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“I made lots of robuts in my day! Like when my wife left me and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron, or when my pal Ernie didn't come to my retirement party and I constructed an eighty ton SHAME BOT THAT EXPLODED THE ENTIRE DOWNTOWN AREA! -laughs- Well, time to get back to work on my death ray! Any of you kids got a screwdriver?” – Old Man McGucket ("The Legend of the Gobblewonker")
“Sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing... Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!!!” – Stan ("Headhunters")
“You can run, but I'll still be in your NIGHTMARES!” – Old Man McGucket ("Bottomless Pit!")
“Wood! My age-old enemy.” – Quentin Trembley ("Irrational Treasure")
“Hmm. How 'bout... that hole?” “We will leap through it!” – Mabel Pines and Quentin Trembley ("Irrational Treasure")
“Is that my third wife? Sandy?” – Quentin Trembley ("Irrational Treasure")
“Well, we didn't fit through the hole. Let's rebuild the box and try again!” “We gotta get out of here!” “Also good!” – Quentin Trembley and Dipper Pines ("Irrational Treasure)
“I ate a salamander and jumped out the window.” – Quentin Trembley ("Irrational Treasure")
“As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And- and go on a delightful vacation. Ow! N'yeees!” – ("Irrational Treasure")
“And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a JERK.” – ("Irrational Treasure")
“But who would you have replace me?” “Mama.” “That old crone?!” “Ba ba ba...” “Chief Justice Num-Num, y-you're spitting up on yourself! Now, ohh! Oh, come on! This is a courtroom! I... this... this is a dark day for America.” – Quentin Trembley and Chief Justice Num-Num ("Irrational Treasure")
We can't thank you enough... that's enough.” – Mrs. Northwest to Dipper Pines ("Northwest Mansion Noir")
“We have a reputation to uphold! Now get in the panic room. There's enough oxygen and mini-sandwiches to last me, you, and a butler a week. -whispers- We'll eat the butler.” – Preston Northwest ("Northwest Mansion Noir")
“I don't understand! What did I do that warrants this much arresting?!” – Stan Pines ("Not What He Seems")