Society of the Blind Eye/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Society of the Blind Eye." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Little Gift Shop of Horrors"

Next: "Blendin's Game"

	Open to a shot of Greasy's Diner. Lazy Susan is locking up the diner for the night..
Lazy Susan	(hums while sweeping a broom across the floor) Ta dum, locking up. (peers at possums scurrying around in the dishes, pokes the possums with her broom) Shoo, possums, shoo! (She walks near a table) Git, McGucket, git! (pokes him with a broom, making him run out from underneath the table on all fours, panting, and mumbling incoherently.) Ta dum, ta dum... (locks the door) Good night, diner. Good night, trees. (She passes by the gnomes standing on top of each other, attempting to steal a pie.) Good night, tiny men stealing my pie. Wait, WHAT?! (Lifts her eyelid)
Jeff	Lift with your knees. No, your knees. If I go one more hour without eating, I'm gonna resort to cannibalism. (notices Lazy Susan, and tips his hat.) Ma'am.
Lazy Susan	(Shrieks) Little magic men! What does it mean? What do I do? (bumps into a payphone and dials 911) Yes, hi. I's like to report something. I'm at Greasy's Diner. You won't believe what I've witnessed. (Cut to two figures sneaking up behind her, from a patch of nearby bushes) It's unbelievable! It's indescribable! It's- AAAAAAAH!! (The figures sneak up behind her and kidnap her, dragging her away.)
Blind Ivan	It is unseen. (The Blind Eye symbol is graffited on the wall)
Jeff	Welp, back to pie. (The gnomes grab the pie and run off. A gnome accidentally drops a slice.) I was this close to eating you, Steve.
	Cut to theme song. Cut to Dipper and Mabel's bedroom. Dipper is examining a poster board on his wall entitled "Who is The Author?
Dipper Pines	Alright author, who are you? Who are you?... (chews on a pen, which accidentally breaks) Blech! Not again. (tosses it into a bin full of broken pens.)
Mabel Pines	(runs in with a bottle) Hey, bro-bro. Look what I got!
Dipper	(sarcastically) Yay, a filthy green bottle!
Mabel	It's a bottle message from Mermando, remember? He was part fish, part shirtless guy. (gasps) What if he wants to get back together?
Dipper	I wouldn't get your hopes up, Mabel.
Mabel	Too late! Hopes are way way up! (squeals excitedly, opens bottle cap and reads letter) "Dear Mabel..." So far so good! "It is with a heavy heart..." So far so good! "...that I must inform you, I'm getting married"?!
Dipper	And there it is.
Mabel	(reading) "In order to prevent an undersea civil war... arranged wedding... Queen of the Manatees?!" (looking at picture) And she's so beautiful! (sighs) This can't be happening!
Dipper	Oh, Mabel. You'll get over him eventually.
Mabel	You don't understand, Dipper. (Pulls out her scrapbook.) On my first day here, I made this page for summer romances. Look at my luck. (Points to picture of Norman) Turned out to be gnomes, (Points to picture of Gideon) child psycho, (Points to a picture of Gabe Bensen) made out with his own hands. And now... (writes "FAILED" at the top of the page) I wish I could just forget about them forever.
Dipper	Hey, if it's any consolation, my summer mission isn't a huge success either. I'm still trying to find the author of this journal, but with this laptop smashed, I've lost any lead in finding him.
Mabel	(Looks at the laptop) Wait a minute. Dipper, look!
Dipper	Through your bottle?
Mabel	Just do it.
Dipper	(Peers through the bottle, and notices a logo entitled "McGucket Labs" magnified on the back of the laptop) "McGucket Labs." Wait, Old Man McGucket?
Mabel	You don't think?...
Dipper	Couldn't be... Doesn't make any sense, unless... (He starts connecting pictures and tying strings to the author) This matches with this... This goes over here... And then the name... So that would mean... Old Man McGucket wrote the journals?!
	Cut to Mystery Shack Gift Shop.
Boombox	Am I blanchin', Girl we blanchin', I live up in a mansion Am I blanchin', Girl we blanchin I live up in a mansion
Soos Ramirez	(sings along, while sweeping broom across floor) Am I blanchin', Girl we blanchin', I live up in a mansion
Wendy Corduroy	Ugh! I can't get that terrible song out of my head.
Soos	Oh, you mean "Straight Blanchin'" by 'Lil Big Dawg? It's the catchiest song of the summer.
Wendy	What is "blanchin"? Rappers can't just make up words!
Soos	Rappers are visionaries, Wendy. If they told me to eat my own pants, I would do it.
Boombox	Eat your own pants. Eat your own pants, yeah!
Soos	I guess I have no choice. (unzips pants, and hums) Doot, do-do!
Dipper and Mabel	(run inside)
Dipper	Wendy, Soos, we need to go see Old Man McGucket!
Mabel	We'll explain on the way! (everyone runs outside)
Stan Pines	Hey, what about work? Kids! (pauses) Why is Soos eating his own pants?
	Cut to the junkyard. The group is searching for McGucket.
Dipper	Old Man McGucket, are you here?
Soos	Here hillbilly-billy-billy-billy.
Nate	(standing in front of graffiti that says "McSuckIt", laughing) That's good.
Lee	Took an hour to think of this, but it was worth it. Ha! (They run away)
Old Man McGucket	Get outta here, you salt lickin', hornswagglin!... McSuckit, they got me good. (Sees the group.) Visitors! Come, come. (He leads them inside.) Pull up some rusty metal. You're just in time for my hourly turf war with the hillbilly what lives in my mirror. (He yells at his reflection in a bathtub.) Quit starin' at me when I bathe!
Dipper	You can drop the act, McGucket. I know you're the author. You studied the mysteries of this town and wrote this book. (holds up Journal 3)
Wendy	Dude, you're the genius Dipper's been searching for all summer!
McGucket	Uh, genius? I'm no genius. I've never done nothin' worthwhile in my life. Everyone knows I'm no good to nobody. I can't remember what I used to be, but I must've been a big failure to end up like this.
Soos	But the laptop has your name on it.
Dipper	What about this book? Are you sure you didn't write it? Here, look closely. (He flips through the journal.)
McGucket	I told you, I don't recall. Everything before 1982 is just a blur. Just a hazy... (The journal flips forward to an image of the Blind Eye, the symbol of the society appear in his irises. He shrieks) The Blind Eye! Robes, the men, my mind! They did something!
Dipper	Who did?
McGucket	I... oh, I don't recall.
Mabel	Oh, you poor old man! No wonder your mind's all.. (blows raspberry) You've been through something intense.
Dipper	What if McGucket learned something he wasn't supposed to know, and someone, or something, messed with his mind? We've got to get to the bottom of this.
Wendy	Think, dude. What is the earliest thing you can remember?
McGucket	Uh, this is, I think. (He pulls down a newspaper article.)
Wendy	The history museum!
Dipper	That's where we're going.
	Cut to the group in a car. "Straight Blanchin" is playing.
Wendy	Ugh, Soos! (Takes out the CD and tosses it out of the car window, pauses) I'll buy you a new one.
	Cut to the History Museum. Everyone enters through the windows.
Soos	Hello? Anyone here?
Dipper	All right, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious.
Mabel	(sighs)
Wendy	Mabel, are you okay? You just walked by a cat without petting it.
Mabel	Oh Wendy, everything I look at reminds me of failed romances. That formaldehyde heart. That romantic diorama. Even this poster of my most recent ex-crush. (She pulls down a poster of Gabe, revealing a poster of Sev'ral Timez.) Aw, come on!
Dipper	(To McGucket:) So your last memory was here. Anything coming back?
Soos	Guys, look! (Down the hall, a shadowy figure runs away.)
Dipper	Hey, who's there? (They run into a room filled with depictions of eyes.)
McGucket	Well kettle my corn. He vanish-ified.
Dipper	It doesn't make sense. Where did he go?
McGucket	I feel like all these eyeballs are a-watchin' me.
Dipper	Wait... they are! Move aside.
McGucket	(Moves aside, revealing a central eye)
Dipper	(Pushes it and a staircase forms behind the fireplace) A secret passageway.
McGucket	We'll have to be stealthy. I'll hambone a message if there's trouble. (Slaps his arms and legs. Translation:) Coyotes are coming for our sweetbreads.
Dipper	I have no idea what that means.
Everyone	(Goes down the staircase)
Society of the Blind Eye	(chanting:) "Novus ordo seclorum"
Blind Ivan	Who is the subject of our meeting?
Society member	(Lazy Susan is pulled out, blindfolded.) This woman.
Mabel	Lazy Susan?
Blind Ivan	What is it you have seen?
All members	Speak!
Lazy Susan	Uh, well, uh, I was leaving the diner, and I saw these little bearded doodads, and I was, like, "Bwaaa?"
Blind Ivan	There, there. (Pulls ray gun out of the box. The members pull down their hoods.) You won't be like "Bwaaa?" for much longer.
Lazy Susan	What is that gizmo? It looks like a hair dryer. Are you guys barbers? (The Lead Member zaps her with the gun.) AAAAAH!
Blind Ivan	Lazy Susan, what do you know of little bearded men?
Lazy Susan	My mind is cleared, thanks to the Society of the Blind Eye.
Society	It is unseen!
Dipper	Oh my gosh. They erased Lazy Susan's memory.
McGucket	(hamboning:) Oh, *&#*%!
Dipper	Guys, are you seeing this? They just wiped Lazy Susan's memory!
Soos	They should've wiped off that awful mascara. (Chuckles)
Mabel	I think she looks beautiful, Soos!
Wendy	She's doing the best she can, Soos!
Soos	Whoa! Touched a nerve there.
Blind Ivan	Lazy Susan, how do you feel?
Lazy Susan	(Being led away) I feel great! I can't even remember what was wrong, or what I'm doing here, or if I'm a man or a woman!
Blind Ivan	Your memories will be safe with us, buried in the Hall of the Forgotten. (Removes a tube from the memory erasing gun, and writes on it:) (Lazy) Susan Wentworth
Society	(chanting:) Into the Hall of the Forgotten. Into the Hall of the Forgotten. (talking and dispersing) Good chanting, boys. Have you been practicing?
Blind Ivan	Meeting adjourned.
Society member 1	Unsee you later.
Society member 2	Unsee you later!
Dipper	Amazing. A secret society of evil mind erasers. I'll bet they erased your memory a long time ago. If we could find where your memories have been hidden, it could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries of Gravity Falls. All right, Mabel, Wendy, you two stay here and make sure those robe guys don't come back.
Wendy	Whoo! Girl's club.
Dipper	Soos, you, me, and McGucket are gonna go find the Hall of the Forgotten.
	Soos' hat is sucked into pipe
Dipper	Follow that hat!
Society member	Halt! Is someone there?
McGucket	Aah! What do we do? Where do we go?
	Cut to them disguised as a diorama.
Society member	Man, these are really poorly made. I could've sworn I heard someone.
Society member 2	Probably just the janitor kissing that wax settler woman again.
Society member	Whoof! Remind me to erase that from my memory. (They leave)
Dipper	Whew! (Sees the hat) There it is. Hurry!
McGucket	Honey fogelin', saltlickin' skullduggery.
Soos	Man, you have got to teach me some of those old-man swear words.
	Cut to Mabel and Wendy in the main chamber
Mabel	(sighs) I just don't get it, Wendy. I hug a lot, I can burp the alphabet, I have scratch and sniff clothing. Why does every boy leave me?
Wendy	Pfft, who cares? Boys are the worst. You shouldn't get hung up, man.
Mabel	Maybe I come on too strong, you know?
Wendy	Well, what's your opener? Pretend I'm a boy. (She puts up her hair, giving herself a mustache.) Mmm, testosterone. (spits)
Mabel	(loudly) HI! I'M MABEL! I'M TWELVE AND I OWN A PIG! WANT TO GET MARRIED?!
Wendy	(laughs) Honestly, that was perfect. You should just forget about guys, man.
Mabel	Wendy, that's it. Forget about guys! (She picks up the memory gun) I just need to type "summer romances" into this thing, and I won't feel bad about them anymore.
Wendy	Whoa, hold up, Mabel. We don't even know what that thing does. You could accidentally erase, like, learning to read, or breathe, or...
Mabel	Or one of those terrible summer songs you can't get out of your head?
	Cut to the boys in the Hall of the Forgotten. Memory tubes are stacked to the ceiling.
Soos	Whoa, look at all these tubes.
Soos	People must've been getting their memories erased all over town.
Dipper	Whoa, look at this. (Inserts a tube titled "Robbie V. Memories" into a viewing machine)
Blind Ivan	(off screen) Yes, Robbie, what is it that you have seen?
Robbie Valentino	(on screen) So I was attacked by this magic kung fu guy that was throwing, like, balls of fire at me. I kicked his butt though.
Blind Ivan	Robbie, speak honestly.
Robbie	I was saved by a 12-year-old.
Dipper	Why are they erasing peoples' memories? I still don't get it.
McGucket	Looky, fellers. (He points to a tube labelled "McGucket Memories") It's those words what people call me.
Soos	Oh, dude, your memories. We did it!
McGucket	Grabby, grabby. (He takes the tube, which sets off an alarm.) I got it!
	Cut back to Wendy and Mabel
Wendy	I don't know, Mabel. Are you really sure this is a good idea?
Mabel	All ideas are good ideas! (Alarm goes off.)
Wendy	Do you hear that?
	Cut to the males
McGucket	The alarm in my brain is a-ringin' again. Ah!
Society member	Halt! Who's there?
Dipper	Oh no!
Soos	Run!
Society member	Get back here! (Chases Dipper and Soos. McGucket hides.)
McGucket	Oh, you've really tarred it up now, Fiddleford. This is all your fault. (Pause) Why does my beard have a bandage? Does that even make sense? Why has no one pointed that out?
Dipper	Okay, I think we're safe. (Hands reach out from the shadows and cover Dipper and Soos's eyes.)
Soos	We playing "Guess Who"? Dude, I know it's you, Dipper. Such big... strong hands.... (Everyone, including Mabel and Wendy, is tied to a pole)
Blind Ivan	You shouldn't have come here. We do not give up our secrets lightly.
Wendy	Who are you bathrobe-wearing freaks?
Dipper	Why are you doing this?
Mabel	What's with your creepy British accent?
Blind Ivan	Well, I suppose we are going to erase your minds anyway. (One by one, the Society members unmask)
Mabel	Toby Determined?
Dipper	Bud Gleeful?
Wendy	That farmer guy?
Soos	Creepy dude who married a woodpecker? You too? How's that marriage goin, by the way?
Woodpecker guy	Oh, great, great. (whispering:) Not great.
Blind Ivan	And you've never met me before. And if you had, you wouldn't remember. (He removes his hood, revealing a bald tattooed head and a red scar through one eye) I am Blind Ivan, and we are the Society of the Blind Eye. Formed many years ago by our founder... our founder... Does anyone remember who he was?
Bud Gleeful	We've been usin' that ray on our own brains an awful lot.
Dipper	Why would you do all this? What do you have to gain?
Blind Ivan	As you have no doubt discovered, Gravity Falls is a town plagued with supernatural strangeness. No one knew how to stop the things that went bump in the night, so our founder invented the next best thing: a way for us to forget. We took it upon ourselves to help the troubled townsfolk by erasing the memories of the strange things they've seen. Now the people of Gravity Falls go about their lives ignorant and happy, thanks to us. And as a perk, we help ourselves forget things that trouble us. Everyone has something they'd rather forget. In fact, your own sister was about to use that ray on herself. Isn't that right?
Dipper	Mabel? Seriously?
Mabel	Ha ha, maybe...
Dipper	Don't you see? This is ruining lives! What about Old Man McGucket? He lives in a hut and talks to animals, thanks to you. Don't you feel bad about that?
Blind Ivan	Mmm, maybe a little. (Shoots himself with the ray) But not anymore. You won't be telling anyone else what you've learned here. Say good-bye to your summer. (He aims the ray gun at them)
Soos	Guys, if we're gonna forget everything, I got some stuff I wanna get off my chest. Mabel, for half the summer, I thought your name was Maple, like the syrup. No one corrected me!
Mabel	I only love some of my stuffed animals, and the guilt is killing me!
Dipper	Sometimes I use big words, and I don't actually know what they mean. I mean, I'm supposed to be the smart guy. If I'm not the smart guy, who am I?
Wendy	Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7. Have you met my family?
Blind Ivan	Oh, stop being a bunch of babies. (McGucket jumps down and knocks away the gun.) Owie!
All	McGucket?!
McGucket	I raided the mining display for weapons. Now fight like a hillbilly, fellers!
	Everyone grabs a weapon: banjos, stuffed raccoons etc. Soos grabs an informational display about dysentery.
Soos	Oh, nobody better miss!
Blind Ivan	They know too much. Don't let them escape!
Wendy	(attacking a society member) Get this song outta your head!
Soos	Dysentery's gonna get you, dawg!
Dipper	McGucket's memory tube.
Tats	Oh no you don't!
Dipper	(puts the memory tube into a transport tube. It zooms around the room.) Mabel, catch!
Sprott	I'll take that, thank you. Give it up, boy. You're no match for the unstoppable power of- (His rob is caught in the tube and rips off, leaving him in his underwear.) That's right, I don't wear nothin' under my robe. Not gonna apologize for that. Maybe y'all should apologize for bein' a bunch of prudes.
All	Eew!
Soos	Well, time to erase that forever. (He holds up the gun, but Blind Ivan snatches it.)
Blind Ivan	Give me that tube.
Dipper	Never! That memory belongs to McGucket.
Blind Ivan	The Society's secrets belong to us. (He has the group in a corner and points the ray at them.) End of the line. By tomorrow, this will all seem like a bad dream. Say goodbye to your precious memories. (He fires the gun)
Dipper	NO!! (He shields his eyes, but finds McGucket has jumped in front of the group, catching the ray.) McGucket, you took a bullet for me. (As McGucket gets shot with the ray again.) Oh my gosh! Are you okay?!
McGucket	Okay as I'll ever be! (laughs)
Dipper	What?
Blind Ivan	(He keeps shooting at McGucket, who slowly walks toward him.) Why... isn't... this... working?
McGucket	Hit me with your best shot, Baldy. But my mind's been gone for thirty-odd years. You can't break what's already broken!
McGucket	Say goodnight, Sally! (He headbutts Blind Ivan. The Society members are tied up)
Blind Ivan	Unhand us!
Mabel	It isn't so fun being tied up, is it? Hey, wanna draw on their faces?
Blind Ivan	What?
Mabel	Tra-la-la... (She crosses out Ivan's "knowledge" tattoo and replaces it with "butts".)
Blind Ivan	Hey, stop that! That's not funny.
Dipper	It's pretty funny.
Soos	It's, like, objectively funny.
Blind Ivan	We'll have our revenge. We'll never forget what you've done.
Dipper	Oh, I think you just might. (He holds up the ray gun.) Say cheese.
	Cut to the outside of the Museum. The Society members, in normal clothes, are walking out.)
Dipper	Thanks for visiting the Museum for Gold Miner Appreciation Night. Be sure to tip the gold miner on your way out.
Blind Ivan	I'm sorry, but what's my name? Where am I?
Dipper	Oh, might have overdone that one.
Mabel	Your name is Toot-toot McBumbersnazzle. You're a traveling banjo minstrel, with a song in your heart, and funny tattoos on your head.
Blind Ivan	Yes, I am Toot-toot McBumbersnazzle. Cheers! (walks away, singing) "Toot-toot is my name..."
Dipper	All right, McGucket, are you ready to see your memories? Find out who you really are?
McGucket	I'm not so sure. What if I don't like what I see?
Mabel	We've come all this way. Go on.
	McGucket puts the tube into the machine. An image pops up on the screen of McGucket, 30 years younger.)
McGucket	(On tape) My name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, and I wish to unsee what I have seen.
All	(gasp)
McGucket	Sweet sarsaparilla.
Younger McGucket	For the past year, I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher. He has been cataloging his findings about Gravity Falls in a series of journals. I helped him build a machine which he believed had the potential to benefit all mankind, but something went wrong. I decided to quit the project. But I lie awake at night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done. I believe I have invented a machine that can permanently erase these memories from my mind. (He holds up the memory erasing ray.) Test subject One: Fiddleford. (He shoots it. The screen goes to static and comes back on) It worked! I can't recall a thing. (Static, lab is in disarray) I call it the Society of the Blind Eye. We will help those who want to forget by erasing their bad memories! (Static, McGucket is more disheveled and nervous.) Today, I came across a colony of little men, very disturbing. I would like to forget seeing this. (Static. McGucket's lab is a mess and his arm is in a cast.) I accidentally hit another car in town today. I feel terri-bibble! Terrible. I've been forgetting words lately. I wonder if there are any negative side effects... (static. McGucket has a beard and is filming from a motel.) I saw something in the lake, something big! (static) My hair's been a-fallin' out, so I got this hat from a scarecrow. Hey, are my pants on backwards? (static. McGucket is wild-eyed and filming from the junkyard. Maniacally giggling and speaking gibberish:) Yroo Xrksvi! Girzmtov! (which is Atbash for:) Bill Cipher! Triangle! (The tape ends.)
Mabel	Oh, McGucket, I'm so sorry.
McGucket	Aw, hush. You kids helped me get my memories back, just like you said.
Mabel	But did you want those memories back?
McGucket	After all these years, I finally know who I am. Maybe I messed up in the past, but now that I seen what happened, I can begin to put myself together again. (Hamboning:) Thanks for opening my eyes.
Dipper	Still don't know what that means. So, wait. You weren't the author, but you worked with him. Do you remember who he was?
McGucket	It's beginning to come back, but I need more time. And reading glasses. Heck! (spits) I got some rememberin' to do.
Wendy	So Mabel, you still wanna erase those failed summer romances?
Mabel	You know, no one likes having bad memories, but maybe it's better to remember the bad things and learn from them than to go all denial crazy trying to forget.
Wendy	That's some mature junk right there, Mabel.
Mabel	Yep. Miss Mature. That's me. Hey, you wanna help me vandalize this picture of my jerky ex-crush? (They all doodle on a picture of Gabe.)
Wendy	(They get into the car.) Hey, you know what? Going on this big adventure actually made me get that stupid song out of my head.
Soos	Nice. (Starts the car. "Straight Blanchin" plays.)
Wendy	Oh, come on!
	Credits
McGucket	(sitting in the back of the car with Dipper. Flipping through the journal.) It's all so familiar. It's almost like I can remember...
	Cut to Stan in his lab, working on the universe portal
Stan	(Pouring fuel) All right, you're getting closer. Every day it's getting stronger. (A gust of wind grabs his notebook and mug and sucks them into the portal.) Haha, yes! (A flying pipe hits his hand.) Ah! (Bandaging the bloody wound) I don't care if it's dangerous. I don't care how long it takes. I'm gonna pull this off, and no one's gonna get in my way! (Focus on a picture of Dipper and Mabel)