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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Scary-oke." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Gideon Rises" Next: "Into the Bunker"
(The episode starts off in the middle of the night with a massive blue light glowing from inside the Mystery Shack. Inside the twins' bedroom they and Waddles are both sleeping, but Waddles wakes up because of the light. The scene goes to Grunkle Stan in his secret underground lab looking at the portal)
Grunkle Stan

Finally, after thirty long years, my greatest achievement. (pauses) Probably should've worn pants. (The machine spouts out some fire that hits Stan in the shoulder and he pats himself on his shoulder to get rid of the fire) Feisty, (smiling) I like it. (Stan sits down in his chair). I just have to keep playing it cool, if anyone finds out... (He looks at a picture of Dipper and Mabel he has) Yeah, right. I've come this far. (He powers on the machine with a six-fingered glove on, which causes a power surge around town, and we cut to a shot of Dipper, Mabel, Waddles, Wendy, and Gideon sleeping.)

Cut to Government Base, we see a screen with Sound waves. Agent Trigger and Agent Powers are sitting in front of the screen.
Agent Trigger See there! There it is again!
Agent Powers We haven't seen readings like this for thirty years.
Agent Trigger Is it coming from deep space? (Zooms in on screen) An enemy weapon site? (Zooms several times)
Agent Powers Just as I suspected. Gentleman! We're going to Gravity Falls.
Big screen slightly changes to a map of Gravity Falls, Oregon
Cut to theme song
Stan's alarm clock wakes him up, he is still in the secret lab.
Grunkle Stan Oh right. Showtime.
Cut to Mystery Shack
Grunkle Stan Welcome, to the grand re-opening of the Mystery Shack!
Tourists (These include Tyler, Free Pizza Guy, Hank and others.) cheer for Stan.
Grunkle Stan We're here to celebrate we defeated that scump Lil Gideon!
Tourists Boo!
Grunkle Stan Please, please. Boo harder!
Tourists BOO!
Grunkle Stan But I didn't catch that chump all alone. These two scamps deserve SOME of the glory (Playfully rubs Dipper 's hat.)
Mabel pokes Stan with her elbow.
Grunkle Stan Okay, okay. Most of the glory.
Toby Determined Smile for the camera!
Grunkle Stan Your camera is a cinder block, Toby.
Toby Determined I just want to be a part of things...
Shandra Jimenez Smile for a REAL camera.
Mabel Everybody say "Something stupid!"
Mabel, Stan and Dipper (Mabel pokes her fingers in her cheeks, Stan puts on some jazzhands, and Dipper pretends to choke himself.) Something Stupid!
Grunkle Stan And don't forget to go to the after-party tonight at eight. (shows After-Party poster.)
Mabel We're doing a Karaoke with dancing people! Light! Music! Enchantment! (blows confetti out of her hand). And an amazing karaoke-performance by our family band, "Love Patrol Alpha"!
Dipper I don't know about that.
Grunkle Stan I never agreed to that ever.
Mabel Too late! I wrote your names on the list! It's happening!
Wendy (Honks a horn) Buy your ticket people! You know you don't have anything going on in your lives! I'm talking to you pizza guy! Don't lame out on me!
Tourists follow Wendy outside, cut to Stan, Dipper and Mabel
Grunkle Stan (Sighs) The town loves us, we finally got that Gideon smell out of the carpet. Everything is finally going my way.
Dipper Hey, Grunkle Stan. Now that we have a moment. I've been meaning to ask you for my journal back.
Grunkle Stan Huh? Journal? ("searches" himself for the journal). Oh! Hehe! You mean this old thing! It was so boring I couldn't even finish it.
Flashback in Stan's room, Stan copies Journal 3.
Waddles Squeals
Grunkle Stan (points at Waddles) you didn't see nothing!
Dipper Wait, you're just gonna give it to me? Just like that?
Grunkle Stan What else do you want? A kiss on the cheek?
Dipper I.. I gotta go (takes Mabel with him to the attic)
Soos I wouldn't mind a kiss on the cheek.
Grunkle Stan Not gonna happen.
Cut to attic. Dipper locks the door, turns Mabel's stuffed animals around, pulls down the screen on the window and turns on his electric candle.
Dipper Mabel, we've got to talk. Almost losing my journal made me realize that I'm halfway trough the summer, and still no closer to figuring out the big mysteries of Gravity Falls. Gideon almost destroyed the town to get his hands on this Journal. But why? (Starts pacing up and down the room) Who wrote it? Where are all the other journals? What was Bill talking about when he said "everything was going to change"? There's something HUGE going on right under our noses. And it's time we stop goofing around and get to the bottom of it.
Mabel Bro, you looked at that thing for like a bazillion times. There's nothing left to discover! Half the pages are blank, remember?
Dipper I just feel like I'm one puzzle piece away from figuring out everything.
Mabel Don't worry Dipper! (Lifts up Waddles) Lord Mystery Ham is on the case! "I play by me own rules! What? What?"
Dipper I don't know why I tell you things. Do you hear that?
Cut to the Mystery Shack parking. A car parks. Two men step out of the car and look at the Shack.
Soos Hey, Mr. Pines, what's that code word I suppose to yell when I see a government vehicle ?
Grunkle Stan Wait, what? (Stan goes near Soos and looks outside the window too) Government vehicle?
(A "U.S. Government" vehicle arrives near the Mystery Shack, a "USEXEMPT" is on the vehicle's number-plate, and a sticker that says "Honk If You Want To Be Arrested" is on the back of the car. Stan, with a scared look on his face, quickly closes the window, goes to the Mystery Shack's speaker and screams into it:)
Grunkle Stan (In the Mystery Shack's speaker:) The Mystery Shack is now closed, everybody out! I will not hesitate to use the hose on the elderly!
(Mabel and Dipper run to Stan while all the customers are leaving the gift shop.)
Mabel Grunkle Stan, what's happening?
Dipper Yeah, you never shut down the gift shop.
(Stan is walking nervous in the gift shop, a door bell ring is heard and a few knocks after it.)
Grunkle Stan (Stan Opens the door with a big smile) Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What can I get you? (Stan takes out a snow globe and an U.F.O key chain of his jacket) Key chains? Snow globes? These rare photos of American presidents? (Stan takes out a dollar bill out of his sleeve)
(Two black wearing men appear in front of Stan, showing their government I.D. card)
Agent Powers My name is Agent Powers and this is Agent Trigger, We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town.
Agent Trigger Activity!
Grunkle Stan Mysterious activity? In the Mystery Shack? You gotta be joking!
Agent Powers I assure you I'm not. I was born with a rare disorder that made me physically incapable of experiencing humor.
Grunkle Stan (laughs nervously)
Agent Powers I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth. Now if you'll excuse us we are conducting an investigation.
(Both men enter the Mystery Shack.)
Agent Trigger

Investigation!

Dipper Wait! Wait, did you guys say you're investigating the mysteries of this town?
Agent Powers That information is classified (kneels down), but yes. Look. Between you and me. I believe there is an conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town. (close-up) We're just one lead away from blowing the lid of this entire mystery.
Dipper Are you kidding me? I'm investigating the exact same thing! I found this Journal in the woods which has almost all the answers. If we work together, we could crack the case!
Agent Powers checks Agent Trigger
Agent Powers If you have evidence of these claim, (gives Dipper his card) we should talk.
Dipper We could talk right now! Please please. C-come in! (Stan looks frightened) I have so much to show you!
Grunkle Stan Hehe, I'm sorry agents. The kid has an overactive imagination. And like, a sweating problem.
Mabel (elsewhere) Haha! Zing!
Grunkle Stan Paranormal town stuff is just part of gift shop lore. Sells more tickets you know? (snaps fingers)
Soos Popodopopo! Swag! (Sticks an "What is the Mystery Shack?" bumper sticker to the agents and puts some funny article on their heads.)
Agent Powers We have other spots to investigate. We'll be on our way.
Agent Trigger (Takes 10 Stan bobbleheads.) I'm confiscating this for evidence.
Agent Powers Smart move.
Dipper (Runs) Wait! No, wait! We got so much to talk about!
Grunkle Stan (Stops Dipper) Hold it kiddo. Trust me, the last thing you want around during a party, is cops. (closes Vending machine). Im confiscating that card. (confiscates card from Dipper).
Dipper (Gasps)
Grunkle Stan Now how's about you being a normal kid. Flirt with a girl, or steal a pie of a window sill. (puts card in "Contraband Box" and walks to the living room)
Dipper But Grunkle Stan! You don't understand!
Grunkle Stan And don't go talking to those agents.
Dipper Ugh! That could have been my big break!
Mabel (takes journal) Bro, maybe Grunkle Stan is right. We're trowing a party tonight! Can't you go one night without searching for aliens or raising the dead or whatever?
Dipper I'm not gonna raise the dead. I need a chance to show those agents my book!
Mabel Trust me Dipper, the only book you'll need tonight is right here: Poop! (shows her "Karaoke Songs" book.)
Dipper (holds book)
Mabel I say Kara-, you say -oke! Kara-, Kara-, Kara! I could do this all day.
(Cut to party, Soos places a nacho bowl, Mabel stands on the podium while Stan walks to the Shack.)
Stan (gets shot by Mabel's confetti canon) Aah!
Mabel Well, the confetti canon works! (gasps) And the karaoke machine has all the best songs! (reads out loud) "We build this township on rock and roll", "Danger Lane to Highway town", "T8king over midnight by &NDRA !" (grabs microphone).
Grunkle Stan Listen kid, you do not want to hear this voice singing. Trust me.
Mabel Grunkle Stan, karaoke is not about sounding good, it's about sounding terrible, TOGETHER.
Wendy (laughs) Check it out! These blacklights make my teeth look scary. (puts on blacklight) It's like a crime scene, in my mouth! C'mon, you love it.
Dipper (sighs) It's not fair. Finally I meet someone who can help me solve the mysteries of this town, and Stan confiscates their card.
Wendy Dude, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm pretty sure Stan hides, like, everything in his room.
Dipper Ugh, if I go into Stan's room I could get in so much trouble.
Wendy Yeah, you're probably right. That's what makes it fun, dummy! (puts party hat on Dipper's head)
Cut to Soos stacking Piñatas shaped like Grunkle Stan's head
Soos Man, I can't wait to smash these Stañatas!
Grenda Smash! (dives into the Stañatas, breaking them and the table they are on) Grenda has entered the party!
Candy (picking up candy from the destroyed Stañatas) Stan's brains look delicious.
Mabel Girls! (hugs Candy and Grenda)
Grenda Omigosh! Omigosh, Mabel! Is that a boombox sweater?
Mabel See for yourself!
Grenda Poke! (pokes the boombox on Mabel's sweater)
The boombox starts flashing and music plays. The three girls start dancing.
Grenda (while dancing) Ha! Ha! Yes, work it! Hah!
Cut to the Mystery Shack's carpark as some vehicles pull in. Gompers is standing on the "Mystery Shack" sign. Thompson, Tambry, Nate and Lee are walking towards the party.
Thompson Aw, I thought this was gonna be a rave.
Nate Thompson, take off your shirt and make it a rave!
Thompson (while taking shirt off) I'll do anything for your approval!
Tambry (takes a picture of shirtless Thompson with her phone)
Thompson Aw, come on.
Tambry I promise I won't send it to anyone. (presses "SEND ALL" button on her phone)
Cut to Grunkle Stan at a table with "ADMISSION $10" written on the front.
Lazy Susan (walks past and hands Stan some money while carrying a pie) Who's got one good eye and one good pie?
Manly Dan (walks past and hands Stan money while carrying two kegs with "MEAT" written on them) These kegs are full of meat!
Tyler (walks past and hands Stan money while looking at his phone) (laughs) Tambry sends me the craziest texts!
Grunkle Stan The whole town is showing up! And no sign of those pesky agents. Wendy, Dipper. How are those posters coming along? (looks at where Dipper and Wendy were, notices they're gone, and frowns) Hm.
Cut to the door of Stan's room. A piece of wood nailed to the door reads "STAN'S ROOM". A sign hanging on a nail below it reads "NO MINORS ALLOWED". A picture of Dipper with a cross through it and "THAT MEANS YOU!" written on it is pinned to the door. A "Do not disturb" sign is on the doorknob.
Wendy I'll keep an eye out for Stan. You go rustle through his weird old man biz.
Dipper (opens door and walks into Stan's room) Alright, Grunkle Stan. Where did you hide that card? (opens drawer with Gold Chains for Old Men magazine and other items) Nothing. (opens closet) Nothing. (opens drawer with knuckledusters and boxing gloves) Nothing. (opens chest containing Fully Clothed Women magazine and Lady Swimwear magazine) Ew! Pretending I never saw that. (ends up in front of a portrait of Stan) Wait a minute... (moves portrait to reveal a secret compartment with a box labelled "Contraband" in it) Haha, yes! (takes out box and pulls out Agent Powers' card) I got it! (picks up the phone and dials the number on the card)
Agent Powers (through phone) Agent Powers.
Dipper Hi, this is Dipper. Th-the kid from the Mystery Shack. The one with the, um, "sweating problem". I have that journal I wanted to show you!
Agent Powers (through phone) And you're certain this "journal" will help our case?
Dipper I'm a hundred percent positive.
Agent Powers (through phone) Very well. We're on our way.
Grunkle Stan appears and presses a button to end the phone call.
Dipper (gasps)
Wendy Sorry, Dipper. (shows her phone with the picture of shirtless Thompson on it) I got distracted.
Grunkle Stan Kid, why did you call those agents? I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times! (grabs phone from Dipper) There's nothing "supernatural" going on in Gravity Falls. (hangs up phone)
Dipper Yes, there is! After everything that's happend you have to know that by now.
Grunkle Stan All I know is that your dumb obsession is gonna get us all in trouble one of these days. Now go enjoy the rest of the party. 'Cause when it's over - you're grounded!
Dipper and Wendy walk away. Dipper looks at Stan angrily.
Grunkle Stan (sighs)
Cut to the vending machine. Stan enters the code, goes behind it, then checks to see if anyone is watching before closing it behind him.
Cut to the party, Mabel walks from left to right.
Mabel (To unnamed kids and rich boy ) Hey boys! Looking good! (To Gorney ) Gorney! You clean up nice! (to mr. Poolcheck) Mr. Poolcheck move those crazy legs. (softly) you- you weird pool man.. (to Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland ) What's the problem officers? Did you catch my face going ninety smiles per hour?
Deputy Durland We've got complaints about the loudest party in towen.
Sheriff Blubs Three words; We want in.
Mabel (lifts up party whistels and put them in Durland and Blubs' mouth) (whispers) Welcome to your dreams!
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland (blow whistles)
Cut to Mystery Shack parking lane, the government vehicle from earlier appears. Agent Trigger and Agent Powers get out of it. They look at their watches.

Dipper

Guys, I'm so glad to see you. Working together we can crack the all the big questions of Gravity Falls! (Agents look at each other) Trust me, this book is the lead you've been looking for. (gives book to Agents, they start reading) I'm thinking full scale investigation. Forensics, researchers. Do you guys have a helicopter? (chuckles) I'm sorry, "helicopTERS."

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