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Transcript.PNG This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Ice Man." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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NOTE: Old Man McGucket is the only one actually present at all times. All other speakers speak only on the TV, and are part of clips from previous episodes. When another character is talking or appears, assume that the focus has cut from McGucket to the screen, and when McGucket is talking, unless specified otherwise, assume that the focus is back on him.

Open with bulletin board. McGucket comes up.
McGucket (As he speaks a picture of the wheel and clip of the corresponding people (Dipper, Gideon and himself) appear) Ok, I know who the pine tree is. And the star. And the glasses, well, that's obviously me and my beautiful, blue eyes.
Dipper Pines I'm not so sure about that.
McGucket (As he speaks the highlighted ice bag symbol on the wheel appears followed by Dipper holding a bag of ice) But I can’t figure out that ice bag. (As he suggests each person a clip of them appears) Maybe it's Will E. Badger, since he's so cool.
Will E. Badger Who wants to get baaaadgeeeered?
McGucket Maybe it's that wax head. He's gotta stay cool! (Cut to McGucket, who's rubbing his beard) Or Maybe it's that future guy. (Cut to various clips of Blendin Blandin) What's his name? Blendo? Blar Blar?
Mabel Pines There it is!
McGucket What?! My TV's talking to me again! (He starts to shudder and a clicking sound is made as he does so) Now I got the chills. Rrrrr...