This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Mabel's Guide to Dating." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
Previous: "The Hide Behind" | Next: "Mabel's Guide to Stickers" |
Episode opens with Mabel wearing a sportswear. | |
Mabel | And that concludes Mabel's Guide to Fitness. WithWaddles, the Jog hog. (To Waddles) You want that sundae? You gotta jog for it, jog hog! (To the camera) Look at his little shorts. |
(Intro: A techno mixed version of Mabel's voice calling herself plays while a montage of Mabel is played) | |
Mabel | Today: Mabel's Guide to Dating! |
Cuts to Mabel with stuffed animals as guests sitting in front of a talkshow-like table. | |
Mabel | As we all know, I'm a dating expert. In fact, I can't get the boys to leave me alone! |
Static. Mabel's holding a cardboard cutout boy named Zach, pretending to be him. | |
Cardboard Cutout | Mabel, I love you so much, baby. Why won't you let me in to your life? |
Static. Cuts back to Mabel. | |
Mabel | You know what you did, Zach! (Back to focusing at the show) Today we're gonna test the date-ability of three of Gravity Falls' swingin-est bachelors. Soos! |
Soos | (While looking at the wrong camera) Get ready to fall in love, America! Am I, am I looking at the right camera? |
Mabel | Dipper! |
Dipper |
Who are you even making this for? |
Mabel | Grunkle Stan! |
Stan |
I'm only here 'cause you promised bacon. (Mabel throws bacon and Stan eats it) I'm pacified! |
Mabel | And now for a simple 9000 question dating Quiz. |
Static. Cuts to Stan, Dipper and Soos are in the living room taking Mabel's dating quiz. | |
Stan | "Should men always pay for dinner?" What is this, Russia? |
Soos | "How many kids would you like to have?" Seven, preferably. That's one to love every day of the week. |
Dipper | "How do you treat a gal?" Huh. Well, hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says obviously. (Writes on the paper) Nailing this. |
Mabel | While they're busy working, we give you, "Animal Dating!" |
A montage of Mabel forcing to date two animals plays. Then cuts to a sign written "Results!" Mabel stands in front of the contestants. | |
Mabel | Grunkle Stan, on a scale from one to five, you scored a three. |
Stan | Yes! Yes! |
The scene pauses and a "Datable" stamp is stamped on Stan. | |
Mabel | This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers and convicts. |
Stan | I still consider this a victory. |
Mabel | (Walks to dipper) Dipper. your score is..(Looks at the paper) Eesh! You know, scores don't really matter. You just need to focus on being you. |
The scene pauses and a "Questionable" stamp is stamped on Dipper. | |
Mabel | Soos, on a scale from one to five you scored.. a twelve? |
Soos | My grandma was right all along. I am the world's most perfect man! |
Soos gets spotlighted and three birds fly at him. The scene pauses and a "Total Hunk" stamp is stamped on Soos. | |
Title card: Final Thoughts. | |
Mabel | Love is all around us. And if it seems like you too aren't the right fit, force it! (The two squrriels from the montage comes up to Mabel) Oh, no! The squirrels! They're back! Aaah! (The squrriels attack Mabel. Mabel picks up a stuffed rhino) Save me, Mr. Rhino! Save me! |
Static. |