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Static
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| Mabel
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(Squish) (Squish) (Squish)
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| Dipper
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Hello, I'm Dipper Pines. The girl trying to crush my head is Mabel.
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| Mabel
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I'm helping!
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| Dipper
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Today on Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained-
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| Mabel
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(Squish)
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| Dipper
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Okay, that-that's enough. Today we investigate Anomaly #23, Grunkle Stan's secret tattoo. (Looks at bullietin board with pictures of Stan's tattoo) What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger? Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out.
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| Mabel
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Right after another exciting episode of...What's Under Mabel's Bandage? (Starts to peel bandage off, singing:) Doo doo...
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| Dipper
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Ew, Mabel!
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Static
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| Dipper
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Okay, here's the plan. Stan never takes off his undershirt, (Gets closer to the camera) obviously to hide his tattoo. (Goes back) But me and Soos are about to "turn up the heat" on this mystery. (Raises the temperature on the thermostat)
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| Soos
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Ha ha! Literally! (Whispering) I love how you come up with stuff like that.
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Static
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| Soos
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(Walks up to Stan) Whoo, hot in here today, huh, Mr Pines? Probably be a lot cooler if we... (Takes off his shirt) worked without our shirts on! Am I right?
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| Stan
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Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.
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| Soos
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Aw, don't be shy, Mr. Pines. (Grunts and lies on the table) Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of.
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| Stan
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Watch the shop for a minute, Soos. I need to go find a melon-baller and pull my eyeballs out. (Leaves)
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| Soos
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(Pokes his stomach and sings) Do, do do do do do. Do, do do do do.. hey! Da, da da da da-
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Static
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| Dipper
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Okay, Plan B. (To Stan:) Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you.(Reaches for Stan's tattoo)
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| Stan
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(Smacks Dipper's hand away) Kid, if you're trying to see my tattoo, you're going to have to try harder than that.
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| Dipper
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A-ha! I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo.
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| Stan
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I don't. But you do. (Reaches for Dipper with a marker)
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| Dipper
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What do you mean I- AAAHH!
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Static, cut to Dipper with the word "Goober" written on his forehead
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| Dipper
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Okay, Plan C. Stan is in the shower. I wish it hadn't come to this, but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science.
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| Mabel
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I believe in you, Goober!
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| Dipper
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Dipper. Just say Dipper. (Takes the camera, walks into the bathroom, unveils the curtain to reveal Stan fully dressed)
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| Stan
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You're never gonna see it, kid. Never. Gonna. See it.
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| Dipper
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How long have you been standing there?
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| Stan
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Give me that camera! (grabs for camera)
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Static
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| Dipper
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So I just figured I'd just chill out on the roof for a while...
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| Stan
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(From inside) I'm gonna find you, kid!
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Crows fly from the woods.
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| Dipper
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Well, that's it for this episode. Stan's tattoo remains in mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered.
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Static, cut to Soos poking his stomach and singing.
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| Soos
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Do, do do do do do. Do, do do do do-
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Static
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