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Transcript.PNG This is a transcribed copy for the episode "TV Shorts 2." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "TV Shorts 1" Next: "Mabel's Scrapbook: Heist Movie"
Opens with Stan sitting in front of the TV.
Stan Gravity Falls Public Access TV. Beats just starin' at a blank wall! (Pause) Barely.
Stan turns on the TV. Channel 3 is on, which is playing "Why You Ackin' So Cray-Cray?".
Announcer And now back to "Why You Ackin' So Cray-Cray?."
Cuts to the set of "Why You Ackin' So Cray-Cray?." A woman with a bride dress and a veil eats a whole chicken insanely fast. Sassica enters the set and walks to the girl.
Sassica You ackin' Cray-Cray! 
The crowd cheers and claps. Sassica keeps walking on the set, meeting a women who carved "LOVE ME" on a tree with her chain saw.
Sassica You ackin' Cray-Cray!
The crowd cheers and claps again. Sassica keeps walking in the set meeting Lazy Susan sitting on a sofa with her six kittens.
Sassica Aww, girl... Girl, you know what I'm about to say!
Crowd SAY IT!
Sassica (Turns to the crowd and screams in anger) I'm not yo' puppet!
Static. Stan changes the channel to channel 4. The logo of the show "Teenz Talk" with Sheriff Blubs underneath it appears. Background music starts in the background. Cuts to Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland in a basketball auditorium, dressed as Craig and Rick, high school pupils. Sheriff Blubs has a basketball in his hands.
Sheriff Blubs (As Craig) Here we are, two good friends at a high school basketball game (text appears on the screen saying "Not Policeman"). Hey, Rick! (throws his basketball to Deputy Durland)
Deputy Durland (As Rick, catches the basketball) Hey, Craig!
Sheriff Blubs (As Craig, waves his hand as saying hello) Hey, Tom-Tom!
Shows Sheriff Blubs, dressed differently, now as Tom-Tom.
Sheriff Blubs (As Tom-Tom) Hello, Craig!
Sheriff Blubs (As Craig) Hey, Stacy!
Deputy Durland enters the scene on a purple kids' jeep, dressed as a girl in high school—Stacy.
Deputy Durland (As Stacy) Hey, Craig. (stops driving the jeep and exits the jeep) Who wants to go drink expired apple juice and then, kiss each other?
Deputy Durland as Rick drops the basketball in surprise. The picture freezes and a text saying "PEER PRESSURE EMERGENCY!!!" appears and flashes on the screen.
Announcer Peer pressure emergency!
Sheriff Blubs as himself (with policeman uniform on) enters the screen.
Sheriff Blubs Freeze! You can avoid trouble if you say these simple words: 
Sheriff Blubs (As Craig) Uh-uh, no no, Bibbity-Bop Ka-Zow! I can't be pressured, no way, no how! (same text appears on the screen as he speaks)
Deputy Durland as Rick and Sheriff Blubs as Tom-Tom claps.
Deputy Durland (As Stacy) Oh, now I understand. Thank you for saving me, from myself! (Sheriff Blubs as Tom-Tom and Deputy Durland as Stacy hug) Aww, Oh...
Sheriff Blubs Aww, Oh...
Deputy Durland (As himself, but still dressed as Stacy) Blubs, look! Our uniforms!
Lee and Nate are shown wearing and stealing the cops' uniforms, laughing and running to Wendy in the police car they stole.
Wendy Hey there, looking good, sheriff! Wohoo! (a sound of the police car drives away)
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland dressed as Tom-Tom and Stacy but as themselves are shown.
Sheriff Blubs Let's Roll!
They both enter the jeep and starts to slowly drive, a car horn sound is played. Static. Stan changes the channel to channel 6. The "Duck-tective" show logo appears with London's view behind.
Announcer Duck-tective!
Duck-tective is shown in his room, "reads" a book, and spills his cup of coffee.
Constable (Enters the room) Duck-tective, it turns out your old partner is alive!
Duck-tective (Makes a quack, subtitled—GASP!)
A penguin enters the room, close-up on his face.
Steve (Quacks, subtitled—Hello Ducktective)
Close-up on Duck-tective.
Duck-tective (Quacks, subtitled—Steve!)
Cuts to a running thief who has stole a purse. Duck-tective runs after him.
Duck-tective (Makes a quack, subtitled—STOP THIEF!)
Steve pukes a full wet fish on the ground, the thief slips on it and falls down to the ground. Duck-tective and Constable enter the scene.
Duck-tective (Makes a quack, subtitled—No harm...)
Steve (Makes a quack, subtitled—No "fowl")
Duck-tective and Steve give a high-five to each other.
Constable I thought you always hated those jokes.
Duck-tective (Makes a quack, subtitled -We can make those jokes)
Close-up on Constable face, he's disappointed and sad. Fades to a scene where Steve, Constable and Duck-tective are standing in front of a lake. Two feet stick out of the lake.
Constable Well, the evidence didn't just fly off, not that you know anything about flying, would you, Steve?
Steve is offended, cries and swims through the lake.
Steve (Makes a quack, subtitled—sobbing)
Duck-tective (Makes a quack, subtitled—What have you done?!)
Duck-tective enters the lake and starts swimming.
Constable Duck-tective, no! Come back!
Close-up on Duck-tective's face.
Duck-tective (Makes a quack, subtitled—Just call me "Duck" now)
Duck-tective grabs his detective hat with his beak and throws it to the water, then he swims towards the other side of the lake. Constable is very sad. He stops being sad and throws few breadcrumbs into the lake. Duck-tective comes swimming, quacks and eats the breadcrumbs. Stan turns off the TV.
Stan Yeesh... That's enough of that. Stupid duck.

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