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Transcript.PNG This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Stan's Tattoo." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Candy Monster" Next: "Mailbox"
Mabel (Pretends to squish Dipper's head, making sloshing noises)
Dipper Hello, I'm Dipper Pines. The girl trying to crush my head is Mabel.
Mabel (Waves to the camera from behind it) I'm helping! 
Dipper Today on "Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained—"
Mabel ("Squishes" his head again)
Dipper Okay, that—that's enough. Today we investigate Anomaly #23, Grunkle Stan's secret tattoo. (Looks at bulletin board with pictures of Stan's tattoo) What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger? Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out.
Mabel  Right after another exciting episode of... What's Under Mabel's Bandage? (Starts to peel Band-Aid off, singing) Doo doo...
Dipper Ew, Mabel!
Dipper Okay, here's the plan. Stan never takes off his undershirt - (gets closer to the camera) obviously to hide his tattoo. (Goes back) But me and Soos are about to "turn up the heat" on this mystery. (Raises the temperature on the thermostat)
Soos Ha ha! Literally! (Whispering) I love how you come up with stuff like that.
Soos (Walks up to Stan) Whoo, hot in here today, huh, Mr. Pines? Probably be a lot cooler if we... (Takes off his shirt) worked without our shirts on! Am I right?
Stan  Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.
Soos Aw, don't be shy, Mr. Pines. (Grunts and lies on the table) Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of.
Stan Watch the shop for a minute, Soos. I need to go find a melon-baller and pull my eyeballs out. (Leaves)

(Plays with his stomach and sings) Doot, doot-doot-doot-doot, doot. Doot, doot-doot-doot-doot, hey! Dat, dat-dat-dat-dat...

Dipper Okay, Plan B. (To Stan) Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you. (Reaches for Stan's tattoo)
Stan (Smacks Dipper's hand away) Kid, if you're trying to see my tattoo, you're going to have to try harder than that.
Dipper A-ha! I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!
Stan I don't, but you do. (Reaches for Dipper with a marker)
Dipper What do you mean I— AAAH!
Static, cuts to Dipper with the word "Goober" written on his forehead
Dipper Okay, Plan C. Stan is in the shower. I wish it hadn't come to this, but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science.
Mabel I believe in you, Goober!
Dipper Dipper. Just say Dipper. (Takes the camera, walks into the bathroom towards the running shower, unveils the curtain to reveal Stan fully dressed, water running down his face)
Stan You're never gonna see it, kid. Never. Gonna. See it.
Dipper How long have you been standing there?
Stan Give me that camera! (Reaches for camera)
Dipper AH!
Dipper So I just figured I'd just chill out on the roof for a while...
Stan (Off-screen) I'M GONNA FIND YOU, KID!
Crows fly from the woods.
Dipper Well, that's it for this episode. Stan's tattoo remains a mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered.
Static, cut to Soos poking his stomach and singing.
Soos Doot, doot-doot-doot-doot, doot. Doot, doot-doot-doot-doot...
Static. A part of the hidden page is shown.

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