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Line 806: | Line 806: | ||
!Stan |
!Stan |
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|Get off me, you dumb pig! |
|Get off me, you dumb pig! |
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+ | |- |
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+ | ! |
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+ | |(The pterodactyl swoops down on Stan and Waddles, screeching.) |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Dipper |
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+ | | |
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+ | Look out! |
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+ | |- |
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+ | ! |
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+ | |(Everyone screams as the pterodactyl knocks Stan off the mining track and down into a deep chasm filled with prehistoric plants) |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Mabel |
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+ | |Oh no! |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Dipper |
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+ | |Stan! |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !SoosĀ |
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+ | |Mr. Pines! |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Stan |
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+ | |Aaaaaaaaugh! (bounces off an enourmous mushroom) Oof! Augh! (lands in a mud puddle) Ugh. |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Waddles |
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+ | |(grunting, rolling in the mud.) |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Stan |
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+ | | |
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+ | Yeah, you would enjoy this. (Yells as the pterodactyl steals his hat) Aaaaaah! Huh? |
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+ | |- |
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+ | ! |
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+ | |(The pterodactyl drops Stan's fez in front of Dipper, Mabel, and Soos, who are crouching terrified in the pterodactyl's nest. They gasp.) |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Mabel |
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+ | |Guys! We gotta save him! |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Dipper |
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+ | | |
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+ | McGucket, do you have an invention that can distract the pterodactyl? |
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+ | |- |
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+ | !Old Man McGucket |
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+ | |Do I!? (rummages around in hid hat for a few seconds) Nope. |
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|} |
|} |
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[[Category:Season 1 transcripts]] |
[[Category:Season 1 transcripts]] |
Revision as of 06:55, 24 August 2013
This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Land Before Swine." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
Previous: "Boyz Crazy" | Next: "Dreamscaperers" |
! | This transcript is under construction. Therefore, please excuse its informal appearance while it's being worked on. We hope to have it completed as soon as possible. |
(The episode begins with a car driving past a billboard with Gideon's face on it. Next to the billboard is Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs's squad car. The speed of the car diving by is 99 miles per hour, however, they are oblivious.) | |
Sheriff Blubs | Focus, Deputy. Remember your training. Easy... easy... |
Deputy Durland | (Tries to do a maze game) |
Sheriff Blubs | You're almost there! |
Deputy Durland | (Somehow skips the treasure chest and lands into the mouth of the shark) Dang it! I almost got the treasure! |
Sheriff Blubs | The time we spend together is treasure enough. (A rumbling starts) Hey, you feel that? |
(Huge claws come and rip the roof off the car) | |
Deputy Durland | Reckon' we should report that. |
Sheriff Blubs | Or go for a ride in our new convertible! |
Deputy Durland | Whoooooooooo! |
Sheriff Blubs | Yeaaaaaah! |
(They drive while a roar is heard and a Pterodactyl flies past the moon) | |
(Cuts to theme song) | |
(Cuts to Stan giving a tour on the Mystery Cart) | |
Stan | Ladies and gentleman! Continuing our Mystery Tour you'll see the world famous Outhouse of Mystery! I got stuck in there once! |
Boy | Could I go to the bathroom? |
Stan | Leave all questions until after the tour. |
Boy | (sigh) (a large bump is heard) (sighs again) |
Stan | And up ahead if you look really closely, everybody get your cameras you're gonna wanna see this. |
(Cuts to Mabel and Waddles looking out the window) | |
Mabel | Finally, Waddles, we have the whole house to ourselves! What do you think? Dance party? |
Waddles | (oinks) |
Mabel | I'm not hearing a no! (flips the sign from open to closed, turns on the volume of the radio, and the words "PIG DANCE PARTY" appear. Mabel dances by herself and with Waddles. They eat popsicles off the floor, Mabel squishes Waddles' face, they wear sunglasses and take pictures, eat books, and dance on the floor and table) |
Mabel | Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...yes.....yes. (falls on the ground and Waddles licks her fingers) Uh oh! Cuddle time! (Waddles comes over and cuddles with her) Waddles, can I tell you a secret? You're my most favorite pig in the whole world. (yawns and falls asleep) |
Stan | (Walks in) Heh heh. (trips over Mabel) Aah! Mabel? What are ya doing on the floor? |
Mabel | Being cute and great! (squishes her and Waddles' faces together) |
Stan | (Puts glasses on) And I thought your brother was weird. |
Mabel | No he's more like (puts on one of the hats Dipper wears and tries to mock his voice) Aaah! Let's solve a mystery! I kiss a pillow with Wendy's face drawn on it! |
Stan | Ha ha ha. That's pretty good. Kissing a pillow. |
Waddles | (Starts chewing on Stan's pants) |
Mabel | Go, go! Chew that pant leg! |
Stan | Ugh! (Raises his leg and Waddles tears off a piece of his pants) Alright! (opens window) Outside! Now! |
Mabel | No! Grunkle Stan! It's not safe for Waddles outside! There's predators! And barbecuers! |
Stan | That's just the natural order! It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious! |
Mabel | He should be inside like a person. |
Stan | People don't roll around in their own filth. Except for Soos. |
Mabel | And we're the lesser for it. Maybe we're the ones who should be put outside. Huh? Huh? Think about it! Hmph! (walks out of the gift shop) |
(cuts to Dipper and Soos in the forest, sitting in Soos's truck) | |
Dipper | Today's the day, Soos. Thanks for coming along on this mission |
Soos | (Sweats like crazy) Dude it's an honor. Today I'm sweating from heat and excitement! Hoo! (wipes off sweat) |
Dipper | There's something hiding in these woods. Something big enough to rip the roof off a car. If we get a photo of this thing we'll be heroes! |
Soos | Yeah we'll get all the babes. You'll be fending off smooches with a stick! (nudges Dipper) |
Dipper | Ha ha, shut up, man. (nudges Soos) |
Soos | With a stick, dude! |
Dipper | Here, give me a boost. |
(Cuts to Soos and Dipper tying 3 cameras to 3 trees. Soos slides down to a branch where Dipper is drinking Pitt Cola) | |
Soos | Oof! Got it. (slides down) Is sap supposed to be this sticky? (tries to get it off) |
(Shows a fly trapped in the sap) | |
Dipper | If everything goes according to plan, the creature will grab that steak, cross through the string, and set off cameras A, B, and C. |
Soos | And nothing can go wrong. High five! |
(Soos and Dipper high five but they get stuck) | |
Dipper | This was poorly planned... |
(A roar is heard, a wind rushes through, and the cameras take pictures rapidly. Soos and Dipper look at it and the steak is gone, and the ropes are broken. Dipper and Soos give each other a huge smile) | |
(Cuts to Mabel giving Waddles a sweater with her face on it) | |
TV | Hey you! |
Mabel | Me? |
TV | Sick of constantly dropping your baby? |
Man on TV | Yes. |
Bobby Renzobbi | Hi, I'm Bobby Renzobbi! And what you need is the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle! |
Man on TV | I can hold ten babies at once! |
Bobby | I know what you're thinking: Does it work for pigs? Ah ha ha, yeah it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!!! (A giant pig nose comes and oinks loudly) |
Mabel | (Gasp) Grunkle Stan! I'm off to get a Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle! |
Stan | Yeesh. Isn't knitting matching sweaters for that pig enough? |
Mabel | Nope. Anyway (picks up Waddles) I need you to look after this little gentleman while I'm gone. |
Waddles | (Eats a fly) |
Stan | Not now, kid, I got some tourists coming through. |
Mabel | Grunkle Stan, I know you're not crazy about Waddles. |
Stan | He's a fat, naked, jerk. |
Mabel | But you do care about me. Promise me you won't let him outside. (Tilts head and smiles) |
Stan | Fine, yeah yeah, I promise. |
Mabel | Thanks Grunkle Stan! (runs out of the house) |
Stan | I'm watching you, pig. (Points at Waddles) |
Waddles | (Touches Stan's finger) |
Stan | Ugh. |
(Dipper and Soos come in with the cameras) | |
Dipper | We did it! It tripped the wire! Somewhere in one of these cameras is a photo of that creature! I'll go develop the film. |
Soos | I'll go make some victory nachos. Dipper and Soos for life! (They fist bump and laugh. Then Dipper goes upstairs) |
Stan | And here, ladies and gentlemen, is our final exhibit, the most hideous creatures known to man! (He unveils a mirror. The tourists stare and laugh once they get the joke) |
Tourist | It's us. (more laughing) |
Stan | Right, right? We (laughs) we have fun here. But seriously, folks,(walks over to another exhibit) THIS is something. I present to you, a unicorn made OUT of corn, The Corn-i-corn! I- i don't know, I'm tired. |
(Stan unveils the corn-i-corn and they gasp, then frown as they see the destroyed mesh of wires.) | |
Stan | What the!? |
(Waddles is seen eating one of the pieces of corn.) | |
Tourist | What a rip off! Kids, we're leaving. (the kids drop their merchandise and the tourists leave) |
Stan |
No! Noooo! (He turns around to face Waddles) You!! |
(Waddles stares at him innocently and a piece of corn falls off his face) | |
(Dipper is seen in his bedroom, converted to a dark room for the film) | |
Dipper | C'mon, c'mon! Hmm... (he lifts up a picture of the pterodactyl's wing) That's a wing! If camera B got the wing, then the one that should have gotten the rest is... camera C! (He runs over to another picture being developed. The photo starts to appear) The creature! |
(Soos comes in, opening the door loudly) | |
Soos | Who wants victory nachos? |
(The picture of the creature fades away) | |
Dipper | NO! (Picks up the photo and frowns) |
Soos | Dude don't worry I only ate like a third of them. Half. (Starts laughing) I ate all of them, dude! |
(Cuts to Stan taking Waddles outside the Mystery Shack) | |
Stan | Just ten minutes without this pig in the house. (Starts tying Waddles to a peg) Is that so much to ask? (Hammers the peg to the ground) There. If Mabel asks, this never happened. (Places a bill in Waddles' rope) (mocks Mabel) Oh but Grunkle Stan it's not safe out there! There's predators! (stops mocking) Oh brother... |
(The creature comes out of nowhere in a gust of wind, and snatches Waddles. Stan turns around while Waddles screams loudly) (The creature turns in the opposite direction) | |
Dipper | I can't believe you, man! |
Soos | Sorry, dude, but, I was just so excited! Nachos cause excitement! |
Dipper | Soos, no offense, but you gotta be more careful sometimes. I mean, what are the odds we'll get another picture of... (The creature flies by) |
(Dipper and Soos run outside to see the creature. They see a trail of red yarn from Waddles' sweater through the woods.) | |
Soos | Dude, did you see that? That thing was a dinosaur, bro! |
Dipper | How is it possible that a dinosaur survived 65 million years? |
Soos | Did you see it, Mr. Pines?... Mr. Pines? |
Stan | It- it took him. |
Dipper | Took what? |
Stan | The pig! It took Waddles! |
Mabel | (rides up on bike) What did you say about Waddles? Oh. Woah. Awkward silence. (pause) BWAAAAH! |
Mabel | What's going on? Why are you standing around so awkwardly?... And where's Waddles? |
Stan | Um- uh- (hides the stake he used to tie Waddles to) The good news is, you're getting a puppy! |
Mabel | What happened? |
Stan | Well! See, uh, when the uh- |
Soos | Your pig got eaten by a pteredactyl, bro! |
Mabel | What!? Waddles! Waddles! Oh no, how did this happen? Grunkle Stan, you didn't put him outside?... |
Stan | What? No! I didn't put him anywhere! I'm not acting suspicious! YOU'RE acting suspicious. Uh, what's a pig? |
Dipper | Then... what happened? |
Stan | Uh, look, it went down like this, see? So there I was, in the living room... |
(crossfade to fantasy sequence where Stan is lovingly caring for Waddles) | |
Stan | ... tenderly nursing him on only the richest of cream when all of a sudden- |
(Pterodactyl bursts through the door and roars. It grabs Waddles out of Stan's arms.) | |
Stan | So I said, (imagining growing huge muscles and tearing off his shirt) No dice, cowboy! and I started punching him right in the face! But he played dirty... |
(pterodactyl pokes Stan in the eyes) | |
Stan | It really happened! (in his imagination) Why? Why couldn't you have taken me!?' (starts crying) |
(crossfade back to reality, where he is pretending to cry) | |
Mabel | Oh, Grunkle Stan, you tried to save him! (gives Stan a hug) |
Stan | Uh, yeah! I'm a great man, alright. |
Dipper | You punched the pteredactyl in the face? I thought you didn't even beleive in the supernatural. |
Stan | Dinosaurs aren't magic, they're just big lizards! (to Mabel) Get off my back. |
Mabel | Oh, Waddles. |
Dipper | That's it. No pterodactyl is gonna mess with MY sister. We're gonna go out there, catch him, and save your pig! For Mabel, guys! |
Soos | For Mabel! |
Stan | But how do we even find the little guy? |
Mabel | (gasps) Follow that! (points to the yarn trail from Waddles' sweater) |
Dipper & Soos | Yes! Yeah! That's genius! |
Stan | Or, you know, we could just call it a day, maybe hit the pool haul, or- (stops as everyone stares at him) Yeah! Let's go... save Wobbles! |
Mabel | Waddles. |
Stan | Him too. |
(Cuts to Soos spraypainting the words PTERODACTYL MOBILE on the side of a pickup truck) | |
Soos | All right! That p-terodactyl (pronounces the t) won't know what hit him! |
Dipper | Ha! It's pterodactyl. |
Soos | Actually, no one knows how to pronounce it because nobody was alive back in dinosaur days, so uh... (straps cage to truck and nearly gets run over) Woah! Almost ran over my own head there! (laughs) Wow. |
Dipper | Mabel. We've got to talk. This is a really high-stakes mission and I'm a little worried about Soos coming along on this one. I love the guy, but sometimes he messes stuff up. |
Mabel | What? Since when? |
(Cuts to Soos sweeping in the Mystery Shack. He knocks over a crystal ball, which shatters.) | |
Soos |
Sorry, dude. |
(Cuts to Soos putting in a window. It falls out and breaks.) | |
Soos |
Sorry, dude. |
(Cuts to Mabel and Dipper in their room. There is a fairy outside the window) | |
Mabel | Look! A fairy! |
Dipper | Woah! |
(A flyswatter comes up and squishes the fairy. Soos' face appears). | |
Soos | (laughing) Oh, sorry dudes, I killed that fairy! |
(Cuts back to the present where Dipper and Mabel are staring at eachother) | |
Mabel | Let him know how you feel. (Watches Dipper go to talk to Soos) |
Soos | This is so great! You and me, bro. Best friends. Fighting and potentially high-fiving dinosaurs... |
Dipper | Soos, look. I, uh, I've gotta tell you something. |
Soos | Okay. But before you do, check out these matching shirts I made for us! (points to shirt) Who's this guy right here? You! Totally you, dude. And these rays indicate friendship! |
Soos |
What was it you were going to tell me again? |
Dipper | Uh... p-terodactyl here we come! Uh, ha ha... |
Soos | Yes! |
Dipper |
(sighs) |
Soos | Go for those dinos! |
Mabel |
(pull up to abandoned church) Okay, the red yarn leads to... |
Old Man McGucket |
Doodly doo do Doo do! |
Mabel |
Old Man McGucket!? |
Old Man McGucket |
Howdy, friends! |
Dipper | What are YOU doing out here? |
Old Man McGucket | You'll never beleive me! Now I was doin' my hourly hootnanny- Deedly doo ding dang! (does dance) |
Stan | Ugh, this guy. |
Old Man McGucket | When this enormous wing-ly critter stole my musical spoons and flew lickety-split into the abandoned mines down yonder! |
(everyone looks down into the mines and gasps) | |
Stan | Looks kinda hairy down there. |
Mabel | C'mon, Grunkle Stan, you can handle it! You punched a pterodactyl in the face, remember? |
Stan | Oh yeah! Heh heh, I did do that, didn't I. Heh... heh heh heh... |
Old Man McGucket | My! What suspicious laughter! |
Mabel | Guys, we're going in. |
Old Man McGucket | Want anyone to tag along and tell weird personal stories? |
Stan | No thanks. |
(Cut to everyone, including Old Man McGucket, climbing down a rope into the depths of the mine) | |
Old Man McGucket | So there I am, fighting a raccoon for the same piece of meat, when our mouths get close and we kiss accidentally! |
Stan | (sighs) You can't take a hint, can you. |
Old Man McGucket | Nope! |
(Shows rope fraying through, then breaking, spilling everyone to the ground below) | |
Dipper | Whoa. |
(All) | (gasp, whisper in surprise) |
Dipper | These plants look all Jurrasic-y. |
Soos | Huh! This little guy smells like battery acid! (Plant coughs acid into his face) Aaaugh! Looks like I lost my sense of smell, ha ha ha! |
Mabel | (Looking at picture of herself and Waddles) Oh, Waddles. We're gonna find you. |
(They walk into a tunnel, where Dipper's lantern light falls on a petrified T. Rex and everyone screams, then calms down and gasps at all the dinosaurs.) | |
Dipper | They're trapped inside the tree sap! That's how they survived for 65 million years! (Sees a sap pile with a pterodactyl-shaped hole) Whoa. The summer heat must be melting them loose! |
Stan | Holy moley! Forget the cornicorn, this is the attraction of a lifetime! I could bring people down here and turn this into some sort of theme park! Jurrasic... Sap Hole! |
Soos | Uh, dudes... (points to a velociraptor that has worked one single claw out of the sap and is slowly working on a hand) |
Dipper | Maybe... we should keep moving. |
Stan | This could be a gold mine! Velvety-rope type deal there, ticket booth here, ha! I should have put that pig outside ages ago! |
Mabel | Wait- what did you just say? |
Stan | Hm? What's that? |
Mabel | You said the dinosaur flew INTO the house. (gasps) |
Stan | No! Wait, uh, if you think about it- |
Mabel | You put Waddles outside and you lied to me about it! Now thanks to you my pig could be dead! WADDLES COULD BE DEAD! |
Stan | Look, he's an animal. He belongs outside! |
Mabel | No- that's it. Grunkle Stan, I am never ever speaking to you again! |
Stan | Look, you can't be serious. |
Mabel | Oh, is someone talking right now? 'Cus I can't hear them! |
Stan | Kid! |
Mabel | LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear anyone! No one's talking to me! |
Soos | Guys, guys, don't fight! Why can't you be more like me and Dipper! Look, everything's gonna be cool. All we gotta do to find the pig is follow this here yarn! (Wraps yarn into a ball, then realizes he has just reached the end) Just keep following and following, until we reach the end! Oh- uh oh. (Stares into the network of mine shafts) Which- which cave was it again? |
Dipper | Arghhh! Soos, you lost the trail! |
Soos | Oh, don't worry. We'll find our way, TRUST me. |
(Soos whacks Dipper playfully on the back, causing the lantern Dipper is holding to fly out of his hands and break.) | |
Soos | ...Sorry, dude. |
Dipper | Ugh! That's it! See, this is why I didn't want to bring you along! |
Soos | Look! -What -what do you mean? |
Dipper | I MEAN, this is really important to Mabel, and you keep screwing everything up! You ruined my photograph, and now you got us hopelessly lost! |
Soos | But we're the p-terodactyl bros! I made us the t-shirts! |
Dipper | Pronounced pterodactyl! And these shirts are useless, they're gigantic! |
Soos | I have a different body type, dude! |
Dipper | Oh, so it's my fault? |
(The whole group deteriorates into argument as Mabel and Stan start fighting again.) | |
Old Man McGucket | Hey! Cheer up, fellas! I fixed your lantern! (Everyone stares at Old Man McGucket in horror as they realize that he is standing underneath the pterodactyl) |
All | AAAAAAAAUGH! |
Old Man McGucket | (pause) AAAAAAAAUGH! Heh heh. What- what're we doing? |
(commercial break) | |
Old Man McGucket | (turns around and sees the pterodactyl) Hmm? Oh. Nobody make any sudden movements or loud noises. (pause) YEEEEEEHAW! We found a pterodactyl! |
(The pterodactyl shreiks and starts chasing the gang down the narrow tunnel on all fours. It gets caught for a couple of seconds in a doorway, allowing them to hide behind some rocks before the pterodactyl comes.) | |
Dipper | Guys, we need a plan to get out of here. |
Stan | Okay, okay. How about Mabel gets Soos a pig costume- |
Soos | I like it! |
Stan | ...and we use Soos as a human sacrifice! |
Soos | I like it! |
Stan | What do you say, Mabel? |
Mabel | Hmph. |
Stan | Hah, come on, you can't stop talking to me forever. |
Dipper | Yeah, Mabel, we have to work together here. |
Soos | Oh, what, you want to work with Mabel but not you buddy, Soos. |
(Soos, Dipper, Stan start to argue to each other.) | |
Waddles | WHONK! WHONK! |
Mabel | Wait, did you hear that? |
(Mabel see Waddles in a nest) | |
Mabel | Waddles! |
(Mabel smiles and runs to the nest.) | |
Soos | Oh, wait, kid. |
Dipper | Mabel! |
Stan | Are you nuts? |
Mabel | Oh, is someone speaking? Because I can't hear anything! |
Old Man McGucket | Oh no! She's gone deaf with fear! |
Dipper | Mabel, come back here! |
(Everyone runs onto the mining cart track over to the nest) | |
Mabel | Waddles! |
Waddles | (Grunts) |
Mabel |
Oh, my Waddles! I'll never lose you again! (Rubs her face against Waddles) |
Dipper | (voice trembling as he notices the huge pile of human bones next to Mabel) Uh... Mabel? |
Mabel |
(to Waddles) Shh. You're safe now. |
Dipper |
Mabel, quick! We gotta- we gotta get out of here! |
(A huge shadow passes overhead and Waddles squeals in terror) | |
Waddles | WHOOONNNKK! |
(Waddles immediately runs away) | |
Mabel | Waddles! Wait |
(Waddles keep running) | |
Waddles | WHOONK!WHOONK! |
Stan | Hah? |
(Waddles jumps into Stan) | |
Stan | Ah! |
Waddles | WHOONK!WHOONK! |
Stan | Get off me, you dumb pig! |
(The pterodactyl swoops down on Stan and Waddles, screeching.) | |
Dipper |
Look out! |
(Everyone screams as the pterodactyl knocks Stan off the mining track and down into a deep chasm filled with prehistoric plants) | |
Mabel | Oh no! |
Dipper | Stan! |
Soos | Mr. Pines! |
Stan | Aaaaaaaaugh! (bounces off an enourmous mushroom) Oof! Augh! (lands in a mud puddle) Ugh. |
Waddles | (grunting, rolling in the mud.) |
Stan |
Yeah, you would enjoy this. (Yells as the pterodactyl steals his hat) Aaaaaah! Huh? |
(The pterodactyl drops Stan's fez in front of Dipper, Mabel, and Soos, who are crouching terrified in the pterodactyl's nest. They gasp.) | |
Mabel | Guys! We gotta save him! |
Dipper |
McGucket, do you have an invention that can distract the pterodactyl? |
Old Man McGucket | Do I!? (rummages around in hid hat for a few seconds) Nope. |