Into the Bunker/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Into the Bunker." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Scary-oke"

Next: "The Golf War"

	Episode starts at Wendy's house, where Dipper and Wendy are watching Nearly Almost Dead But Not Quite!
Trixandra	What do we do, Chadley? I thought they were dead!
Chadley	Far worse Trixandra! They're... Nearly Almost Dead But Not Quite!
Trixandra	(Screams)
Dipper Pines	Man, these movies are a lot less scary when you actually fought real zombies.
Wendy Corduroy	(To the TV:) They're slow! Just power-walk away from them!
Dipper	(Pokes Wendy with his elbow) How much you want to bet that guy dies first?
TV	(Chomping noise)
Chadley	Aah! My face is being eaten a lot!
Wendy and Dipper	(Laugh)
Wendy	Chadley ain't pretty no more.
	(Wendy's phone buzzes)
Wendy	One second. (Grabs phone) Ugh, another text from Robbie!
Dipper	Oh, yeah! Robbie. How's, uh, how's all that going? (Making circles with his finger)
Wendy	Ugh, I'm over him, I just wish he was over me! Just look at these texts. (Shows Dipper her phone) Winky frown? What does that even mean?
Dipper	And you're not... (Cough) not like, seeing any other guys or...
Wendy	Of course I am, meet my new boyfriend, dude. (Hugs plush walrus)
Dipper	(Laughs) Right, right. (Nervous laugh) So, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to maybe if, you know, you and me, whatever. I mean if maybe you (Grimaces) wanted to join me and Mabel on this mystery hunt? Tomorrow? Conspiracy stuff and all that?
Wendy	Yeah, dude. I love doing all that junk with friends. (To TV:) Yo Chadley, watch out!
Dipper	Yeah, that's what we are. (Looks at a note he had written about confessing his crush on Wendy) That's all we'll ever be. (Crumples it up, lies back on Wendy's bed) Friends.
Wendy	Dude, you're laying on my bra.
Dipper	Hu—? (Screams)
	Cut to theme song.
	Workmen are fixing up the nearly destroyed Mystery Shack.
Stan Pines	Hey, easy with that, it's genuine plastic! And repave the cracks in the parking lot while you're at it! (Looking into chasm) I don't want my car falling into China!
Workman	Mr. Pines, what exactly caused all this damage? I need to write a report.
Stan	Uhhh, big woodpecker.
	Gift shop sign falls over.
Stan	Keep the change. (Stuffs several bills into the workman's front pocket) ...I'm winking under my eye patch.
Workman	Works for me.
Stan	(Lifts his eye patch, looks around) Now where'd those kids run off to?
	(Dipper, Mabel, and Soos are standing around the tree that contained Journal 3)
Dipper	(Taps a pen on his lantern) Thank you all for coming.
Mabel Pines	Hey, when there's a mystery, you can count on your sister...-Ey.
Soos Ramirez	(Laughs) That's an amazing rhyme. When you want some, good... When you need a Soos, you... Oh oh, gosh, I don't know.
Dipper	We're here to solve the number one mystery in Gravity Falls; who wrote this journal?! Thirty years ago the author vanished without a trace. But according to this new clue, (Turns on portable black light) we may have found his secret hiding place. (The black light reveals hidden drawings on the page) We find that author, we learn the answers to everything. We just need to figure out a way to get down there.
Wendy	Chop it down, dudes! (Arrives on bike, rings bell)
Mabel	Wendy!
Dipper	Oh, hey! You came.
Wendy	Dude, I'm so stoked about this. I've been wanting to go adventuring with you guys. Sure beats picking up after my dad at home.
	Cut to Manly Dan at home.
Manly Dan	(Repeatedly hits his head on the low ceiling and knocks down a beam) Ow!, Ow! Ow! Who put that wall there? Ow!
	Cut back to the gang.
Wendy	Thanks for the invite, man!
Dipper	(Flustered:) Of course, anytime you wanna.. I, we're always... Us.
Mabel	Uh oh! (Pokes Dipper) Inviting Wendy on our mission? Me thinks there's romance afoot!
Dipper	No, look I've thought this through and I'm over Wendy. I've looked at it from every angle, and that thing was going nowhere. I know what matters to me now, and it's finding the author of this journal.
Mabel	Hah! YOU'RE over Wendy?! Allow me to put on my "skepticals." (Makes circles around her eyes with her fingers) Whooop!
Dipper	I've moved on, Mabel. You should too.
Mabel	Skepticals...
Wendy	Hey, is it just me, or does that branch kinda look like a lever?
	Dipper turns his back on the tree. Wendy uses her belt to start climbing up the tree.
Dipper	Huh, yeah. But how do we get up there...? It seems we'd need like a ladder, or like, ladder shoes... Yeah, ladder shoes. I'll get Soos to draw up a prototype.
Wendy	(At the lever-branch now, pulls an ax out of her belt, swings it around and hits the lever) Boosh.
Soos	Whoa ho-ho!
Mabel	(Gasps) Wow!
Wendy	Oh yeah, my dad used to make me compete in these lumberjack games when I was a kid. Guess I kinda ruled at it.
	The tree begins shaking. Three crows fly away.
Wendy	Whoa, what is that? (Falls down, screaming)
	At the bottom, the ground and tree sink down, taking Wendy with it. The others pull her out before she falls in. They stand around it as a staircase to the middle of the tree appears, and subsequently a door inside the tree opens.
Dipper	Alright guys, this is it. Remember, whatever happens down there, we tell no one.
Mabel	(Gives thumbs up)
Soos	(Turns hat backwards)
Wendy	(Zips her lips)
Dipper	(Holds up a lantern) Now, who wants to go first?
All	(Walk down the staircase and into a room)
Mabel and Soos	Whoa!
Dipper	Cool!
Wendy	This is so, stupid cool!
Dipper	It's like a fallout shelter or something. It must've belonged to the author.
Wendy	(Takes the Fallout Shelter poster off the wall and dusts it off) This is going over my bed.
Mabel	(Puts face in a barrel and comes out with caterpillars on her face) Haha! My face feels fuzzy!
Dipper	This is incredible! It's like he was preparing for a disaster. But what kinda disaster would need supplies for over sixty years? (Looks up a shelf with dated boxes, the highest labeled 2070)
Soos	(Opens weapons locker) Oh my gosh! A Smez despenser! I remember these things. What's that, yes I will have some of your old-timey face food. (Eats candy from dispenser) Ew, dusty! (Eats a second piece)
Dipper	(Holding dripping bean can) Wait guys, I think this can was opened recently.
Soos	The author might still be alive, down here!
Wendy	Wait a minute... (Wendy pulls it down a map of Gravity Falls from 1982, revealing an open hatch cover) I think I know where he might have gone... (Leads everyone in crawling through the tunnel) Whoa! (Leads into a room made of metal cubes) Whoa! Oh, man! Was this place built in the past or the future?
Soos	This room is way creepy.
Mabel	Not as creepy as Dipper's internet history! Heyo! (Shoves Dipper, and he steps on the square with the design and it depresses, causing the hatch to slam and lock. The symbols on the other wall squares glow red, a buzzer sounds and the room starts to shake. Some squares start to poke into the room)
Soos	What's goin' on, dude?
All	(Pressing up against wall, beginning to panic)
Mabel	Haha, it's hard to be scared with caterpillars on your face. Wall things! Crazy wall things happening right now!
Wendy	(Tries to push the blocks back in) It won't stop!
Mabel	Dipper! What do we do?!
Dipper	(Flips frantically through the journal and stops at a page labeled "Security Room." He shines the blacklight on it) Oh, come on! (Shows them a page with symbol on it) Find these four symbols! Quick! Everybody step on one!
Soos	One! (Pushes symbol)
Wendy	Two! (Punches symbol)
Mabel	Three! (Jumps over and slaps the symbol)
Dipper	Four! (Climbs up blocks and taps symbol; a door opens on the other side of the room)
Mabel	Run for it!
All	(Run out; Dipper's vest get caught in the block, he slips out)
Wendy	Yes! Yes! That was, huh, that was nuts! (To Dipper:) You ruled back there, man!
Dipper	Haha, thanks.
Wendy	Get a load of this crazy Surveillance Room.
Soos	Check it out dudes! (Makes faces with beakers in front)
Wendy	Soos, Soos... That is hilarious.
Mabel	(To Dipper:) Hey bro, you forgot your vest. (Walks over to Dipper's vest and pulls it out, causing the note fall to the floor) What the..? (Reading aloud:) "Dear Wendy, I've always had a crush on..." (Gasps and covers her mouth with the note. Excitedly, to herself:) OHMYGOSH! (To Dipper:) Hey. Dipper! Look what I found...
Dipper	(Gasps) What did you...? Give me that! (Snatches it)
Mabel	I know it! I know it! I know it! You're not over Wendy at all! (Gasps) And you were gonna tell her today?
Dipper	No, I changed my mind; it's a bad idea. I'd embarrass myself and then I'd be another guy she hates, like Robbie.
Mabel	Dipper, you should just tell her already. One way or another, you'll feel better afterwards.
Dipper	Look, Mabel, I can't tell her no matter how much I want to, so just drop it OK?
Wendy	Dude! Dipper, you gotta check out this weird metal closet. (Robot voice:) I am a robot, I have a metal closet.
Dipper	(To Wendy:) Coming! (To Mabel:) This never happened.
Mabel	(Thinking:) He wants to tell her but he's scared; maybe he needs a little push. Good idea, Mabel. Thanks, Mabel! (Runs and hugs Dipper. Speaking:) Brother, whatever happens I just you need to know something: this is for your own good.
Dipper	What?
Mabel	(Shoves him into the closet with Wendy and shuts it)
Dipper	What the-? (Looks at Wendy, gasps and pounds on the door) MABEL! Let us out!
Mabel	Oh, I'll let you out Dipper, as soon as you tell Wendy that thing you've been wanting to tell her! You'll thank me for this later!
Wendy	What is she talking about?
Dipper	Nothing! Mabel's just been eating raw sugar packets again.
Mabel	(Eating raw sugar packets) Om nom... That's besides the point!
Dipper	Let me out RIGHT NOW! (Pounds on the door)
Wendy	Uh! Where are the lights? (Pulls cord)
Dipper and Wendy	AHHH!
	Water gushes down, followed by a blast of hot air that pushes them together. A red light flashes and a tone sounds. A sign reading "Decontamination Complete" flashes and doors open on a wrecked underground room.
Dipper	Whoa! A hidden lab! Maybe the author did experiments down here.
Wendy	Huh. What do you think dug all these tunnels?
Dipper	Lets hope we don't find out. (Hears a growling sound, screams and runs as a dark figure approaches) Mabel, open up, for real! There's a monster in here!
Mabel	Ha ha, nice try! The only monsters are your own inner demons, Dipper!
Soos	That is so wise.
Wendy	Dipper, just say whatever Mabel wants you to say, so she'll let us out of here!
Mabel	Come on Dipper! Now's the time, bro!
Dipper	Wendy, I— I— I'm gonna find another way out! (Grabs Wendy's hand and pulls her in the other direction)
Wendy	Wait, what? Dude, where are we going? (They run down a tunnel and the thing corners them there) What do we do?
Dipper	I don't know! (They watch as the shadows of a man and the creature fight)
Unknown Man	Back, back you heinous beast! (Walks forward into view) Well, I just ripped out a monster's tongue. (Throws it down on the ground in front of them)
Dipper	It's, it's you!
Unknown Man	Hurry now, I scared it off, but it'll regenerate. (Leads them down the tunnel) I wasn't expecting guests. I've been down here for a very long time. Years! Weeks, maybe! I miss orange juice.
Dipper	You don't understand, you're the guy I've been looking for!
Wendy	He's the guy?
Dipper	Wendy, he's the guy!
Unknown Man	The guy?
Dipper	I've got like a gillion questions! Why did you write the journals? Who was after you? Why did you build this bunker?
Unknown Man	Heh. My boy I'd love to discuss this in time. We have more pressing matters. (All begin to walk around the lab) It's one of my experiments, a shape shifter. Able to take the form of anyone or anything it sees. It broke free from a cage of solid steel! I've gone half crazy trying to catch the creature alone. But now you're here! Will you help me catch it? (Lifts goggles)
Dipper	(Gasps in excitement)
	Cut to Mabel and Soos exploring the other room.
Soos	Sure are taking their time in there. (Slips on lab coat, and picks up laptop) Hey, do I look smarter with this coat and brief case? I feel like I look smarter...
Mabel	(Gasps) Razzle dazzle! Look at this tube-y thing! (Pressing button on dashboard) Frozen! Unfrozen! Frozen! Unfrozen! What's this? Experiment number 210: the shape shifter.
Soos	The shape shifter? Uh, dude? Didn't Dipper say there was a monster in there with them?
Mabel	(Gasps) I thought he was just joking!
Soos	YOU KNOW DIPPER'S JOKES ARE TERRIBLE!
Mabel	DIPPER!!
	Cut back to Dipper, Wendy, and the Unknown Man, still in the lab.
Unknown Man	Come in, come in! I apologize for the state of things! I don't get many non mole-people visitors. Now the beast must have some weakness we can exploit. I just wish I had my research on me. But alas, I lost my journals so many years ago.
Wendy	Did you say journals?
Dipper	Dude! I found one of them! That's how I tracked you down here. (Pulls out journal)
Unknown Man	What?! Could it be? (Takes journal from Dipper) My boy! I can't express my gratitude! (Flips through pages of the journal) Oh yes, after all these years...
	Cut to Mabel and Soos running in to the other room, both are panting.
Soos	Wendy?! Oh, it's so dark! How will we ever find them?
Mabel	Leave that to Mabel! (Presses light bulb on sweater)
Soos	Whoa, rad! Although, isn't electric clothing kinda like a fire hazard?
Mabel	No. It's a fun hazard. Now let me light the way! (Runs off with Soos following behind)
Soos	We're coming for you dudes!
	Cut back to Wendy, Dipper, and the Unknown Man, who is skimming through the pages of the journal.
Unknown Man	(To himself) Yes, yes. It's all here.
Dipper	(Whispering to Wendy, as she picks up a can of beans) Wendy! Isn't it amazing we're actually meeting the real author?
Wendy	(Gasps and bites lip. Holding out the can to Dipper. Whispering:) Dipper! Look! (Shows him a can of beans with a picture of "the author" on it)
Dipper	(To Man:) Uhh, you know what? We should probably get going. Can I have my journal back?
Unknown Man	(Blinks eyes sideways and turns head all the way around. voice deepening:) You're not going anywhere. (Crawls up wall and turns into "true form")
Dipper and Wendy	AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Shape Shifter	(Laughs) How do you like my true form? Go on, admit it, you like it!
Dipper	You! What did you do to the real author?!
Shape Shifter	You'll likely never find out. That six-fingered nerd hasn't been himself in thirty years! But I thank you for bringing me his journal. He used to write it while I was in my cage. So many wonderful forms to take! (Flipping through the journal, it transforms into the Gremloblin, a gnome, and then the Hide Behind, laughing each time)
Dipper	(Whispering to Wendy:) We've gotta get that journal back!
Wendy	Hey body snatcher! (Picks up can of beans and throws at shape shifter) Snatch this!
Shape Shifter	(Dodges it, turns into a giant frog monster, and lashes its tongue out at Wendy)
Wendy	(Holds up a piece of metal to block the tongue, making it drop the journal)
Dipper	RUN! RUN! RUN!
Dipper and Wendy	(Run through tunnels)
Shape Shifter	(Chasing them while taking several forms, then turns into a giant rolly polly monster and chases them to a fork in the tunnels)
Dipper	(Throws his flashlight down one end and runs with Wendy down the other end. They crash into Soos and Mabel)
All	(Greet each other excitedly)
Dipper	(To Soos and Mabel:) Wait! How do we know they're not the shape shifter?
Soos	Maybe I am! Mabel, inspect my shape! (Pulls up shirt)
Mabel	(Pokes Soos' stomach) Poke!
Soos	(Laughs) Do that again!
Mabel	(Pokes Soos' stomach again) Poke!
Soos	(Laughs once more) Even better the second time!
Dipper	It's definitely them. (Gasps) Oh my gosh, Wendy, you're bleeding!
Wendy	It's cool, it's cool. It's just blood man; don't freak out.
Mabel	What happened?
Wendy	We got attacked by the shape shifter. (Taking off her shirt, and rips off a sleeve to cover the injury) He broke out of his cage, pretended to be the author, and wants Dipper's journal.
Dipper	Imagine if he escapes to the town! He can transform into anything! We could never trust anyone ever again!
Mabel	What do we do?!
Wendy	Well, he took us into his home, tricked us, and tried to destroy us. I say we return the favor.
	Cut to a different tunnel. The shape shifter returns to its human form.
Shape Shifter	Dipper, my boy! Come out! (Momentarily loses its form) I must speak with you! (Turns into a creature with six legs, claws, and a one-eyed head resembling a hand) REVEAL YOURSELF, YOU SINGLE-FORMED HUMAN WEAKLING! (Slams its head into the ground)
Mabel	(Entering the room with Dipper,) Oh boy, Dipper. That book sure is full of some great monsters!
Shape Shifter	There you are! Ooh, and a new one. (Turns into Mabel) Should I be one... (Turns into Dipper) ...or the other? How about both!? (Turns into a six-legged creature. The top half resembles Dipper while the bottom half resembles Mabel. Both halves have a large mouth with many sharp teeth. Roars)
Dipper and Mabel	They scream and run away as the shape shifter chases them. They enter a room with Wendy and Soos holding onto the valve of a pipe)
Dipper	Guys, he's coming! He's coming! NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!!
Wendy and Soos	(Start turning the valve)
Soos	It's not working, dude!
Shape Shifter	(Catches up to them and tries to grab Dipper's journal with its tongue)
Dipper	HEY, LET GO!
Wendy	(Helps Dipper) You leave him alone!
	Wendy is pulled away with the journal. Dipper is left behind.
Dipper	Wendy!
	Wendy jumps on the shape shifter and prepares to attack it with her ax. Soos successfully turns the valve and a strong stream of water bursts from the pipe. Wendy and the shape shifter are knocked back by the water. Dipper, Mabel and Soos get caught in the flow as well. Wendy hits a rock under the water, then the water subsides.
Dipper, Mabel & Soos	(Gasp for air)
	The water drains out.
Dipper	(Picks up Wendy's ax) WENDY!! (Voice echoes, follows the tunnel and finds Wendy laying on the ground) Wendy! No, no, no-no-no! Can you hear me? Oh, please be okay, please be okay! (Shakes her, with no response) Oh no, oh no! This is all my fault! If I had told you when we were in the closet we wouldn't be in this mess. But I was too scared and now you could be hurt or worse, and I never even got to tell you I'm, like—In love with you, Wendy! (Tears up and buries face in hands)
Wendy	(Standing behind Dipper) Uh, Dipper?
Dipper	Huh—wha—Wendy?! W-wait, then who's...?
Shape Shifter	(Gets up and growls)
Dipper	LOOK OUT!
Shape Shifter	(Attacks Wendy, in Wendy's voice) Give me back that journal!
Wendy	Never!
Shape Shifter	(Pushes her over and lands on her)
Wendy	Get off me! (Kicks the shape shifter off)
	The two Wendys fight while Dipper watches. It is unclear which is the shape shifter. Dipper picks up the ax and approaches them.
Wendy	Give it back; it belongs to Dipper! (To Dipper:) Hit her with the ax!
Shape Shifter	Don't listen to her, Dipper!
Wendy	She's the shape shifter!
Dipper	Uh, uh, I don't know who's who! Give me a sign!
Shape Shifter	(Smiles and winks)
Wendy	(Zips her lips)
Dipper	(Stabs the shape shifter with the ax)
Shape Shifter	(Roars and returns to its true form)
	The tube that Mabel froze and unfroze earlier flashes "READY." The shape shifter rips the ax out of its body.
Dipper	Push him in!
	Dipper and Wendy push the shape shifter into the tube. The door closes and the tube begins freezing the shape shifter. The shot pulls back to show Mabel and Soos watching through a screen. Mabel has pressed the button to activate the tube.
Mabel	Frozen! (She and Soos fist-bump) Boop!
Soos	Boosh!
Shape Shifter	No! (Turns into a rock monster, then a flame monster, then the man from earlier) Let me ouuuut! (Returns to its true form and roars. It begins to freeze)
	Mabel and Soos are now in the same room as Wendy, Dipper, and the shape shifter
Soos	Let's get out of here, dudes.
Shape Shifter	(Laughs evilly)
Dipper, Mabel, Wendy and Soos	(Gasp)
Shape Shifter	You think you're so clever don't you, Dipper? But you have no idea what you're up against. You will never find the author. If you keep digging, you'll meet a fate worse than you can imagine. And this will be the last form you ever take! (Turns into Dipper and screams while being frozen, while Dipper looks on in horror)
Soos	(Laughs. To Dipper:) Good luck sleeping tonight!
	Cut to outside. The tree returns to it's default position
Soos	Dude, I think I'm kind of adventured out for a little while. My face hurts from doing this all day. (Makes a screaming face)
Mabel	(Laughs) Yeah, but you gotta admit we're all total heroes.
Soos	(Tousles Mabel's hair) Hey, who wants to get some heroes' breakfast, huh?
Mabel	(On Soos' shoulders) Syrup on cereal!
Soos	Mabel, you're a visionary!
Dipper	Look, Wendy, about earlier. In the heat of the moment, I might have said some dumb things, and can't we pretend none of that ever happened? Please?
Wendy	Dude, dude. It's okay. I always kinda knew.
Dipper	Wait, you did?
Wendy	(Chuckles) Yeah man, you think I can't hear that stuff you're constantly whispering under your breath?
Dipper	(Groans) Oh man! (Sits down on a log)
Wendy	Listen Dipper, I'm like, super flattered, but... I'm too old for you. I mean, you know that, right?
Dipper	(Groans) Mabel said confessing would make me feel better.
Wendy	Well, how do you feel?
Dipper	Anxious. Scared. Kinda itchy.
Wendy	Dude, don't be itchy man. Let me tell you something. This summer was super boring until you showed up. I have more fun with you than practically anybody else. And if you ever stopped being my friend, ... I would, like, throw myself into the Bottomless Pit!
Dipper	So things won't be too, awkward, now?
Wendy	I just wrestled myself, dude. That was awkward. If you can handle that monster, you can handle a little awkwardness.
Dipper	Friends?
Wendy	Yeah, dude! Friends! (Shoves him backwards off the log)
	Both laugh, then Wendy pulls him back onto the log.
Wendy	Oh, and hey Dipper? See you for movie night tomorrow. Your place this time, okay? (Bikes away)
Mabel	(Pops out of bushes) Sooo? How did it go?
Dipper	(Surprised:) Wha—what did you hear?
Mabel	Everything! All the time!
Soos	(From in the bushes:) I'M NOT HERE!
Dipper	Mabel, how can everything be so amazing and so terrible all at the same time?
Mabel	I'm so sorry for being so pushy Dipper. If it's any consolation, I'm already working on your list of potential rebound crushes.
Dipper	Thanks Mabel. Whoa!
Soos	(Sits down at other end of log) I'm still bummed we're no closer to finding the author guy. At least I got his science-y coat and briefcase. (Holds up laptop, which flops open) Whoa! What the?
Dipper	Soos, that's not a briefcase, it's a laptop!
Mabel	And a really busted up one too.
Soos	I bet I could get this thing fixed up in a few days. It's gonna take a lotta duct tape.
Dipper	This could be our next clue!
	Zooms in on the laptob. A label reads "Property of F" MO52584
	Cut to end credits. Dipper and Wendy are watching a movie on TV.
Dipper	Is it just me or does Gravity Falls TV only have the worst movies?
TV Voice	You're watching the Gravity Falls Bargain Movie Showcase. Coming up next, The Widdlest Wampire, The Planet People of Planet Planet!, Help! My Mummy's a Werewolf!, Attack of the Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!, The Man with no Taste, Ghost Turtle, Help! My Mummy's a Werewolf! 2: This Again!
Dipper	You want to never watch this channel again?
Code	OOIY DMEV VN IBWRKAMU BRUWLL. (WHAT KIND OF DISASTER INDEED decoded from Vigenere. The key is SHIFTER)