pig all summer, now your parents are gonna have to. (Stan sets Waddles down on the bus.) Hey bus guy! This pig is comin' with the kids.
Bus Driver	Now, hold on a second. Bringing animals aboard a moving vehicle is strictly prohibited by--
	Stan pulls out his brass knuckles and Ford shows his gun.
Bus Driver	Wah--Welcome aboard. You can sit in the front row, pig.
Stan	Kids, you knuckleheads were nothin' but a nuisance and I'm glad to be rid of ya.
Mabel	(Mabel sniffles. Tearfully, Dipper and Mabel hug Stan.) We'll miss you too, Grunkle Stan.
Dipper	Ready to head into the unknown?
Mabel	Nope. Let's do it.
	Everyone runs after the bus shouting their farewells.
Mabel	Bye! Bye everybody! We'll miss you.
Dipper	Bye! I'll miss you guys, too!
Dipper	(Narrating) If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls.
	Cut to McGucket walking into the Northwest Manor. He drops his sack and banjo on the ground.
McGucket	Well, I've moved in.
Dipper	(Narrating) It's not on any maps, and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait.
	At the Mystery Shack, Soos unveils a statue of Stan. The kids run away screaming.
Dipper	(Narrating) Take a trip. (Cut to a scene of Stan and Ford fighting a giant squid.) Find it. (Cut to Mabel asleep on Dipper on the bus.) It's out there somewhere in the woods. Waiting. (Dipper opens the letter from Wendy which reads "See you next summer" along with the signatures from many of the residents of gravity falls. Dipper is surprised but smiles upon reading the letter.)
	We then see the scrolling closing credits in the form of Mabel's scrapbook with various pictures such as Waddles playing with the bubble, Dipper and Mabel letting off firecrackers, Mabel doing crazy poses while taking a selfie such as blowing a dandelion and "eating" a sun, Wendy makes a "crazy face" in front of the camera, Dipper clones #3 and #4 relaxing under the tent during the rain, Stan trying out the grappling hook while holding Ford, Mabel painting Ford's figures, Old Man McGucket and his son Tate relaxing in the pool, Quentin Trembley looking yonder at Gravity Falls while sitting on his horse backwards, Mabel, Grenda and Candy doing quick poses in a photo booth, the Pines family watch TV but falls asleep the next day, some objects in the Mystery Shack like the antique diving helmet and the jar of eyeballs, a tree shows a number of heart carving with one of them saying Mabel+Gabe, possibly about Mabel's ex-boyfriends, a snack bar in the Mystery Shack where a kid takes one cookie bag, Grenda and Candy during the final days of summer are traveling in the yacht with Marius von Fundshauser when Grenda vigorously kisses him and the final picture before the credits end shows Dipper and Mabel sleeping in the bus seat as they reach their hometown of Piedmont, California. Before the series ends with the last end card, there is a live action shot of Bill's petrified statue hidden in the woods.