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Transcript.PNG This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Relation Shipping." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Stan's Brother" Next: "Laptop Code"

NOTE: Old Man McGucket is the only one actually present at all times. All other speakers speak only on the TV, and are part of clips from previous episodes. When another character is talking or appears, assume that the focus has cut from McGucket to the screen, and when McGucket is talking, unless specified otherwise, assume that the focus is back on him.

Open with the bulletin board. McGucket comes up with a whistling sound effect.
McGucket Now. I don't get into that chitchat scuttlebutt. (Cut to clip of him dancing and then of Toby Determined dancing) That's for Toby Determined.
Stan Pines (Grunts) This guy.
McGucket But there's been a lotta talk about who's "relation shipping" up with who. (Cut to a clip of Mabel Pines kissing Mermando) Mabel's shipping off with a merman.
Mabel Pines Is it getting hot out here or is it just that guy?
McGucket (Cut to clip of Dipper Pines and Pacifica Northwest laughing together) Dipper and Pacifica. (Cut to clip of Mabel and Dipper at the kitchen table)
Mabel and Dipper Pines (Recoiling in disgust) Eeeew!
McGucket Me and my favorite raccoon. (Laughs; Cut to clip of him shoving a raccoon in a sack) Get in there, raccoon! (Cut back to McGucket) If you ask me, it's a bunch of hog wash. (Cut between McGucket and clips of Soos in Waddles' body, rolling around and bathing in mud) Although, have you ever been to an actual hog wash? (Laughs) It's a fantastic time. Soaping down a pig is its own reward.