|All animation is black magic.|
This article contains information on a subject that is not considered canon in the Gravity Falls universe.
Gravity Falls Journal 3 Infomercial is a special infomercial promoting the real-life edition of Journal 3 and its special edition, that was released online by Disney's Oh My Disney YouTube channel on March 28, 2017.
Watch Gravity Falls’ Kristen Schaal and Jason Ritter do everything possible to love (and guard) their copy of Journal 3. Also featuring, special guest — and show creator — Alex Hirsch.
Of course, the book sweater and Journalert products are NOT real, but the best-selling Journal 3 is real. And now you can pre-order the Special Edition Journal 3, too! Check out both books here: https://goo.gl/WaBGJb
The infomercial begins with Kristen Schaal greeting the viewers and introducing herself. Then, she catches a copy of Journal 3 that is thrown at her arms. After scoffing at book jackets, she starts promoting her own special "book sweaters" for the Journal, and offers them for one million dollars each. At this point, Jason Ritter interrupts her infomercial and asks her what is she doing with his Journal, to which she answers "charming America," and asks the viewers to "call now."
Jason then asks them not to call and introduces himself as "Dipper," but then he rectifies and presents himself as Jason Ritter, assuring to himself that "Dipper's just a character... He's just a character," while Kristen gives an awkward look. After this, Jason belittles Kristen's sweaters as something "no one wants," and starts promoting his own invention, the "Journalert," a book safe "made from bullet proof steel" that is meant to keep the book and all its dark secrets from falling into the wrong hands. He says that it guards the Journal from dark forces and "shield[s] it from radiation in the event of a nuclear blast," resisting a thousand years of nuclear fallout, while an add indicates a price of two million dollars.
Then Kristen interrupts him, stating that it doesn't matter how long it lasts, because "you'd be dead by then," and that "Gravity Falls is just a show," prompting Jason to reassure with a nervous scoff that "Gravity Falls is real and it will never die." Kristen promotes her sweaters one more time, and Jason once again disparages them, asking "what kind of creep is ever going to buy one of those?" Suddenly, Alex Hirsch appears, excitedly shouting "I'll take ten." Alex, who already holds several journals, eagerly tries to grab another one from a shelve, making the journals fall and hit him in the face. Kristen answers that "the world is filled with creeps," and starts laughing along with Jason. Then they ask again the viewers to call.
As Kristen points out that the book won't fit into the "Journalert," a disclaimer rolls while a very accelerated voice-off reads it. The text reads:
Decoding ciphers is extremely confusing. Do not decode ciphers without adult supervision. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental and also completely planned. Y-N-E-V-B-X-P-Y-R-R-Z-J-X-R-Z-V-R [key symbol] GRAVITY. Do not purchase if you are not prone to nausea, upset stomach, headaches, or possession by ghost, demon or other worldly entities. Do not call past 10 p.m. That is my bedtime. Soos will get mad. I will be grounded. Some assembly required, book diaper not included. No pigs where harmed in the making of this infomercial.
In the end, Jason distressfully wonders how did he let the "Journalert" be too small, if he had measured it literally a hundred times, and then suggests that maybe one could chain the Journal up.
After the video ends, there are some bloopers.
The infomercial has no credits, but the cast is the following.
- Jason Ritter introducing himself as Dipper, and then assuring to himself that "Dipper's just a character... He's just a character," seems to be a reference to the fact that the actor feels closely identified with his character.
- Ritter reassuring that "Gravity Falls is real and it will never die," expressing the feeling of most of the fandom, seems to reference the fact that Ritter is a hardcore Gravity Falls fan himself.
- At the end of the infomercial there is a toll-free number included to "buy" the merchandise: 888-274-4447. If viewers actually called the number, they were greeted by a message from Stan Pines.
- In the message, Stan states that the "Book Sweaters," are not real products. Instead he then sings a song with a ukulele.
- The number no longer works.
- The words "do not call past 10 p.m. That is my bedtime. Soos will get mad. I will be grounded," in the disclaimer text, might be a reference to Soos grounding the twins, as he is the new owner of the Mystery Shack (though this infomercial is hardly considered canon).
- In the text that rolls in the end of the infomercial there is a cryptogram that reads "Y-N-E-V-B-X-P-Y-R-R-Z-J-X-R-Z-V-R" Once decoded using the Vigenère cipher, it reads "SWEATERS ARE BETTER."
- Found written immediately after the cryptogram, the keyword is: "GRAVITY."