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We open to a shot of the Mystery Shack. Dipper is sitting on the couch watching television, while Waddles and him are eating a bowl of cereal.
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Stan walks over with a pan in his hand.
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| Stan
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Who wants Stancakes? They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in 'em.
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| Dipper
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Pass.
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Mabel bursts through the door giddily, with a newspaper in hand.
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| Mabel
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It's here! (runs around, and screams). Aaah! Oh, it's here! It's here, it's here! I've been waiting all morning and it's finally here! The Gravity Falls Gossiper accepted my article about summer fashion tips for squirrels. My picture is gonna be in the newspaper! Check it! (shows everyone a view of the newspaper.)
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| Stan
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Pacifica Northwest declares v-neck the look of the season! What am I looking at here?
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| Mabel
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Woah, woah, what?! (looks at the newspaper.)
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The newspaper reads "GREATEST THING OF THE SUMMER!", and shows a portrait of Pacifica Northwest, with the caption "PACIFICA NORTHWEST".
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| Dipper
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(reading from the newspaper) Looks like someone bought their way to the front page.
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| Stan
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(reading from the newspaper) Is it legal for a child to wear that much make-up?
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| Mabel
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(groans) Ugh, Pacifica! She always ruins everything!
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| Dipper
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Aw, cheer up Mabel! I mean, no one even reads newspapers anymore.
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Soos walks in.
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| Soos
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Dudes! V-neck season is upon us! Who wants to help me get ahead of the fashion curve? I'm taking it one step further. (holds up a pair of scissors and a marker.) With a w-neck. (draws a construction line for a w, and cuts along the lines.) Must..follow..newspaper.
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Mabel glumly runs over to the nearby table, and furiously pours herself a glass of orange juice, which she gulps down.
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| Mabel
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Aack! I need something to get my mind off this.
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(We cut to the television).
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| Voiceover
|
Looking for a distraction from your horrible life?
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| Mabel
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Why yes!
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| Voiceover
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Victory, honor, destiny, mutton! These old-timey sounding words are alive and well at the Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt! *No mutton available at the snack shop**
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| Dipper
|
Hey, Mabel! You love mini-golf! (pulls out a scrapbook with a picture of Mabel winning a trophy at a minor-league gold competition with the caption "AGE 9") She's been amazing at it since we were kids! What do you say, Mabel? We've had a stressful couple of days. How about we take a break, huh?
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| Stan
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Would kicking all our butts at mini-golf cheer you up?
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| Mabel
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Maybe a little.
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| Dipper
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Come on, Mabel! Victory!
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| Mabel
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Honor!
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| Stan
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Destiny!
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| We cut to Soos.
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| Soos
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Mutton! (Soos' w-neck flaps down)
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| Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Soos walk out towards the front door.
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| All (cheering)
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Victory, honor, destiny, mutton! (They all walk forward a bit) Victory, honor, destiny, mutton!
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| Soos
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And the pig can look after the house!
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The door shuts, and we cut to Waddles on the couch.
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| Waddles
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(Oinks)
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We cut to the Gravity Falls Theme Song
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We open to a shot of the Ye Royal Discount Putt Hutt
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Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Soos walk through.
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| Soos
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Woohoo!
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| Mabel
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Woah!
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| Dipper
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Wow!
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| Stan
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Woah!
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We see a few people walking around the course, and we cut to Dipper and Mabel.
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| Mabel
|
Ahh, mini-golf! The sport of mini champions!
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| Dipper
|
The grass is fake, but the fun is real! There's something here for everyone!
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We cut to Robbie spray-painting "Weiners" on a wall.
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| Robbie
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(laughs)
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| King of Mini-golf
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Hey, you! Stop!
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Robbie runs away screaming.
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| King of Mini-golf
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Come back here! (He powers on his golf cart, and attempts to chase Robbie.) Hey, those are lewd gestures!
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We cut back to Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Soos.
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| Dipper
|
Focus! Focus!.. And, eh... (he hits a golf ball with his club, which rolls into the nearby pond instead.)
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| Mabel
|
Don't worry, bro! You're still, (slaps a sticker on his cheek.) Eh! Ext-roar-dinary!
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| Dipper
|
I'll take what I can get.
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Dipper walks off, and we focus on Mabel.
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| Mabel
|
Do the hip wiggle, and eh! (she hits a golf ball with her club which touches Old Man McGucket's nose and scores a hole.)
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| Old Man McGucket
|
Wha? How'd I get here?
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|
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We cut back to Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Soos.
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| Mabel
|
Yes!
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| Stan
|
Holy smokes! Someone in our family actually has talent!
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| Dipper
|
Grunkle Stan, you ain't seen nothing yet!
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Mabel continues scoring holes, and a song plays throughout in a musical montage.
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| Stan gives Mabel a thumbs up.
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| Voiceover
|
She's so good, yeah! Look at her hit that ball! She's got lot of skills! Take that ball into that hole!
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We see a shot of a flag reading "18".
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| A crowd forms around Dipper, Stan, and Soos.
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| Dipper
|
Guys, this is amazing! If Mabel gets a hole in one here, she'll beat her all-time high score!
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| We cut to Mabel, who looks very determined.
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| Mabel (in her head)
|
You can do it, Mabel! Pretend the ball is Pacifica's face!
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We cut to a shot of the lake, and back to Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Soos.
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| Mabel
|
Eh! (She hits the golf ball with her club, and she nearly scores a hole, but misses and rolls into a puddle.)
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| Mabel
|
Aw, nuts! (she throws down her club)
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| Dipper
|
(frowns)
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| Crowd
|
Aw, man! Well that didn't work! Oh yes, she's all done playing!
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| Stan
|
Ah, don't worry about it kid! The thing's random!
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| Soos
|
Yeah, besides the Bermuda triangle, how mini-golf works is our world's greatest mystery.
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| Stan
|
As far as I'm concerned, you're still better than anyone else I know in Gravity...
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|
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Stan is about to slap a sticker on Mabel's face, but we see Pacifica scoring a hole in the exact place where Mabel missed.
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| All
|
(gasps) Woah!
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| '"We cut to a shot of Pacifica, Preston, and Mrs. Northwest.
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| Pacifica
|
Oh, would you look at that? I didn't know it was hobos golf free day!
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|
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We cut back to Mabel.
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| Mabel
|
Pacifica!
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Pacifica walks forward.
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| Pacifica
|
Well, if it isn't the Pines family! Fat, (points at Soos) old, (points at Stan), lame, (points at Dipper), braces! (points at Mabel)
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| Stan (whispers to Soos)
|
Soos, would it be wrong to punch a child?
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| Dipper
|
I got this! Hey, Pacifica! How's that whole "your family's a fraud" thing working out for you?
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'"We cut back to Pacifica.
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| Pacifica
|
Great, actually! That's the thing about money! It makes problems go away!
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'"We cut back to Mabel.
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| Mabel
|
Well it can't buy you skill! You walked into the game of a mini-golf champion!
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|
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'"We cut back to Pacifica.
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| Pacifica
|
Ha! (snaps her fingers) Sergei! (Sergei walks forward.) This is Sergei, my trainer!
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| Sergei
|
The sportylmpics had mini-golf once. I took gold! (he reveals the gold medal on his chest.)
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| Pacifica
|
So if you don't mind moving out of the way of the professionals! Hmpf... (she walks over) Hmm..hmm. (she strikes a golf ball with her club, which scores a bonus hole and causes an explosion.)
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|
Mabel looks in awe at Pacifica, who glares at her.
|
| Preston Northwest is reading from a magazine titled Aficionado Aficionado Magazine.
|
| Preston
|
Now remember Pacifica, winning is everything!
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| Mrs. Northwest
|
Oh, oh! And also looks! Winning and looks... (brushes her hair and looks at her self in the mirror.)
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| Pacifica
|
Dad! I've been practicing for like a million hours, okay? I've got this! You'll stay to watch, right?
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| Preston
|
Pacifica darling, we've got a party to go to. We'll just read about your victory in the paper. (holds up a newspaper)
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|
Pacifica runs out of her limo.
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| Pacifica
|
(Snaps her fingers) Sergei!
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Sergei springs forward and does a cartwheel.
|
| Sergei
|
Ho, hee, ho!
|
| Preston
|
Oh, and whatever happens just remember one thing! You're a Northwest, don't lose.. (dramatic music plays)
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