The episode opens with Hank grilling burgers while twins  are running around beside him. He asks his unnamed wife if she wants cheese on her burger. Brad begins narrating.
Brad (Narrating) Ah, summer break.
Hank So you want cheese on that, hon?
Unnamed wife Sure, Hank.
Brad (Narrating) A time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy. Unless you're me.
Cut to the "Welcome to Gravity Falls" sign. Mini and Brad crash through it with the Mystery Cart. They are being chased by an unknown monster. Mini looks back.
Mini It's getting closer!
Brad (Narrating) My name is Brad. The girl about to puke is my sister Mini. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.
The monster throws a tree in their path.
Mini Look out!
Brad (Narrating) Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
Cut to the theme song.
Brad (Narrating) Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon to stay at our great uncle's place in the woods.
Cut to Mini in the attic hanging up posters.
Mini This attic is amazing. Check out all my splinters!
Brad And there's a goat on my bed.
The goat starts gnawing on Mini's sweater sleeve.

Hey, friend. Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Brad (Narrating) My sister tended to look on the brighter side of things.
Cut to Mini rolling down a hill of grass.
Mini Yay! Grass!
A woodpecker pecks on Brad's old hat.
Brad (Narrating) But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings.
Dami scares Brad with a scary green mask.
Dami Boo!
Brad Ah!
Dami pops his mask off, laughing obnoxiously.
Brad (Narrating) And then there was our great uncle Dami.
Cut to Dami, still laughing and slapping his knee.
Brad (Narrating) That guy.
Dami starts to cough and chokes.
Dami It was worth it.
Brad (Narrating) Our uncle transformed his house into a tourist trap he called 'The Gravity Shack.' The real mystery is why anyone came.
The Jackalope's antler breaks off.
Dami Ladies and Gentlemen, behold! The Sascrotch!
Cut to a Sasquatch wearing underwear. People get excited and speak, and snap pictures. Cut to Brad sweeping the wooden floor with a broom.
Brad (Narrating)

And guess who had to work there.

Brad sighs while sweeping. Mini is about to touch a head-sized eyeball. Dami slaps Mini's hand with his 8-Ball.
Dami No touching the merchandise!
Cut to Matt driving the Mystery Cart to The Gravity Shack.
Brad (Narrating) It seemed like it was going to be the same boring routine all summer. Until one fateful day...
Cut to Mini peeking through Stan bobbleheads.
Mini He's looking at it! He's looking at it!
Cut to a boy looking at Mini's note. It reads-

Uh, (Reading off the note) "Do you like me?




Mini I rigged it!
Brad Mini, I know you're going through your whole "Boy Crazy" phase, but I think you're kind of over doing it with the "crazy" part.
Mini What?
Mini sticks her tounge out.
Mini Come on, Brad! This is our first summer away from home. It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance.
Brad Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every guy you meet?
Flirting montage starts.
Mini My name is Mini. But you can call me "the girl of your dreams".
Mini pushes boy. Boy falls over postcard stand.
Mini I'm joking! Ha ha ha ha!
Cut to a boy holding a turtle on a bench, Mini's head pops up behind it.
Mini Oh my gosh, you like turtles? I like turtles too! What is happening here?!
Cut to a store that sells mattresses and an employee who is dressed as a saving king.
MP Come one, come all, to the Mattress Prince's kingdom of savings!
Mini (Hiding behind a set of colorful balloons, pops out head and whispers.) Take me with you...
MP Ah!
Cut back to Mini and Brad.
Mini Mock all you want, brother, but I've got a good feeling this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now.
Cut to the museum door, Dami walks in it with arrow signs and a Pitt Cola. He belches.
Dami Oh! Oh, not good. Ow.
Mini Oh, why?
Brad Ha ha ha!
All right, all right, look alive people. I need someone to hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest.
Brad (Quickly) Not it.
Mini (Quickly) Not it.
Matt Uh, also not it.
Dami Nobody asked you, Matt.
Matt I know, and I'm comfortable with that.
Matt eats a chocolate bar.
Dami Emma, I need you to put up these signs!
Emma I would, but I can't, ugh, reach it.
'Emma grunts while "reaching" the signs while distractedly reading a magazine.
Dami I'd fire all of you if I could. All right, let's make it... eenie, meenie, mieney…
Dami points at Brad.
Dami You.
Brad Aw, what? Grunkle Dami, whenever I'm in the woods, I feel like I'm being watched.
Dami Ugh, this again.
Dami face palms.
Brad I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out "Beware".
Dami (Looks at Brad's arm) That says "bewarb". Look, kid. The whole "monsters in the forest" thing is just local legend, trumped up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that.
A fat male tourist laughs while looking at a Dami bobble head on the shelf.
Dami So quit being so paranoid!
Dami gives Brad the signs. Brad sighs.
Cut to a foggy forest with trees getting blown by the wind.
Brad Ugh, Grunkle Dami. Nobody ever believes anything I say.
Brad puts one sign up on a tree that says "To The Mystery Shack". He starts to hammer a nail on another tree trunk, but it makes a metallic sound. He taps the tree with the hammer, more metallic sounds. He wipes away some dust and opens a secret window that opens up to a box with two control switches on top. He tests one control but nothing happens. Then he tries the other. Behind him, a hole opens up the ground while Gompers, a goat, was sniffing it. The goat bleats and runs away.
Brad What the?
Brad looks inside the hole, and there is a book. The cover features a hand with six fingers on it and the number 3. He puts the book on the ground, and checking if no one sees him. He flips one page and an eye-glass is in it. He looks at the eye-glass and puts it down. He flips another page, and begins reading.
Brad (Reading) "It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon."
Brad flips through three pages.
Brad What is all this?
Brad stops at the page that says TRUST NO ONE! on it.
Brad (Reading) "Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before "he" finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust." (Talking to self) No one you can trust...
Mini appears on a log.
Mini Hello!
Brad Ah!
Mini What'cha reading? Some nerd thing?
Brad Uh, uh, it’s nothing!
Mini (Imitating Brad.) "Uh, uh, it’s nothing!" (Laughs) What? Are you actually not gonna show me?
The goat nibbles the edge of the journal.
Brad Uhhh, let's go somewhere private.
Cut to a view of The Mystery Shack. Weird noises are heard.
Brad It's amazing! Grunkle Dami said I was being paranoid…
Brad opens the book to a middle page and points in it.
Brad But according to this book, Gravity Falls has a secret dark side. (Brad shoves the book in Mini's face as she looks in it.)
Mini Whoa! Shut up! (Mini pushes Brad.)
Brad And get this! After a certain point, the pages just stop, like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!
Doorbell rings.
Brad Who's that?
Mini Well, time to spill the beans!
(Mini knocks over a can of beans she sees on a nearby table.)
Mini Broop. Beans! This girl's got a date! Woo-woo!
Mini falls off the edge of the chair she's sitting on and onto the seat, giggling.
Brad Let me get this straight: in the half hour I was gone, you already found a boyfriend?
Mini climbs up to the chair edge again.
Mini What can I say? I guess I'm just irresistible!
Doorbell rings twice.
Mini Oh! Coming!
Mini runs out of the room. Brad sits in the chair and reads his book. Dami walks in drinking a soda.
Dami What you reading there, Slick?
Brad Oh, um!
Brad stuffs the book under the seat cushion and grabs a magazine next to the beans.
Brad I was just catching up on,uh...
Brad flips to the cover.
Brad Gold Chains for Old Men Magazine?
Dami That's a good issue.
Brad pretends to read.
Mini Hey, family!
Grunkle Dami and Brad turn to see Mini standing in the doorway, her boyfriend facing the opposite direction.
Mini Say hello to my new boyfriend!
Mini's boyfriend turns around.
Norman 'Sup?
Brad Hey?
Dami How's it hanging?
Mini We met at the cemetery. He's really deep.
Mini feels Norman's muscles.
Mini Oh! Little muscle there. He, he wh-what a surprise.
Brad So, what's your name?
Mini He means Norman.
Brad Are you.. bleeding, Norman?
Norman looks around suspiciously.
Norman It's jam.
Mini gasps
Mini I love jam! Look at this.
Mini pushes Norman in the arm.
Norman So, you wanna go hold hands or... whatever?
Mini Oh, oh my goodness..he he.. Don't wait up!
Mini leaves the room. Norman smacks into the wall then turns around and staggers after Mini, you can later hear glass breaking.
Brad (Narrating) There was something about Norman that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal.
Cuts to the shack's attic where Brad is reading off of the book.
Brad Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for...teenagers! Beware Gravity Fall's nefarious...
Brad gasps and thunder is heard. Then Brad compares Norman to the picture of the undead in the book in his mind.
Norman (Imaginary) 'Sup.
Brad Zombie!
Brad's voice echoes as he yells "zombie". Cuts to Grunkle Dami in the bathroom.
Dami Somebody say "crombie"? What is it, crombie? It's not even a word. You're losing your mind.
Brad looks out the window, seeing Norman slowly walking towards Mini.
Mini I like you.
Brad Oh, no! Mini!
Cuts to Commercial Break.
Brad No, no, Mini! Watch out!
Norman continues to walk towards Mini, as he raises his hands. Brad gasps then screams. Norman puts a flower necklace around Mini’s neck.
Mini Huh, daisies? You scallywag...
Brad Is my sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?
Matt It's a dilemma, to be sure.
Matt randomly appears screwing in a light bulb, and Brad gasps.
Matt I couldn't help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room.
Brad Matt, you've seen Mini's boyfriend. He's gotta be a zombie, right?
Matt Hmm. How many brains did you see the guy eat?
Brad Zero.
Matt Look, dude, I believe you. I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude's a werewolf.
Cuts to the hairy mailman walking by Matt, who is eating his lunch outside. Matt slightly moves away from him.
Matt But you gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you’re a major league cuckoo clock.
Brad As always, Matt, you’re right.
Matt My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.
Dami (Off-screen) Matt! The portable toilets are clogged again!
Matt I am needed elsewhere.
Matt leaves the room backwards.
Brad (Narrating)  My sister could be in trouble. It was time to get some evidence. 
Montage sequence: Brad follows Mini and Norman around town with a video camera. Every scene, Norman does zombie like things, but Mini doesn't seem to notice.
Brad (Narrating) I’d seen enough.
Cuts to Mini and Brad's room. Brad enters.
Brad Mini! We’ve gotta talk about Norman!
Mini Isn’t he the best? Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!
Mini turns her cheek toward Brad, it is slightly pinker than usual. Brad screams.
Mini Ha, ha! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower!
Cut to Mini’s incident with the leaf blower.

She puts a picture of Norman on leaf blower.

Mini Kissing practice!
Mini leans in to "kiss" the picture. However, the leaf blower gets stuck on her mouth.
Mini Ah! Turn it off, turn it off!
Cut back to the present.
Mini That was fun.
Brad No! Mini, listen! I’m trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!
Mini gasps and claps a hand over her mouth.
Mini You think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!
Brad Guess again, sister. Sha-bam!  
Dipper holds up the page about gnomes
Brad Oh, wait. Uh, I’m sorry.

quickly flips to the page about the undead.

Brad Sha-bam!
Mini A zombie? That is not funny, Brad.
Brad I’m not joking! It all adds up! The bleeding, the limp. He never blinks! Have you noticed that?
Mini Maybe he’s blinking when you’re blinking.
Brad Mini, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls? (Whispers) Trust no one!
Mini Well, what about me, huh? Why can’t you trust me?
Mini puts on her gold star-shaped earrings
Mini Beep, bop!
Brad Mini! He’s gonna eat your brain!
Mini (Angrily) Brad, listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date at five o’clock, and I’m gonna be adorable, and he’s gonna be dreamy…
Brad Wait! B-b-b-but, but, but…
Mini …And I am not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy conspiracies!
Mini slams the door to their room.
Brad (Sighs and sits down) What am I gonna do?
Mini (Puts on her sweater as she races downstairs) Coming! Hey, Norman! How do I look?
Norman Shiny.
Mini You always know what to say!
She takes Norman's hand and they walk off together in the woods. Brad wearily watches them from the living room. He slouches in his chair.
Brad Matt was right. I don’t have any real evidence. I guess I can be kind of paranoid sometimes and—Wait, what?! (Screams) I was right! Oh my gosh! (He races outside) Grunkle Dami! Grunkle Dami! Grunkle Dami!
Dami And here we have “Rock That Looks Like A Face” rock; The rock that looks like a face.
Thin Tourist Does it look like a rock?
Dami No, it looks like a face.
Fat Tourist Is it a face?
Dami It’s a rock that looks like a face!
Brad Over here! Grunkle Dami!
Dami For the fifth time! It’s not an actual face!
Mini Finally, we’re alone.
Norman Yes. Alone…
Brad Dami! Dami! Emma! Emma! Emma! I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my sister from a zombie!
Emma Try not to hit any pedestrians!
Matt Dude, it’s me, Matt. This is for the zombies. (gives Brad a shovel)
Brad Thanks.
Matt (Holds up a baseball bat) And this is in case you see a piñata.
Brad (Takes the bat) Uh…Thanks?
Matt Better safe than sorry!
Norman Uh, Mini, now that we’ve gotten to know each other, there’s… there’s something I should tell you.
Mini Oh, Norman, you can tell me anything! (thinking) Please be a vampire, please be a vampire...
Norman All right, just…Just don’t freak out, okay? Just keep an open mind, be cool!
Mini watches in shock as Norman takes off his clothes, revealing himself to be five gnomes standing on top of each other. The gnome on top, Jeff, speaks.
Jeff Is this weird? Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?
Mini (Stares at the gnomes in total shock.)
Jeff Right, I’ll explain. So! We’re gnomes. First off. Get that one outta the way.
Mini Uh…
Jeff I’m Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason and…I’m sorry, I always forget your name.
Shmebulock Shmebulock.
Jeff (snaps his fingers) Shmebulock! Yes! Anyways, long story short, us gnomes have been lookin' for a new queen! Right, guys?
Gnomes Queen! Queen! Queen!
Jeff Heh! So what do you say? Will you join us in holy matri-gnome-y? Matri...matri-mo-ny! Blah! Can’t talk today!
Mini Look...I'm sorry, guys. You're really sweet, but...I'm a girl, and you're gnomes, and it's like, "what"? Yikes...
Jeff We understand. We'll never forget you, Mabel. Because we're gonna kidnap you.
Mini Huh?!
Jeff (yells and jumps at her)
Mini (screams)
Brad (Driving the Mystery Cart through the woods) Don't worry, Mini! I'll save you from that zombie!
Mini (off-screen) Help!
Brad Hold on!
Jeff The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody! Just...Ha, okay. Get her arm there, Steve!
Mini Let go of me! (Punches one gnome away and kicks another in the stomach. The second gnome gets up and vomits up a rainbow)
Brad What the heck is going on here?! (A gnome hisses at him and runs)
Mini Brad! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total jerks! (A gnome pulls her hair) Hair! Hair! Hair!
Brad Gnomes? Huh, I was way off. (Takes the journal out of his vest and reads the relevant page aloud) "Gnomes; little men of the Gravity Falls forest. Weaknesses, unknown."
When Brad lowers the book, he sees that the gnomes have managed to tie Mabel to the ground.
Mini Aw, come on!
Brad (Walks up to Jeff) Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!
Jeff Oh! Ha ha...Hey, there! Um, you know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in danger. She's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity! Isn't that right, honey?
Mini You guys are butt-faces! (Gnome covers her mouth before she can say anything else)
Dipper (Holds up the shovel he brought, pointing it at Jeff) Give her back right now, or else!
Jeff You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the--(Brad scoops Jeff up with the shovel and tosses him aside.) Aaah!
Brad uses the shovel to cut the ropes holding Mini. She breaks free of the gnomes and gets up, takes Dipper's hand and they both run to the Mystery Cart.
Jeff He's getting away with our queen! No, no, no!
Brad Seatbelt! (Brad and Mini get in the Mystery Cart and drive away)
Jeff You've messed with the wrong creatures, boy! Gnomes of the forest! Assemble!
Mini Hurry before they come after us!
Brad I wouldn't worry about it. See their little legs? Those suckers are tiny!
Mini Dang.
Jeff All right! Teamwork, guys! Like we practiced!
Mini Move, move!
Jeff Come back with our queen!
Mini It's getting closer!
Shmebulock jumps on Brad. Brad catches him and hits him several times on the wheel.
Shmebulock Shmebulock... AAAHH!
Mini I'll save you, Brad! (Repeatedly punches the gnome off of Brad's face and the gnome falls off with Brad's old hat)
Brad Thanks, Mini.
Mini Don't mention it. (The gnome monster throws a tree in front of them) Look out! (they crash the Mystery Cart in front of the Mystery Shack)
Brad Stay back, man! (Throws the shovel at the gnome monster, but it smashes it) [they both scream] Uh, where's Grunkle Dami?
Dami Behold! The world's most distracting object! Just try to look away! You can't! I can't even remember what I was talking about.
Jeff It's the end of the line, kids! Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!
Brad There's gotta be a way out of this!
Mini I gotta do it.
Brad What? Mini, don't do this! Are you crazy?
Mini Trust me.
Brad What?
Mini Brad, just this once! Trust me! All right, Jeff. I'll marry you.
Jeff Hot dog! Help me down there, Jason! Thanks, Andy! All right, left foot there we go. Watch those fingers, Mike. Eh? Eh? (Mabel allows Jeff to put the ring on her finger) Bada-bing, bada-bam! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey!
Mini You may now kiss the bride!
Jeff Well, don't mind if I do! (Mini turns leaf blower on) Hey, hey, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa! What's goin' on?! (leaf blower sucks up Jeff)
Mini That's for lying to me! (Mabel increases the sucking power) That's for breaking my heart!
Jeff Ow! My face!
Mini And this is for messing with my brother! Wanna do the honors? (Points the leafblower towords the gnome monster, the gnome monster utters a deep, gasp)
Brad On three!
Brad & Mini One, two, three! (Blasts Jeff twords the gnome monster)
Jeff (As he flies into the distance) I'll get you back for this!
Gnome 1 Who's giving orders? I need orders!
Gnome 2 My arms are tired.
Brad (While Mini moves the leaf blower back and forth) Anyone else want some? (the gnomes escape back into the forest on all 4's, one gets stuck in trash and strugles, a goat comes and picks up the trash with the gnome in it as he screams)
Mini Hey, Brad! I, um...I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You really were just looking out for me.
Brad Oh, don't be like that. You saved our butts back there!
Mini I guess I'm just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes.
Brad Look on the bright side. Maybe the next one will be a vampire!
Mini Oh, you're just saying that!
Brad Awkward sibling hug?
Mini Awkward sibling hug.
Brad & Mini Pat. Pat.
Dami Yeesh! You two get hit by a bus or something? Hah! (Mini and Brad ignore him) Uh, hey! W-Wouldn't you know it? I accidentally overstocked some inventory! So, how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, y'know?
Mini Really?
Brad What's the catch?
Dami The catch is do it before I change my mind. Now take something.
Brad (he picks the blue pine tree hat that he wears every episode) Hm. That ought to do the trick!
Mini And I will have a ... grappling hook! Yes!
Dami Wouldn't you rather have, like, a doll, or something?
Mini shoots the grappling hook into one of the ceiling’s supporter beams. She knocks down some boxes on the way up.
Mini Grappling hook!
Dami Fair enough! (hits cash register)
(Cut to Mini and Brad's bedroom. Brad is writing while Mini jumps on the bed)
Brad (Narrating) This journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust. But when you battle a hundred gnomes side-by-side with someone, you realize that they've pretty much always got your back.
Brad Hey, Mini. Could you get the light?
Mini I'm on it! (knocks light out window with grappling hook) It works! Ha ha, grappling hook.
Brad (Narrating) Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town. But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked.
(Cut to Mystery Shack exterior. Grunkle Dami walks in holding a lantern.)
(Cut to interior)(Dami enters a code into the vending machine and walks into the secret passage that is revealed. The machine closes and flickers out. Fade to credits.)
Gnome (In panel above credits)(Vomiting a four-colored rainbow onto the ground with his hand on a tree. Episode ends.)
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