Gravity Falls Wiki
Register
Gravity Falls Wiki
No edit summary
No edit summary
Line 665: Line 665:
 
!
 
!
 
|(The whole group deteriorates into argument as Mabel and Stan start fighting again.)
 
|(The whole group deteriorates into argument as Mabel and Stan start fighting again.)
  +
|-
  +
!Old Man McGucket
  +
|Hey! Cheer up, fellas! I fixed your lantern! (Everyone stares at Old Man McGucket in horror as they realize that he is standing underneath the pterodactyl)
  +
|-
  +
!All
  +
|AAAAAAAAUGH!
  +
|-
  +
!Old Man McGucket
  +
|(pause) AAAAAAAAUGH! Heh heh. What- what're we doing?
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|(commercial break)
  +
|-
  +
!Old Man McGucket
  +
|(turns around and sees the pterodactyl) Hmm? Oh.Ā Nobody make any sudden movements or loud noises. (pause)Ā  YEEEEEEHAW! We found a pterodactyl!
  +
|-
  +
!
  +
|(The pterodactyl shreiks and starts chasing the gang down the narrow tunnel on all fours. It gets caught for a couple of seconds in a doorway, allowing them to hide behind some rocks before the pterodactyl comes.)
  +
|-
  +
!Dipper
  +
|Guys, we need a plan to get out of here.
  +
|-
  +
!Stan
  +
|Okay, okay. How about Mabel gets Soos a pig costume-
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|I like it!
  +
|-
  +
!Stan
  +
|...and we use Soos as a human sacrifice!
  +
|-
  +
!Soos
  +
|I like it!
  +
|-
  +
!Stan
  +
|What do you say, Mabel?
  +
|-
  +
!Mabel
  +
|Hmph.
 
|}
 
|}
 
[[Category:Season 1 transcripts]]
 
[[Category:Season 1 transcripts]]

Revision as of 03:49, 5 August 2013

Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Land Before Swine." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Boyz Crazy" Next: "Dreamscaperers"
! This transcript is under construction. Therefore, please excuse its informal appearance while it's being worked on. We hope to have it completed as soon as possible.
(The episode begins with a car driving past a billboard with Gideon's face on it. Next to the billboard is Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs's squad car. The speed of the car diving by is 99 miles per hour, however, they are oblivious.)
Sheriff Blubs Focus, Deputy. Remember your training. Easy... easy...
Deputy Durland (Tries to do a maze game)
Sheriff Blubs You're almost there!
Deputy Durland (Somehow skips the treasure chest and lands into the mouth of the shark) Dang it! I almost got the treasure!
Sheriff Blubs The time we spend together is treasure enough. (A rumbling starts) Hey, you feel that?
(Huge claws come and rip the roof off the car)
Deputy Durland Reckon' we should report that.
Sheriff Blubs Or go for a ride in our new convertible!
Deputy Durland Whooooooooo!
Sheriff Blubs Yeaaaaaah!
(They drive while a roar is heard and a Pterodactyl flies past the moon)
(Cuts to theme song)
(Cuts to Stan giving a tour on the Mystery Cart)
Stan Ladies and gentleman! Continuing our Mystery Tour you'll see the world famous Outhouse of Mystery! I got stuck in there once!
Boy Could I go to the bathroom?
Stan Leave all questions until after the tour.
Boy (sigh) (a large bump is heard) (sighs again)
Stan And up ahead if you look really closely, everybody get your cameras you're gonna wanna see this.
(Cuts to Mabel and Waddles looking out the window)
Mabel Finally, Waddles, we have the whole house to ourselves! What do you think? Dance party?
Waddles (oinks)
Mabel I'm not hearing a no! (flips the sign from open to closed, turns on the volume of the radio, and the words "PIG DANCE PARTY" appear. Mabel dances by herself and with Waddles. They eat popsicles off the floor, Mabel squishes Waddles' face, they wear sunglasses and take pictures, eat books, and dance on the floor and table)
Mabel Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...yes.....yes. (falls on the ground and Waddles licks her fingers) Uh oh! Cuddle time! (Waddles comes over and cuddles with her) Waddles, can I tell you a secret? You're my favorite pig in the whole world. (yawns and falls asleep)
Stan (Walks in) Heh heh. (trips over Mabel) Aah! Mabel? What are ya doing on the floor?
Mabel Being cute and great! (squishes her and Waddles' faces together)
Stan (Puts glasses on) And I thought your brother was weird.
Mabel No he's more like (puts on one of the hats Dipper wears and tries to mock his voice) Aaah! Let's solve a mystery! I kiss a pillow with Wendy's face drawn on it!
Stan Ha ha ha. That's pretty good. Kissing a pillow.
Waddles (Starts chewing on Stan's pants)
Mabel Go, go! Chew that pant leg!
Stan Uh! (Raises his leg and Waddles tears off a piece of his pants) Alright! (opens window) Outside! Now!
Mabel No! Grunkle Stan! It's not safe for Waddles outside! There's predators! And barbecuers!
Stan That's just the natural order. It's not my fault your pig's potentially delicious.
Mabel He should be inside like a person.
Stan People don't roll around in their own filth. Except for Soos.
Mabel And we're the lesser for it. Maybe we're the ones who should be put outside. Huh? Huh? Think about it! Hmph! (walks out of the gift shop)
(cuts to Dipper and Soos in the forest, sitting in Soos's truck)
Dipper Today's the day, Soos. Thanks for coming along on this mission
Soos (Sweats like crazy) Dude it's an honor. Today I'm sweating from heat and excitement! Hoo! (wipes off sweat)
Dipper There's something hiding in these woods. Something big enough to rip the roof off a car. If we get a photo of this thing we'll be heroes!
Soos Yeah we'll get all the babes. You'll be fending off smooches with a stick! (nudges Dipper)
Dipper Ha ha, shut up, man. (nudges Soos)
Soos With a stick, dude!
Dipper Here, give me a boost.
(Cuts to Soos and Dipper tying 3 cameras to 3 trees. Soos slides down to a branch where Dipper is drinking Pitt Cola)
Soos Oof! Got it. (slides down) Is sap supposed to be this sticky? (tries to get it off)
(Shows a fly trapped in the sap)
Dipper If everything goes according to plan, the creature will grab that steak, cross through the string, and set off cameras A, B, and C.
Soos And nothing can go wrong. High five!
(Soos and Dipper high five but they get stuck)
Dipper This was poorly planned...
(A roar is heard, a wind rushes through, and the cameras take pictures rapidly. Soos and Dipper look at it and the steak is gone, and the ropes are broken. Dipper and Soos give each other a huge smile)
(Cuts to Mabel giving Waddles a sweater with her face on it)
TV Hey you!
Mabel Me?
TV Sick of constantly dropping your baby?
Man on TV Yes.
Bobby Renzobbi Hi, I'm Bobby Renzobbi! And what you need is the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!
Man on TV I can hold ten babies at once!
Bobby I know what you're thinking: Does it work for pigs? Ah ha ha, yeah it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig's heartbeat next to yours! IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!!! (A giant pig nose comes and oinks loudly)
Mabel (Gasp) Grunkle Stan! I'm off to get a Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!
Stan Yeesh. Isn't knitting matching sweaters for that pig enough?
Mabel Nope. Anyway (picks up Waddles) I need you to look after this little gentleman while I'm gone.
Waddles (Eats a fly)
Stan Not now, kid, I got some tourists coming through.
Mabel Grunkle Stan, I know you're not crazy about Waddles.
Stan He's a fat, naked jerk.
Mabel But you do care about me. Promise me you won't let him outside. (Tilts head and smiles)
Stan Fine, yeah yeah, I promise.
Mabel Thanks Grunkle Stan! (runs out of the house)
Stan I'm watching you, pig. (Points at Waddles)
Waddles (Touches Stan's finger)
Stan Ugh.
(Dipper and Soos come in with the cameras)
Dipper We did it! It tripped the wire! Somewhere in one of these cameras is a photo of that creature! I'll go develop the film.
Soos I'll go make some victory nachos. Dipper and Soos for life! (They fist bump and laugh. Then Dipper goes upstairs)
Stan And here, ladies and gentlemen, is our final exhibit, the most hideous creatures known to man! (He unveils a mirror. The tourists stare and laugh once they get the joke)
Tourist It's us. (more laughing)
Stan Right, right? We (laughs) we have fun here. But seriously, folks,(walks over to another exhibit) THIS is something. I present to you, a unicorn made OUT of corn, The Corn-i-corn! I- i don't know, I'm tired.
(Stan unveils the corn-i-corn and they gasp, then frown as they see the destroyed mesh of wires.)
Stan What the!?
(Waddles is seen eating one of the pieces of corn.)
Tourist What a rip off! Kids, we're leaving. (the kids drop their merchandise and the tourists leave)
Stan

No! Noooo! (He turns around to face Waddles) You!!

(Waddles stares at him innocently and a piece of corn falls off his face)
(Dipper is seen in his bedroom, converted to a dark room for the film)
Dipper C'mon, c'mon! Hmm... (he lifts up a picture of the pterodactyl's wing) That's a wing! If camera B got the wing, then the one that should have gotten the rest is... camera C! (He runs over to another picture being developed. The photo starts to appear) The creature!
(Soos comes in, opening the door loudly)
Soos Who wants victory nachos?
(The picture of the creature fades away)
Dipper NO! (Picks up the photo and frowns)
Soos Dude don't worry I only ate like a third of them. Half. (Starts laughing) I ate all of them, dude!
(Cuts to Stan taking Waddles outside the Mystery Shack)
Stan Just ten minutes without this pig in the house. (Starts tying Waddles to a peg) Is that so much to ask? (Hammers the peg to the ground) There. If Mabel asks, this never happened. (Places a bill in Waddles' rope) (mocks Mabel) Oh but Grunkle Stan it's not safe out there! There's predators! (stops mocking) Oh brother...

(The creature comes out of nowhere in a gust of wind, and snatches Waddles. Stan turns around while Waddles screams loudly) (The creature turns in the opposite direction)

Dipper I can't believe you, man!
Soos Sorry, dude, but, I was just so excited! Nachos cause excitement!
Dipper Soos, no offense, but you gotta be more careful sometimes. I mean, what are the odds we'll get another picture of... (The creature flies by)
(Dipper and Soos run outside to see the creature. They see a trail of red yarn from Waddles' sweater through the woods.)
Soos  Dude, did you see that? That thing was a dinosaur, bro!
Dipper How is it possible that a dinosaur survived 65 million years?
Soos Did you see it, Mr. Pines?... Mr. Pines?
Stan It- it took him.
Dipper Took what?
Stan The pig! It took Waddles!
Mabel (rides up on bike) What did you say about Waddles? Oh. Woah. Awkward silence. (pause) BWAAAAH!
Mabel What's going on? Why are you standing around so awkwardly?... And where's Waddles?
Stan Um- uh- (hides the stake he used to tie Waddles to) The good news is, you're getting a puppy!
Mabel  What happened?
Stan Well! See, uh, when the uh-
Soos Your pig got eaten by a pteredactyl, bro!
Mabel What!? Waddles! Waddles! Oh no, how did this happen? Grunkle Stan, you didn't put him outside?...
Stan What? No! I didn't put him anywhere! I'm not acting suspicious! YOU'RE acting suspicious. Uh, what's a pig?
Dipper Then... what happened?
Stan Uh, look, it went down like this, see? So there I was, in the living room...
(crossfade to fantasy sequence where Stan is lovingly caring for Waddles)
Stan ... tenderly nursing him on only the richest of cream when all of a sudden-
(Pterodactyl bursts through the door and roars. It grabs Waddles out of Stan's arms.)
Stan So I said, (imagining growing huge muscles and tearing off his shirt) No dice, cowboy! and I started punching him right in the face! But he played dirty...
(pterodactyl pokes Stan in the eyes)
Stan It really happened! (in his imagination) Why? Why couldn't you have taken me!?' (starts crying)
(crossfade back to reality, where he is pretending to cry)
Mabel Oh, Grunkle Stan, you tried to save him! (gives Stan a hug)
Stan Uh, yeah! I'm a great man, alright.
Dipper You punched the pteredactyl in the face? I thought you didn't even beleive in the supernatural.
Stan Dinosaurs aren't magic, they're just big lizards! (to Mabel) Get off my back.
Mabel Oh, Waddles.
Dipper  That's it. No pterodactyl is gonna mess with MY sister. We're gonna go out there, catch him, and save your pig! For Mabel, guys!
Soos For Mabel!
Stan But how do we even find the little guy?
Mabel (gasps) Follow that! (points to the yarn trail from Waddles' sweater)
Dipper & Soos Yes! Yeah! That's genius!
Stan Or, you know, we could just call it a day, maybe hit the pool haul, or- (stops as everyone stares at him) Yeah! Let's go... save Wobbles!
Mabel Waddles.
Stan Him too.
(Cuts to Soos spraypainting the words PTERODACTYL MOBILE on the side of a pickup truck)
Soos All right! That p-terodactyl (pronounces the t) won't know what hit him!
Dipper Ha! It's pterodactyl.
Soos Actually, no one knows how to pronounce it because nobody was alive back in dinosaur days, so uh... (straps cage to truck and nearly gets run over) Woah! Almost ran over my own head there! (laughs) Wow.
Dipper Mabel. We've got to talk. This is a really high-stakes mission and I'm a little worried about Soos coming along on this one. I love the guy, but sometimes he messes stuff up.
Mabel What? Since when?
(Cuts to Soos sweeping in the Mystery Shack. He knocks over a crystal ball, which shatters.)
Soos

Sorry, dude.

(Cuts to Soos putting in a window. It falls out and breaks.)
Soos

Sorry, dude.

(Cuts to Mabel and Dipper in their room. There is a fairy outside the window)
Mabel Look! A fairy!
Dipper Woah!
(A flyswatter comes up and squishes the fairy. Soos' face appears).
Soos (laughing) Oh, sorry dudes, I killed that fairy!
(Cuts back to the present where Dipper and Mabel are staring at eachother)
Mabel Let him know how you feel. (Watches Dipper go to talk to Soos)
Soos This is so great! You and me, bro. Best friends. Fighting and potentially high-fiving dinosaurs...
Dipper Soos, look. I, uh, I've gotta tell you something.
Soos Okay. But before you do, check out these matching shirts I made for us! (points to shirt) Who's this guy right here? You! Totally you, dude. And these rays indicate friendship!
Soos

What was it you were going to tell me again?

Dipper Uh... p-terodactyl here we come! Uh, ha ha...
Soos Yes!
Dipper

(sighs)

Soos Go for those dinos!
Mabel

(pull up to abandoned church) Okay, the red yarn leads to...

Old Man McGucket

Doodly doo do Doo do!

Mabel

Old Man McGucket!?

Old Man McGucket

Howdy, friends!

Dipper What are YOU doing out here?
Old Man McGucket You'll never beleive me! Now I was doin' my hourly hootnanny- Deedly doo ding dang! (does dance)
Stan Ugh, this guy.
Old Man McGucket When this enormous wing-ly critter stole my musical spoons and flew lickety-split into the abandoned mines down yonder!

(everyone looks down into the mines and gasps)

Stan Looks kinda hairy down there.
Mabel C'mon, Grunkle Stan, you can handle it! You punched a pterodactyl in the face, remember?
Stan Oh yeah! Heh heh, I did do that, didn't I. Heh... heh heh heh...
Old Man McGucket My! What suspicious laughter!
Mabel Guys, we're going in.
Old Man McGucket Want anyone to tag along and tell weird personal stories?
Stan No thanks.
(Cut to everyone, including Old Man McGucket, climbing down a rope into the depths of the mine)
Old Man McGucket So there I am, fighting a raccoon for the same piece of meat, when our mouths get close and we kiss accidentally!
Stan (sighs) Yu can't take a hint, can you.
Old Man McGucket Nope!
(Shows rope fraying through, then breaking, spilling everyone to the ground below)
Dipper Woah.
(All) (gasp, whisper in surprise)
Dipper These plants look all Jurrasic-y.
Soos Huh! This little guy smells like battery acid! (Plant coughs acid into his face) Aaaugh! Looks like I lost my sense of smell, ha ha ha!
Mabel (Looking at picture of herself and Waddles) Oh, Waddles. We're gonna find you.
(They walk into a tunnel, where Dipper's lantern light falls on a petrified T. Rex and everyone screams, then calms down and gasps at all the dinosaurs.)
Dipper They're trapped inside the tree sap! That's how they survived for 65 million years! (Sees a sap pile with a pterodactyl-shaped hole) Woah. The summer heat must be melting them loose!
Stan Holy moley! Forget the cornicorn, this is the attraction of a lifetime! I could bring people down here and turn this into some sort of theme park! Jurrasic... Sap Hole!
Soos Uh, dudes... (points to a velociraptor that has worked one single claw out of the sap and is slowly working on a hand)
Dipper Maybe... we should keep moving.
Stan This could be a gold mine! Velvety-rope type deal there, ticket booth here, ha! I should have put that pig outside ages ago!
Mabel Wait- what did you just say?
Stan Hm? What's that?
Mabel You said the dinosaur flew INTO the house. (gasps)
Stan No! Wait, uh, if you think about it-
Mabel You put Waddles outside and you lied to me about it! Now thanks to you my pig could be dead! WADDLES COULD BE DEAD!
Stan Look, he's an animal. He belongs outside!
Mabel No- that's it. Grunkle Stan, I am never ever speaking to you again!
Stan Look, you can't be serious.
Mabel Oh, is someone talking right now? 'Cus I can't hear them!
Stan Kid!
Mabel LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear anyone! No one's talking to me!
Soos Guys, guys, don't fight! Why can't you be more like me and Dipper! Look, everything's gonna be cool. All we gotta do to find the pig is follow this here yarn! (Wraps yarn into a ball, then realizes he has just reached the end) Just keep following and following, until we reach the end! Oh- uh oh. (Stares into the network of mine shafts) Which- which cave was it again?
Dipper Arghhh! Soos, you lost the trail!
Soos Oh, don't worry. We'll find our way, TRUST me.
(Soos whacks Dipper playfully on the back, causing the lantern Dipper is holding to fly out of his hands and break.)
Soos ...Sorry, dude.
Dipper Ugh! That's it! See, this is why I didn't want to bring you along!
Soos Look! -What -what do you mean?
Dipper I MEAN, this is really important to Mabel, and you keep screwing everything up! You ruined my photograph, and now you got us hopelessly lost!
Soos But we're the p-terodactyl bros! I made us the t-shirts!
Dipper Pronounced pterodactyl! And these shirts are useless, they're gigantic!
Soos I have a different body type, dude!
Dipper Oh, so it's my fault?
(The whole group deteriorates into argument as Mabel and Stan start fighting again.)
Old Man McGucket Hey! Cheer up, fellas! I fixed your lantern! (Everyone stares at Old Man McGucket in horror as they realize that he is standing underneath the pterodactyl)
All AAAAAAAAUGH!
Old Man McGucket (pause) AAAAAAAAUGH! Heh heh. What- what're we doing?
(commercial break)
Old Man McGucket (turns around and sees the pterodactyl) Hmm? Oh. Nobody make any sudden movements or loud noises. (pause)  YEEEEEEHAW! We found a pterodactyl!
(The pterodactyl shreiks and starts chasing the gang down the narrow tunnel on all fours. It gets caught for a couple of seconds in a doorway, allowing them to hide behind some rocks before the pterodactyl comes.)
Dipper Guys, we need a plan to get out of here.
Stan Okay, okay. How about Mabel gets Soos a pig costume-
Soos I like it!
Stan ...and we use Soos as a human sacrifice!
Soos I like it!
Stan What do you say, Mabel?
Mabel Hmph.