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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Scary-oke." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Gideon Rises" Next: "Into the Bunker"
(The episode starts off in the middle of the night with a massive blue light glowing from inside the Mystery Shack. Inside the twins' bedroom they and Waddles are both sleeping, but Waddles wakes up because of the light. The scene goes to Grunkle Stan in his secret underground lab looking at the portal)

Grunkle Stan

Finally, after thirty long years, my greatest achievement. (pauses) Probably should've worn pants. (The machine spouts out some fire that hits Stan in the shoulder and he pats himself on his shoulder to get rid of the fire) Feisty, (smiling) I like it. (Stan sits down in his chair). I just have to keep playing it cool, if anyone finds out... (He looks at a picture of Dipper and Mabel he has) Yeah, right. I've come this far. (He powers on the machine with a six-fingered glove on, which causes a power surge around town, and we cut to a shot of Dipper, Mabel, Waddles, Wendy, and Gideon sleeping.)

Cut to Government Base, we see a screen with Sound waves. Agent Trigger and Agent Powers are sitting in front of the screen.

Agent Trigger

See there! There it is again!

Agent Powers

We haven't seen readings like this for thirty years.

Agent Trigger

Is it coming from deep space? (Zooms in on screen) An enemy weapon site? (Zooms several times)

Agent Powers

Just as I suspected. Gentleman! We're going to Gravity Falls.
Big screen slightly changes to a map of Gravity Falls, Oregon
Cut to theme song
Stan's alarm clock wakes him up, he is still in the secret lab.

Grunkle Stan

Oh right. Showtime.
Cut to Mystery Shack

Grunkle Stan

Welcome, to the grand re-opening of the Mystery Shack!
Tourists (These include Tyler, Free Pizza Guy, Hank and others.) cheer for Stan.

Grunkle Stan

We're here to celebrate we defeated that scump Lil Gideon!

Tourists

Boo!

Grunkle Stan

Please, please. Boo harder!

Tourists

BOO!

Grunkle Stan

But I didn't catch that chump all alone. These two scamps deserve SOME of the glory (Playfully rubs Dipper's hat.)
Mabel pokes Stan with her elbow.

Grunkle Stan

Okay, okay. Most of the glory.

Toby Determined

Smile for the camera!

Grunkle Stan

Your camera is a cinder block, Toby.

Toby Determined

(sadly) I just want to be a part of things...

Shandra Jimenez

Smile for a REAL camera.

Mabel

Everybody say "Something stupid!"

Mabel, Stan and Dipper

(Mabel pokes her fingers in her cheeks, Stan puts on some jazzhands, and Dipper pretends to choke himself.) Something Stupid!

Grunkle Stan

And don't forget to go to the after-party tonight at eight. (shows After-Party poster.)

Mabel

We're doing a Karaoke with dancing people! Light! Music! Enchantment! (blows confetti out of her hand). And an amazing karaoke-performance by our family band, "Love Patrol Alpha"!

Dipper

I don't know about that.

Grunkle Stan

I never agreed to that ever.

Mabel

Too late! I wrote your names on the list! It's happening!

Wendy

(Honks a horn) Buy your ticket people! You know you don't have anything going on in your lives! I'm talking to you pizza guy! Don't lame out on me!
Tourists follow Wendy outside, cut to Stan, Dipper and Mabel

Grunkle Stan

(Sighs) The town loves us, we finally got that Gideon smell out of the carpet. Everything is finally going my way.

Dipper

Hey, Grunkle Stan. Now that we have a moment. I've been meaning to ask you for my journal back.

Grunkle Stan

Huh? Journal? ("searches" himself for the journal, pulling it from under a cooler.). Oh! Hehe! You mean this old thing! It was so boring I couldn't even finish it.
Flashback in Stan's room, Stan copies Journal 3.

Waddles

(squeals)

Grunkle Stan

(points at Waddles) you didn't see nothing!

Dipper

Wait, you're just gonna give it to me? Just like that?

Grunkle Stan

What else do you want? A kiss on the cheek?

Dipper

I.. I gotta go (takes Mabel with him to the attic)

Soos

I wouldn't mind a kiss on the cheek.

Grunkle Stan

Not gonna happen.
Cut to attic. Dipper locks the door, turns Mabel's stuffed animals around, pulls down the screen on the window and turns on his electric candle.

Dipper

Mabel, we've got to talk. Almost losing my journal made me realize that I'm halfway trough the summer, and still no closer to figuring out the big mysteries of Gravity Falls. Gideon almost destroyed the town to get his hands on this Journal. But why? (Starts pacing up and down the room) Who wrote it? Where are all the other journals? What was Bill talking about when he said "everything was going to change"? There's something HUGE going on right under our noses. And it's time we stop goofing around and get to the bottom of it.

Mabel

Bro, you looked at that thing for like a bazillion times. There's nothing left to discover! Half the pages are blank, remember?

Dipper

(flipping through pages of Journal 3) I just feel like I'm one puzzle piece away from figuring out everything.

Mabel

Don't worry Dipper! (Lifts up Waddles) Lord Mystery Ham is on the case! "I play by me own rules! Wot? Wot?"

Dipper

I don't know why I tell you things. Do you hear that?
Cut to the Mystery Shack parking. A car parks. Two men step out of the car and look at the Shack.

Soos

Hey, Mr. Pines, what's that code word I suppose to yell when I see a government vehicle ?

Grunkle Stan

Wait, what? (Stan goes near Soos and looks outside the window too) Government vehicle?
(A "U.S. Government" vehicle arrives near the Mystery Shack, a "USEXEMPT" is on the vehicle's number-plate, and a sticker that says "Honk If You Want To Be Arrested" is on the back of the car. Stan, with a scared look on his face, quickly closes the window, goes to the Mystery Shack's speaker and screams into it:)

Grunkle Stan

(In the Mystery Shack's speaker:) The Mystery Shack is now closed, everybody out! I will not hesitate to use the hose on the elderly!
(Mabel and Dipper run to Stan while all the customers are leaving the gift shop.)

Mabel

Grunkle Stan, what's happening?

Dipper

Yeah, you never shut down the gift shop.
(Stan is walking nervous in the gift shop, a door bell ring is heard and a few knocks after it.)

Grunkle Stan

(Stan Opens the door with a big smile) Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What can I get you? (Stan takes out a snow globe and an U.F.O key chain of his jacket) Key chains? Snow globes? These rare photos of American presidents? (Stan takes out a dollar bill out of his sleeve as he begins to sweat.)
(Two black wearing men appear in front of Stan, showing their government I.D. card)

Agent Powers

My name is Agent Powers and this is Agent Trigger, We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town.

Agent Trigger

Activity!

Grunkle Stan

Mysterious activity? In the Mystery Shack? You gotta be joking!

Agent Powers

I assure you I'm not. I was born with a rare disorder that made me physically incapable of experiencing humor.

Grunkle Stan

(laughs nervously)

Agent Powers

I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth. Now if you'll excuse us we are conducting an investigation.
(Both men enter the Mystery Shack.)

Agent Trigger

Investigation!

Dipper

Wait! Wait, did you guys say you're investigating the mysteries of this town?

Agent Powers

That information is classified (kneels down), but yes. Look. Between you and me. I believe there is an conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town. (close-up) We're just one lead away from blowing the lid of this entire mystery.

Dipper

Are you kidding me? I'm investigating the exact same thing! I found this Journal in the woods which has almost all the answers. If we work together, we could crack the case!
Agent Powers checks Agent Trigger

Agent Powers

If you have evidence of these claim, (gives Dipper his card) we should talk.

Dipper

We could talk right now! Please please. C-come in! (Stan looks frightened) I have so much to show you!

Grunkle Stan

Hehe, I'm sorry agents. The kid has an overactive imagination. And like, a sweating problem.

Mabel (elsewhere)

Haha! Zing!

Grunkle Stan

Paranormal town stuff is just part of gift shop lore. Sells more tickets you know? (snaps fingers)

Soos

Popodopopo! Swag! (Sticks an "What is the Mystery Shack?" bumper sticker to the agents and puts some funny article on their heads.)

Agent Powers

We have other spots to investigate. We'll be on our way.

Agent Trigger

(Takes 10 Stan bobbleheads.) I'm confiscating this for evidence.

Agent Powers

Smart move.

Dipper

(Runs) Wait! No, wait! We got so much to talk about!

Grunkle Stan

(Stops Dipper) Hold it kiddo. Trust me, the last thing you want around during a party, is cops. (closes Vending machine). Im confiscating that card. (confiscates card from Dipper).

Dipper

(Gasps)

Grunkle Stan

Now how's about you being a normal kid. Flirt with a girl, or steal a pie of a window sill. (puts card in "Contraband Box" and walks to the living room)

Dipper

But Grunkle Stan! You don't understand!

Grunkle Stan

And don't go talking to those agents.

Dipper

Ugh! That could have been my big break!

Mabel

(takes journal) Bro, maybe Grunkle Stan is right. We're trowing a party tonight! Can't you go one night without searching for aliens or raising the dead or whatever?

Dipper

I'm not gonna raise the dead. I need a chance to show those agents my book!

Mabel

Trust me Dipper, the only book you'll need tonight is right here: Poop! (shows her "Karaoke Songs" book.)

Dipper

(holds book)

Mabel

I say Kara-, you say -oke! Kara-, Kara-, Kara! I could do this all day.
(Cut to party, Soos places a nacho bowl, Mabel stands on the podium while Stan walks to the Shack.)

Stan

(gets shot by Mabel's confetti canon) Aah!

Mabel

Well, the confetti canon works! (gasps) And the karaoke machine has all the best songs! (reads out loud) "We build this township on rock and roll", "Danger Lane to Highway town", "T8king over midnight by &NDRA !" (grabs microphone).

Grunkle Stan

Listen kid, you do not want to hear this voice singing. Trust me.

Mabel

Grunkle Stan, karaoke is not about sounding good, it's about sounding terrible, TOGETHER.

Wendy

(laughs) Check it out! These blacklights make my teeth look scary. (puts on blacklight) It's like a crime scene, in my mouth! C'mon, you love it.

Dipper

(sighs) It's not fair. Finally I meet someone who can help me solve the mysteries of this town, and Stan confiscates their card.

Wendy

Dude, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm pretty sure Stan hides, like, everything in his room.

Dipper

Ugh, if I go into Stan's room I could get in so much trouble.

Wendy

Yeah, you're probably right. That's what makes it fun, dummy! (puts party hat on Dipper's head)
Cut to Soos stacking Piñatas shaped like Grunkle Stan's head

Soos

Man, I can't wait to smash these Stañatas!

Grenda

Smash! (dives into the Stañatas, breaking them and the table they are on) Grenda has entered the party!

Candy

(picking up candy from the destroyed Stañatas) Stan's brains look delicious.

Mabel

Girls! (hugs Candy and Grenda)

Grenda

Omigosh! Omigosh, Mabel! Is that a boombox sweater?

Mabel

See for yourself!

Grenda

Poke! (pokes the boombox on Mabel's sweater)
The boombox starts flashing and music plays. The three girls start dancing.

Grenda

(while dancing) Ha! Ha! Yes, work it! Hah!
Cut to the Mystery Shack's carpark as some vehicles pull in. Gompers is standing on the "Mystery Shack" sign. Thompson, Tambry, Nate and Lee are walking towards the party.

Thompson

Aw, I thought this was gonna be a rave.

Nate

Thompson, take off your shirt and make it a rave!

Thompson

(while taking shirt off) I'll do anything for your approval!

Tambry

(takes a picture of shirtless Thompson with her phone)

Thompson

Aw, come on.

Tambry

I promise I won't send it to anyone. (presses "SEND ALL" button on her phone)
Cut to Grunkle Stan at a table with "ADMISSION $10" written on the front.

Lazy Susan

(walks past and hands Stan some money while carrying a pie) Who's got one good eye and one good pie?

Manly Dan

(walks past and hands Stan money while carrying two kegs with "MEAT" written on them) These kegs are full of meat!

Tyler

(walks past and hands Stan money while looking at his phone) (laughs) Tambry sends me the craziest texts!

Grunkle Stan

The whole town is showing up! And no sign of those pesky agents. Wendy, Dipper. How are those posters coming along? (looks at where Dipper and Wendy were, notices they're gone, and frowns) Hm.
Cut to the door of Stan's room. A piece of wood nailed to the door reads "STAN'S ROOM". A sign hanging on a nail below it reads "NO MINORS ALLOWED". A picture of Dipper with a cross through it and "THAT MEANS YOU!" written on it is pinned to the door. A "Do not disturb" sign is on the doorknob.

Wendy

I'll keep an eye out for Stan. You go rustle through his weird old man biz.

Dipper

(opens door and walks into Stan's room) Alright, Grunkle Stan. Where did you hide that card? (opens drawer with Gold Chains for Old Men magazine and other items) Nothing. (opens closet) Nothing. (opens drawer with knuckledusters and boxing gloves) Nothing. (opens chest containing Fully Clothed Women magazine and Lady Swimwear magazine) Ew! Pretending I never saw that. (ends up in front of a portrait of Stan) Wait a minute... (moves portrait to reveal a secret compartment with a box labelled "Contraband" in it) Haha, yes! (takes out box and pulls out Agent Powers' card) I got it! (picks up the phone and dials the number on the card)

Agent Powers

(through phone) Agent Powers.

Dipper

Hi, this is Dipper. Th-the kid from the Mystery Shack. The one with the, um, "sweating problem". I have that journal I wanted to show you!

Agent Powers

(through phone) And you're certain this "journal" will help our case?

Dipper

I'm a hundred percent positive.

Agent Powers

(through phone) Very well. We're on our way.
Grunkle Stan appears and presses a button to end the phone call.

Dipper

(gasps)

Wendy

Sorry, Dipper. (shows her phone with the picture of shirtless Thompson on it) I got distracted.

Grunkle Stan

Kid, why did you call those agents? I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times! (grabs phone from Dipper) There's nothing "supernatural" going on in Gravity Falls. (hangs up phone)

Dipper

Yes, there is! After everything that's happened you have to know that by now.

Grunkle Stan

All I know is that your dumb obsession is gonna get us all in trouble one of these days. Now go enjoy the rest of the party. 'Cause when it's over - you're grounded!
Dipper and Wendy walk away. Dipper looks at Stan angrily.

Grunkle Stan

(sighs)
Cut to the vending machine. Stan enters the code, goes behind it, then checks to see if anyone is watching before closing it behind him.
Cut to the party, Mabel walks from left to right.

Mabel

(To unnamed kids and rich boy ) Hey boys! Looking good! (To Gorney ) Gorney! You clean up nice! (to mr. Poolcheck) Mr. Poolcheck move those crazy legs. (softly) you- you weird pool man.. (to Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland ) What's the problem officers? Did you catch my face going ninety smiles per hour?

Deputy Durland

We've got complaints about the loudest party in town.

Sheriff Blubs

Three words; We want in.

Mabel

(lifts up party whistles and put them in Durland and Blubs' mouth) (whispers) Welcome to your dreams!

Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland

(blow whistles)
Cut to Mystery Shack parking lane, the government vehicle from earlier appears. Agent Trigger and Agent Powers get out of it. They look at their watches.

Dipper

Guys, I'm so glad to see you. Working together we can crack the all of the big questions of Gravity Falls! (Agents look at each other) Trust me, this book is the lead you've been looking for. (gives book to Agents, they start reading) I'm thinking full scale investigation. Forensics, researchers. Do you guys have a helicopter? (chuckles) I'm sorry, "helicopTERS."

Agent Powers

Kid, I'd love to believe you, but this just looks like more junk from your uncle's gift shop. (points backwards.)

I mean, Leprecorn? I can't be the only one who thinks that's not funny.

Agent Trigger

I can confirm. (shakes his head) Not funny.

Dipper

No, no, no! It's real, I swear! You should "send it to the lab." Am I saying that right?

Agent Powers

(hands Dipper back the journal.) Your uncle was right about that overactive imagination of your's. We've got paperwork to do, kid.

Agent Trigger

Boring paperwork.

Dipper

WAIT! This book is real. (Flipping pages) Gnomes, Cursed Objects, Spells! LISTEN! Uh, Corpse Levita Diablo Daminium Mondo Vicium!
'Vicium' echos through the air, as a large gust builds up. The ground starts shaking.

Dipper

Huh?

Both Agents

AAH!
A huge crack forms between Dipper's feet he jumps away and lands near the Agents. Green smoke comes out the crack. A zombie slowly comes out and roars.

Dipper

Ha, a zombie! A real, actual, zombie. Spooky journal, 100% real. Now can we work together?

Agent Powers

Mother of all that is holy!

Agent Triggers

What do we do?

Dipper

It's just one zombie, I see things like this all the time
Dipper scans trough his journal, looking for a solution. Then after a few seconds the zombie roars in his face about to eat his brains.

Dipper

AAH!!
Agent Powers Quickly hits the zombie with a rock, so the zombie gets knocked out.

Dipper

Whew Oh, Thank God it was just tat one
The ground starts shaking again more cracks form, more green smoke, and suddenly hundreds of zombies appear and start going after Dipper, Agent Trigger, and Agent Powers.

Dipper

Oh my gosh! You You guys can help right!?!

Agent Powers

Kid were been chasing the paranormal for years now but we have never seen anything like this before!

Agent Trigger

Get down!
Then to zombies come up behind the agents and the zombies pull the agents into the darkness of the forest. Dipper is now by himself

Dipper

OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!
Cuts to the party were everyone is happy, dancing, and having a good time. Then show the police rapping

Sheriff Blubs

What up, fools. It's Blubs and Durland.

Deputy Durland

Making all dem money And gettin' dem girls

Both Police

OOOOOHHHH

Mabel

(Talking to the crowd of the party) What do you say guys is this party legendary? When I say Mabel you say Pines!
The ground starts shaking because of the zombies Right as Mabel starts saying Mabel (for the Pines reply)

Mabel

Mabel!

Unknown Woman

AHHHHHHHH!

Mabel

Mabel!

Unknown Biker Guy

We're all gonna die!

Mabel

Why does that never work?

Wendy

Whoa, WHOA I think it's an earthquake!
Wendy Blows an airhorn

Wendy

Hey, everybody we got to get out of here!
Cuts to Candy and Grenada

Candy

We are all doomed!

Grenada

Quick, into my get away pouch.
Candy jumps into Grenada's backpack

Grenada

Mabel, escape while you still can! (She yells to Mabel as she is running out)

Mabel

Wait no, don't leave! We haven't even done our family karaoke song yet!
Dipper runs into the party (Soos and Mabel are the only ones left) Mabel notices the zombies following Dipper

Mabel

Dipper, what's the one thing I asked you not to do tonight?

Dipper

Raise the the Dead.

Mabel

And what did you do?

Dipper

Raise the Dead.
As the zombies get closer Mabel and Dipper back up as Soos heroically steps in front to protect them

Soos

Stay back dudes this is about to get intense.
the zombie knock back a table forcing them to a dead end, as the zombies surround them

All

AHHHHHHH!

Soos

Sorry, one second (Soos takes out his phone and takes a picture) You got to admit this is pretty cool.

Dipper

The zombies!!

Mabel

Don't panic. Maybe they're just a very ugly flash mob!?!
A zombie swings and almost hits there heads before they duck. They run behind Soos while screaming.

Soos

Dudes, stay calm. I have been training for this moment my whole life. With all the horror movies I see I literally know all there is to know about to avoid zombies.
A zombie bits Soos so he becomes a zombie

Zombie Soos

Second thought, gonna flip the script can I eat your brains? Ye or Nah, Seeing some Ye faces over here.

Dipper and Mabel

AHHHHHH!
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