| Stan
|
(Hums) Nice. And don't forget the bug spray! It's perfect for spraying in the face of hitchhikers.
|
| Dipper
|
Woah. An RV? Camping gear? Are you running from the law again?
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| Soos
|
Dude! It's the ultimate Oregon road trip adventure.
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| Stan
|
More like revenge trip. Every year my tourist trap competitors prank the Mystery Shack. Last year those hooligans duct taped Soos to the cieling.
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| Soos
|
That was a fun 78 hours.
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| Stan
|
Well no more. This year we're visiting every tourist trap along the redwood highway and I'm gonna prank back every single one.
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| Grenda
|
Bow wow. Time to let the road dogs bark.
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| Candy
|
That is us. We are the road dogs.
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| Mabel
|
Thanks for letting me bring Candy and Grenda along for our road trip, Grunkle Stan.
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| Stan
|
The more the merrier. Just sign these non disclosure agreements. None of your parents are lawyers, right?
|
| Soos
|
(Jumps down from the roof of the RV) What do ya say, Dude? You comin'?
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| Mabel
|
I already went to the trouble of packing all your stuff. Even the stuff you kept in that secret box under the bed. (drops the box) Woah. What the? Ugh, what's that?
|
| Dipper
|
Uh nothing. Just...Wendy stuff...from old times.
|
| Mabel and Soos
|
Ughh.
|
| Mabel
|
Bro, I thought you were finally past all this.
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| Dipper
|
Ahh, I know, I know. I know she's not interested and I know it's over, but how do you just turn off the way you feel about someone?
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| Mabel
|
Two words, Dipper. Move. On.
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| Soos
|
Yeah, dude. And a road trip's the perfect place to meet new people.
|
|
|
(Theme song)
|
|
|
(Soos pants with his tongue sticking out, looking like a dog would in the car.)
|
| Grenda
|
Man, RVs are amazing. I can't believe we're sitting at a table in a moving vehicle!
|
| Candy
|
Ooh. Informational travel pamphlets. I want to read them all and gain their travel knowledge.
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| Stan
|
Kid, those useless pamphlets have never helped a single person. The only wrinkly old travel guide you'll need is me. Now look alive. We're coming up on an attraction run by the most black-hearted proprietor in all of Oregon. (Arriving at Granny Sweetkins Yarnball) Don't let the face fool you. This woman lit my car on fire on two non-consecutive occasions.
|
| Dipper, Mabel, Candy and Grenda
|
Woah.
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| Mabel
|
I'm going in, girls. Waaah. (Candy laughs)
|
| Grenda
|
Yarn.
|
| Dipper
|
Okay. Like Soos said, meet new people. (Walks up to girl and clears throat) So, come here often?
|
| Unnamed tourist girl
|
No. I'm a tourist.
|
| Dipper
|
(laughs nervously) You're funny. And cute. I mean, not cute. I mean you're not not cute. Phew, let me start over. (extending hand) My name is Dopper. (She dumps her ice cream in his hand and walks away) (Dipper sighs)
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| Stan
|
(Over the walkie talkie:) Dipper hup to. This ball a' yarn ain't gonna prank itself. (Dipper sighs) Something on your mind, kiddo? You're thinking about miss cold shoulder over there, huh?
|
| Dipper
|
Ahh, I'm so embarrassed. Look, earlier this summer I ruined my chances with Wendy.
|
| Stan
|
Heh, yeah. Chances.
|
| Dipper
|
And I wanna move on, but I'm terrible at talking to girls. The moment I open my mouth around them I unravel like, like, well I can't think of a perfect metaphor but you get the gist. At this rate, I'm going to grow up to be a sad loner like Toby Determined.
|
| Stan
|
Woah. Never say that about yourself. Lucky for you I'm an expert on women. Listen to me, kid. When it comes to girls always be confident. And be funny, but not too funny. And be kinda annoying but in a lovable way.
|
| Dipper
|
I dunno Grunkle Stan. This sounds kinda jerky.
|
| Stan
|
Hey, jerky is just a term non-jerks use to bad mouth innocent jerks. Confidence, comedy, some third word starting with a C. The three Cs of the Stan Pines dating technique. At the next tourist trap try out my advice on the first girl you see.
|
| Dipper
|
Cool. Grunkle Stan, thanks.
|
| Stan
|
Hey, I'm full a good ideas. Speakin' of which, everyone! Now!
|
| Granny Sweetkins
|
Why you gall darn son of a no good. I'll get you Stan Pines!
|
|
|
Ah Upside-Down Town. The nausea capital of the state. Whatever you do, don't use the bathrooms.
|
| Mabel, Candy and Grenda
|
Road dogs! Woof, woof, woof! (The three girls laugh as they run inside)
|
| Grenda
|
Nice.
|
| Mabel
|
This is so weird.
|
| Stan's voice inside Dipper's head.
|
Alright, kid. This is it. Be confident.
|
| Dipper
|
(Clears throat) Hi, I'm Dipper. Crazy place, right?
|
| Emma Sue
|
Oh hi. I'm Emma Sue. You know, if you pretend we're right side up it looks like everyone's hair is standing on end.
|
| Dipper
|
Huh. Yeah, weird right? Pretend you're screaming.
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