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Static.
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| Dipper Pines
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Alright, uh. Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. (Holds up title card) Today we investigate Gravity Falls Anomaly #82.
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Camera pans over to the left-facing man
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| Dipper
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This guy. Sure he looks normal, but if he's so normal explain why he's always facing left.
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Static.The man is at the grocery store.
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| Dipper
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Literally I've been following him around for weeks...
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Static.The man is running around the park.
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| Dipper
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...and I've never once seen the right side of his face...
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Static.The man is on the escalator.
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| Dipper
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...and neither has anyone else. But why?
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Static.
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| Dipper
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Mabel? Theories?
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| Mabel Pines
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(Holds up pictures) Theory one: He's hiding an embarassing sunburn. Theory two: Half-man, half lizard-man! And theory number three, my personal favorite: He's normal! And Dipper's just crazy!
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| Dipper
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(Takes the picture) That's not a theory, that doesn't count as a theory.
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| Mabel
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Ha ha ha! He he!
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| Dipper
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We find out now! (pants and goes into the Bowling alley) Hello, good sir!
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| Lefty
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Eh, I'm sorry, cameras aren't allowed in here.
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| Dipper
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Oh, it's not on. Not on. (Acts like he's turning off the camera but doesn't; whispering to the audience) He bought it! (To the lefty man) So, would you mind grabbing those bowling shoes for me? The ones on your right side?
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| Lefty
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Those ones? (Dipper nods and Lefty puts them on the counter without turning around)
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| Dipper
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Whoops! Oh no, I... dropped my wallet! (Throws wallet) It's over to your right there. Your right side. Could you maybe turn around and...
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| Lefty
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(Sighs and picks up wallet without turning around) There you are, sir.
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| Dipper
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Fine... Could you just get me my bowling ball?
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| Lefty
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I don't see why not.
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| Dipper
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(Follows him with camera)
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| Lefty
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(Mutters to himself) Let's see, looks like maybe it's in here...
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| Dipper
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Well, I was thinking it could be the... (Turns the man around and reveals the robot side) Ah ha! What the...?!
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| Fish Alien #1
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Guys!
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| Dipper
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(Zooms in on the fish aliens gasping, then on his and Mabel's reactions)
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| Fish Alien #2
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We're blown, shut it down! Shut it down!
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| Fish Aliens
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(Takes suicide pills) The time has come!
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| Fish Alien #2
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The time has come, brother!
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| Fish Alien #1
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I can't! I have a family!
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| Fish Alien #2
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You signed the oath! (Takes his pill)
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| Fish Alien #1
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(Takes pill)
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| Fish Alien #2
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(Screams)
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| Fish Aliens
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(Explode)
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The lefty robot collapses and explodes, and the fire sprinklers turn on.
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| Man #1
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Aw, come on!
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| Man #2
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The sprinklers are on!
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| Dipper
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(Running away, along with Mabel) Well, that concludes anomaly #82. Uh, I think we might want to burn this tape.
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