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The episode opens with an establishing shot of Gravity Falls under heavy downpour and thunder. Next scene shows the Mystery Shack. In the bedroom attic, Dipper and Mabel are playing Conflict Boat.
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Dipper Pines
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I'm gonna say... B5.
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Mabel Pines
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Miss! (Puts a peg on her board) Whop!
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Camera shows Mabel's board, with her pegs arranged like a cat's face.
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Dipper
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I don't think you're playing this right.
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Stan Pines
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(Offscreen:) Kids! Come quick!
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Dipper and Mabel run downstairs. They enter the living room to find Stan watching television.
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Stan
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(Laughs) I need you to laugh at this with me!
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A commercial for the Tent of Telepathy comes on the television.
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Gideon Gleeful
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(On television, singing:) Who's cute as a button, and always your friend? Lil' G-I-D to the E-O-N! Wink!
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Bud Gleeful on TV
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Li'l Gideon!
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Dipper
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(disgusted) Ugh, Gideon!
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Mabel
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Remember when I wouldn't date him and he tried to destroy us?
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Stan
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He's always trying to trick me into losing the Mystery Shack!
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Wendy Corduroy
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One time, I caught him stealing my moisturizer.
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Soos Ramirez
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And yet, our mutual hatred for him bonds us together.
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Gideon
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(Laughs)
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Bud
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(On television, voice-over:) Come on down to Li'l Gideon's Tent 'o' Telepathy, opening soon at this location.
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Commercial shows the Tent of Telepathy crushing the Mystery Shack.
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Dipper
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Uh, should we be worried about that?
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Stan
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Please, the only way Gideon's taking over this shack is by breaking in and stealing my deed.
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A loud crash is heard from upstairs.
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Wendy
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You mean like, right now?
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Cuts to Stan's office, where Gideon is attempting to open Stan's safe.
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Gideon
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Uh, thirty-eight? Forty-one? Oh, heavens to Betsy! (Stan opens the office door)
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Stan
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Gideon!
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Gideon
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Well, well, Stanford! My arch-nemesis. We seem to have entered a dangerous game of cat and mouse. But the question remains, who is the cat, and who is the--
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Stan
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Soos, broom. (Soos gives the broom to Stan)
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Gideon
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Oh no, not the broom!
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Stan
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(Chases Gideon around the room with the broom)
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Gideon
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(Hisses)
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Stan
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(Hits Gideon with the broom twice before chasing him outside)
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Gideon
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You mark my words, Stanford! One day I'm gonna get that combination! And once I steal that deed, you'll never see the Mystery Shack again!
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Stan
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Good luck, bucko!
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Stan goes back inside and shuts the door. Close up of Gideon looking angry.
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Cuts to Stan putting the Mystery Shack deed in his safe and pressing the lock button.
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Stan
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(Laughs) The combo to this safe is in the one place he'll never find it: my brain. (Walks away)
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As Stan walks off, Gideon peers in through a window, then steps away through the rain.
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Gideon
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Your brain isn't as safe as you might think, Stanford Pines! (Pulls out Journal 2) This is the last straw! It's time to unlock the journal's greatest secret...
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Camera zooms in on picture of the Zodiac seen in the opening sequence.
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Cut to theme song.
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Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Wendy are watching television. Dipper and Wendy are shooting each other with Nyarf brand dart guns.
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Television
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He put the old in "old west," they call him (musically:) Grandpa the Kid!
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Grandpa the Kid
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(On television) I'm tired during the day.
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Stan
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I can relate to this.
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Mabel
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Grunkle Stan, why can't we watch a movie that we'll all enjoy? Dream Boy High! "Where love is on your permanent record."
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Stan, Dipper and Wendy
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Boo!
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Mabel
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You'll learn to like it.
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A crash is heard from the kitchen.
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Soos
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(Runs into the room) Aaah! Dudes, there's a bat in the kitchen! It tried to touch me with its "weird little bat fingers!"
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Stan
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Don't worry, I got this under control. (Leans back in armchair) Dipper, take care of it.
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Mabel
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(Laughs, while Dipper looks shocked) Yes!
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Dipper
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What? Why can't Mabel do it?
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Stan
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'Cause life ain't fair. Now go fight a bat so we can watch TV.
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Dipper
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(Walks to Stan, annoyed) No way, Grunkle Stan! You always make me do dumb chores. I'm putting my foot down this time! (Stamps foot on carpet)
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Stan
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I said do it, kid. Now!
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Old west music plays.
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Stan and Dipper have a stare off, growling at each other. Stan wins, showing all his teeth like a ferocious beast. This finally convinces Dipper to go to take care of the bat.
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Dipper
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Okay, I'll do it! (Sighs; walks into kitchen, Mabel following behind him)
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Dipper
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(Picks up a saucepan and spoon on the floor, mumbling) Stupid chores...
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Mabel
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Remember, bats are more afraid of you than you are of them.
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Dipper
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(Enters the kitchen, offscreen)
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Mabel
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Maybe I'm thinking of ducklings.
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Loud screams and crashes come from the kitchen, while kitchen supplies and Dipper's hat are thrown outside.
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Mabel
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Ducklings. (Laughs) Quack quack! Quack quack quack!
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Cuts to Soos applying disinfectant to Dipper's wounds while Mabel applies bandages to Dipper's head.
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Dipper
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Ow, ow!
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Soos
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(Singing:) Swabbing on disinfectant, doo doo doo...
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Dipper
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(Sighs) Why does Grunkle Stan always pick on me? Think about it! The more painful or difficult the chore is, the more likely it is I'll have to do it. Why doesn't he pick on you guys?
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Soos
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Dipper, Stan's personality is one of life's great mysteries. Like whether or not it's possible to lick your own elbow.
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Mabel
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I bet you can't!
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Soos
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I bet I can! (Tries to lick elbow and walks away)
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Mabel
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(Following Soos; chanting:) Lick it! Lick it! Lick it!
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Dipper
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Sometimes I feel like Stan hates me. (Looks up to a picture of Stan on the wall)
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Stan
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(Offscreen, yelling:) The sink's clogged. Dipper, get in here and fix it!
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Dipper
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(Growls angrily in resentment towards his great-uncle, grabs his Nyarf dart gun and fires it at the picture of Stan.)
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The scene fades into the same picture of Stan, except with a red "X" painted over his eyes and surrounded by candles.
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Gideon
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You think that combination's safe in your mind, Stanford? We'll see what my new minion has to say about that! (Chanting:)Triangulum, entangulum. Vene foris dominus mentium. Vene foris videntis omnium! (Broken Latin for "Triangle, entangled. Lord of Minds, come to the door. All-seeing one, come to the door!")
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Cuts to Mabel and Soos outside, Soos is still attempting to lick his own elbow, with Mabel still chearing him on.
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Mabel
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(Chanting:) Lick that elbow! Lick that elbow!
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Soos
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Like the infinite horizon, it eludes my grasp.
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Gideon
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(Offscreen, laughs ominously)
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Mabel
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Is that who I think it is?
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Mabel and Soos walk toward Gideon.
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Gideon
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(Grunting, clasps his stomach and his eyes glow blue; chants:) Egassem sdrawkcab. egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!
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The background turns black and white, a dragonfly and a frog slowly freeze in time. Above Gideon, a flaming black triangle with a lone eye appears in the cloudy sky, laughing evilly. Gaping skyward, Soos and Mabel hide behind the bushes. The triangle then sprouts arms, legs, a top hat and a bowtie. The triangle's color changes to yellow as it hovers down to Gideon.
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Bill Cipher
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Oh, oh, Gravity Falls! It is good to be back. Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy? (Laughs) I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Gideon!
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Gideon
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W-what are you? H-how do you know my name?!
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Bill
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Oh, I know lots of things! (Body shows pictures of various cryptic locations. In a slow, deep voice:) LOTS OF THINGS... (Body returns to normal) Hey, look what I can do! (Gestures toward a deer, the deer's teeth then fly into his hand. Gives the teeth to Gideon) Deer teeth! For you, kid! (Laughs)
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Gideon
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(Cries out in shock and drops teeth on the ground) You're insane!
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Bill
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Sure I am, what's your point? (Puts teeth back in deer's mouth and the deer runs away)
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Gideon
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(Tries to steady himself) Listen to me, demon! I have a job for you. I need you to enter the mind of Stanford Pines and steal the code to his safe.
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Mabel and Soos
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(Gasp)
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Bill
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(Laughs) Wait... Stan Pines? (Body shows pictures of Stan and his tattoo) You know what, kid? You've convinced me! I'm sold! I'll help you with this and in return you can help me with something I've been working on! We'll work out the details later.
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Gideon
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Deal!
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Bill
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(His hand lights on blue fire and he shakes hands with Gideon) Well, time to invade Stan's mind! This should be fun! Remember: reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye! (Disappears)
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Gideon
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It worked! (Laughs maniacally)
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Cut to Dipper sweeping the carpet in the living room while Stan sleeps in his chair.
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Stan
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(Mumbling in his sleep) Oh, I'm so sorry.
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Dipper
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What is going on in that guy's head? (Begins to walk away)
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Mabel and Soos run in.
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Mabel
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Dipper! We've gotta help Stan!
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Dipper
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Wait, what?
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Soos
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(While eating Nyums brand Burrito Bites) This evil triangle guy... said he's gonna break into Stan's mind, and steal the combination to his safe! Also we stopped for snacks on the way here.
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Dipper
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Triangle guy? (Takes out Journal 3) I feel like I've seen something like this before in the journal... (Reading:) "Beware Bill! The most powerful and dangerous creature I've ever encountered. (Closeup on a note written in red marker: "DO NOT SUMMON AT ALL COSTS!") Whatever you do, never let him into your mind."
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Stan
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(Grunts in sleep)
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Dipper, Mabel and Soos
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(Gasp)
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Mabel
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Grunkle Stan!
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Cut to shadow of Bill entering Stan's mind.
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Stan
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(Eyes start glowing blue and grunts while making random movements)
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Mabel
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(Takes the journal from Dipper; reads:) "It is possible to follow the demon into a person's mind and prevent his chaos. One must simply recite this incantation."
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Dipper
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(feeling adversed) Ugh, this is just great. I spend all day cleaning sinks and fighting bats for Stan, and now I have to save him from some crazy brain demon?
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Mabel
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But if we don't do anything, Gideon might steal the shack! Or worse!
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Stan
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(Eyes still glowing blue, he screams)
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Dipper
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(Sighs, reluctantly) Fine. Get ready, guys. We're about to journey into the most horrifying, disturbing place any of us have ever been: our uncle's mind.
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Lightning flashes and dramatic music plays.
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Soos
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You think I can take these Burrito Bites into Stan's brain? Thumbs up? Thumbs down? (Pauses; laughs) You know what, I'm just gonna bring 'em.
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Cut to commercial break.
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Cut to Dipper, Mabel and Soos around a sleeping Stan in the living room with the lights off and surrounded by a circle of candles.
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Dipper
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(Holding Journal 3) Okay, guys, in order to save our uncle, we're gonna have to follow that... dream demon into his mind.
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Soos
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I wonder what Stan's thinking about right now.
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Soos
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(Using Stan as a ventriloquist dummy, in a high voice:) I love Soos like a son!
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Dipper
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Soos! This is serious!
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Soos
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(Still using Stan's mouth in a high voice) Sorry!
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Mabel and Soos
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(Laugh) Yeah! (High five each other)
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Dipper
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Let's do this. (Puts hand on Stan's head)
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Mabel and Soos also put their hands on Stan's head.
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Dipper
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(Reading from journal:) Videntus omnium. Magister mentium. Magnesium ad hominem. Magnum opus. Habeas corpus! Inceptus Nolanus overratus! Magister mentium! Magister mentium! MAGISTER MENTIUM!
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As Dipper speaks, his eyes go blue, then Soos', then Mabel's and the candles go out, and after the incantation, there is a flash of white light and the gang is inside Stan's mind. The mindscape is entirely in black and white. Mabel and Soos make exclamations of awe.
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Soos
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What the...?
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The scene shows the gang approach a bizarre and warped version of the Mystery Shack with an 8-ball posing as the full moon in the background. Next scene shows an empty swing set with the left swing slowly creaking and the right swing broken completely. The gang continue walking forward to the shack.
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Mabel
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Whoa, this is Stan's mind?
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Soos
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Huh. Figured there would be a lot more hot old ladies.
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Mabel
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Remember, everyone, we've got to look out for the triangle guy.
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Bill
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(Arriving in front of gang, whirling his cane) Yeah, look out for the triangle guy!
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Soos
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It's him! It's the guy!
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Mabel
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You leave our uncle's brain alone, you isosceles monster! (Charges into Bill and disappears inside him. Bill holds up a numeral pocket-watch for a few seconds. He then spits Mabel out of his body) Gotcha! Wait, what?
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Bill
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Ah, Stan's family, we meet at last! Question Mark, Shooting Star, Pine Tree, I had a hunch I might bump into you! (He points and shoots a red laser in Dipper's chest)
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Dipper
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(Screams, deep breathing)
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Mabel
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(Sticks her hand through Dipper's hole) Boop!
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Dipper
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Mabel! What do you want with our uncle's mind anyway?
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Bill
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Oh, just the code to the old man's safe! Inside the shack is a maze of a thousand doors representing your uncle's memories. Behind one of them is a memory of him inputting the code! I just need to find it and Gideon will pay me handsomely.
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Mabel
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Not if we stop you!
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Bill
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Hah, fat chance! I'm the master of the mind. (Blue flames encircle him) I even know what you're thinking right now!
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Mabel
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That's impossible, no one can guess what I'm thinking!
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Bill makes Xyler and Craz appear with a finger snap.
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Xyler
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Whoa, where are we, bro?
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Craz
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We must be in heaven, 'cause I just saw an angel! (points to Mabel)
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Mabel
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(Hugging Craz's leg) I'm never letting go of your leg!
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Bill
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You're out of your league, kids. (Serious tone) Turn around now before you see something you might regret. Later, suckers! (Crashes through wall of mindscape Mystery Shack)
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Dipper
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We're goin' in! Mabel, can we leave those guys out here? Looking at them-- (He sees 1980s-esque visual effects around Tyler and Craz) hurts my eyes...
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Mabel
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No! They can help us!
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Xyler and Craz
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Totally! Arm throne! (Carry Mabel in arms)
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Mabel
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(Chuckles)
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Soos
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Dude! Arm throne! (Starts walking after Dipper) Arm throoone!
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Dipper
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(Screams)
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Everyone steps into the shack and awes. There are multiple floors, stairs and doors floating inside the domain.
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Craz
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Radical!
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Xyler
|
I also think it's radical!
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Stan Bat
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(Flying by Dipper walking down steps) No refunds! No refunds! No refunds! (Repeats)
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Some of Stan's fears are shown, and it cuts to the gang entering Stan's memories, all speaking.
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Soos
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Whoa, look! All of Stan's memories!
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Dipper
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Great. Sure there's plenty of memories of Stan bossing me around, can't wait to see more of that.
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Mabel
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Come on, Dipper, we've gotta find the code before Bill does!
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Craz
|
Mabel is talking!
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Xyler
|
So rad!
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Soos
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Let's get searching!
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Gang runs down a hallway, panting. Dipper opens a door.
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Cut to show a younger Stan in Colombian prison with the two of his gruff-looking cellmates Jorge and Rico.
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Stan
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Jorge, Rico, you're the two best Colombian prison friends a fellah could make.
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Jorge
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Espero que muera. (Subtitles read "I hope he dies.")
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Rico
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SĆ. (Subtitle reads "SĆ.")
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Dipper
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Nope!
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Dipper closes the door. Cut to Soos opening another door.
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Cut to show Stan posing as a salesman outside a home.
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Stan
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Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: It sucks more than anything. (Door shuts in front of him) Gotta work on that.
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Soos
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Nope.
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Cut to Soos closing the door.
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Cut to Mabel opening a small door.
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Mabel
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Whoa, it's Stan on a date!
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Cuts to Stan on a date with Lazy Susan.
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Stan
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So, your, uh... your eye is weird. Let's... let's talk about that.
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Lazy Susan
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(Laughs awkwardly)
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Stan
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(Laughing awkwardly; thinking:) This is going terrible. I can't think of anything to say and she... looks weird up close. Think of a way out! (Stands up; Aloud:) NON-SPECIFIC EXCUSE! (Knocks food off the table and runs away)
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Mabel
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Yeesh. (Closes the door)
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Dipper discovers a door written "Dipper Memories: KEEP OUT!"
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Dipper
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Look, guys! Memories about me! (Opens the door)
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Soos
|
That doesn't seen like a good idea.
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Dipper
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I just wanna know what the old guy really thinks of me.
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Mabel
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We already know how Stan feels about us! He loves us! We're great. (Walks away)
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Soos
|
Yeah. Let's just keep moving.
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Xyler
|
More moving?
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Craz
|
Yes! I love motion!
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Dipper walks a bit, but turns around and runs to the Dipper memories door and enters it. Inside, a crab with Stan's head scuttles on another sign written "Dipper Memories: No Refunds".
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Dipper
|
Okay. Just a quick peek.
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Dipper walks by the doors. The sound Stan calling Dipper echoes. Dipper walks in front of one of them and opens the door. Inside is a memory of Stan making Dipper chop firewood.
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Stan
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No buts! Now go chop that firewood already! (Hits Dipper's head with a newspaper)
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Dipper walks away to chop the firewood. Stan sits on the couch next to Soos.
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Soos
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Dude, Stan, I've been meaning to ask you. Why are you so hard on Dipper all the time?
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Stan
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Look, Soos, I'm gonna let you in on something. You wanna know what I really think? (He hushes indistinct whispers to Soos)
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Dipper leans to listen what Stan is talking.
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Stan
|
(In a whisper:) The kid's a loser. He's weak! He's an utter embarrassment!
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Cut to see memory Dipper struggling to chop the firewood stuck to his hatchet.
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Stan
|
I just wanna get rid of him.
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Frowning, Dipper lowers his head and closes the door on Stan's memory, depressed. Cuts to Bill, disguised as Soos, and Mabel.
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Bill
|
Hello? Code to Stan's safe? Where are you?
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Xyler
|
Opening and closing doors is fun!
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Craz
|
I can do it also!
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Bill opens a door. Inside the door Stan pushes buttons of the vending machine. The vending machine opens and a secret hallway appears.
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Stan
|
If only people knew the truth, that hidden behind this vending machine, I secretly have a--
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Bill
|
BORING! (Closes the door shut)
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Cuts to Mabel in front of a door written "Top Secret" on top of it.
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Mabel
|
Alright guys, I have a good feeling about this door.
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Mabel opens the door. Inside it has a memory of Stan in the bathroom.
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Stan
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Hey, Mr. Tummy! (Changes his voice) Hey, Mr. Stan! (Back to normal voice) Are you hungry? (Changes his voice again) Yes!
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Bill
|
(Cringes in disgust) Ugh...
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Stan
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Eat your crackers! (Changes his voice) Yum yum yum yum!
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Mabel
|
Sweet Sally! (Closes the door)
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Bill
|
Hah, we've been searching forever! What if the triangle guy finds the memory before we do?
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Mabel
|
If we wanna find Stan's memory, we gotta think like Stan. He's always hiding stuff, right?
|
Bill
|
Yeah! Like how he hides his arrest warrants under that rug in the gift shop?
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Mabel
|
Soos, that's it! Look! (Walks to a rug and finds a door under it)
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All
|
(Gasp)
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Mabel
|
(Opens the door)
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Stan
|
(Kisses the deed and puts it into the safe) There ya go. (Closes the safe door) And now to input the code. 13, 44, and finally...
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Bill
|
(Closes the door) Dude, we found it!
|
Mabel
|
Yeah!
|
Xyler and Craz
|
But what do we do now? Jinx!
|
Mabel
|
Um... um... Let's just destroy the door before Bill can find it! (Finds a battle-ax)
|
Bill
|
Wait! Maybe I should do it! My big fat arms are great at destroying stuff!
|
Mabel
|
Oh, okay.
|
|
Bill begins to lifts up the door with some kind of psychic power. As he does this, the real Soos walks in.
|
Soos
|
Hey, guys! I just saw a memory of Stan roller skating and wearing short-shorts! (Pause) Didn't look... didn't look half-bad. (Long pause) Hey, somethin' weird is goin' on here.
|
Bill
|
(Still in Soos' form, laughs evilly; turns back to normal) Boy, you kids sure are gullible! I knew you'd lead me straight to the code! (continues laughing) It's funny how dumb you are.
|
|
Commercial break.
|
Bill
|
The combination to Stan's safe. Boy, that was even easier than I thought!
|
Mabel
|
Oh, yeah? Well, you're a-a stink face!
|
Xyler
|
Awesome comeback, Mabel!
|
Mabel
|
Don't treat me like a child, Xyler.
|
Bill
|
Later, suckers! (Flies away)
|
Mabel
|
Come on! We've gotta save Stan!
|
Dipper
|
(Walking down the stairs, feeling negative and resentful) What's the point? Why should I save him, huh? I work for Stan day and night and all he does in return is say he wants to get rid of me.
|
Mabel
|
(in disbelief) Dipper, I'm sure that's not true.
|
Dipper
|
(resentful) I saw it with my own eyes in one of his memories, Mabel! He's always picked on me and now I know why. (now enraged) Stan hates me!
|
Everyone except Dipper
|
(Gasp in shock)
|
Mabel
|
Dipper, it doesn't matter what you saw. If we don't stop Bill, we'll lose the Shack!
|
Dipper
|
No! You know what? Not this time. For once, this is one of Stan's problems I'm not gonna fix.
|
Mabel
|
Fine. Come on, Soos. We'll save Stan ourselves.
|
Soos
|
Dipper, you're a cool dude, but... this isn't cool, dude.
|
Craz
|
Let's go, Xyler.
|
Xyler
|
All right, Craz!
|
Craz
|
Those are our names!
|
|
Mabel, Craz, Xyler and Soos leave the sulking Dipper behind. Cuts to Bill. Bill opens every door he passes. Then a phone ringing sound is heard. Bill touches his bowtie revealing he has a call from Gideon.
|
Bill
|
Y'ello?
|
Gideon
|
Bill! Did you find the memory with the combination yet?
|
Bill
|
Relax, short stack. I got it right here.
|
Gideon
|
Ha ha ha! Perfect. Now give it to me and I'll fulfill my end of the bargain.
|
Bill
|
Finally! It's--you got a pen there? It's 13, 44... (The door gets hit by a nyarf gun) Ah! No no no! Wait, no!
|
|
The door falls to the bottomless pit from one of Stan's memories.
|
Stan
|
...and none more bottomless than the bottomless pit! Which, as you can see here, is bottomless. (Watches the door fall) Whooh! Whatever that was, it's gone forever!
|
|
The door closes. Behind Bill is Mabel who shot the door with a nyarf gun.
|
Mabel
|
Ha ha! Boom!
|
Xyler and Craz
|
Mabel did it!
|
Soos
|
The Shack is safe!
|
Gideon
|
The deal's off!
|
Bill
|
Wa-wait! No! Wait!
|
Gideon
|
I'm switchin' to plan B!
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|
The screen turns off and Bill's body cracks to pieces and falls off. Then Bill's body reappears as red.
|
Bill
|
YOU! You can't even imagine what you just cost me! (Conjures flames out of his hands) Do you have any idea what I'm like... (In a low, demonic voice:) WHEN I'M MAD???!!
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|
Glowing yellow symbols appear inside Bill's blackened eye. As the symbols reflect on the others' faces, a ring of fire surrounds them. Then a rock in the shape of Stan's head pops out from their feet and raises up into the cosmos. Bill's size starts increasing.
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Mabel
|
(Gasp)
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Soos
|
So I guess he gets really mad when he gets mad.
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Bill
|
(In a low, demonic voice:) EAT NIGHTMARES!!
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All
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(Scream)
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|
Cut to Dipper walking around, finding a way out.
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Dipper
|
Ugh! How do I get out of this place? (Opens doors) Exit? Hello? (Opens the door with a memory of him chopping wood) Aw, this again?
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Stan
|
He's a loser. He's weak. I just wanna get rid of him.
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Dipper
|
(Starts to close the door)
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Stan
|
Heh, yeah. Those are all things people said about me when I was a boy.
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Dipper
|
(Opens the door, surprised by what he just heard) Huh?
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Stan
|
It was terrible. I was the biggest wimp on the playground!
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|
A door of Stan's memory opens behind Dipper. It shows Stan as a kid getting bullied by other kids and running with tears while the bullies cruelly mock him.
|
Stan
|
So one summer, my pop signs up me for boxing lessons.
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|
A door of Stan boxing opens. He is getting punched by his opponent.
|
Stan
|
And it was even worse than the school yard!
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Young Stan
|
Left hook! (Punches his opponent and his father is seen in the sidelines, nodding.)
|
Stan
|
Y'know, at the time, I thought my pop was trying to torture me.
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|
A door of Stan at the theater opens.
|
Stan
|
But wouldn't you know it? The old man was doin' me a favor all along!
|
Man
|
(Tries to steal Carla's bag.) Give me that bag!
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Carla
|
Help! My purse! Help!
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Young Stan
|
Left hook! (Punches the man in the face, shattering his teeth)
|
|
The people all around Stan cheers for him. Carla gives him a kiss.
|
Stan
|
So you see? That why I'm hard on Dipper. To toughen him up. So when the world fights, he fights back. (Hiding behind, Dipper smiles. He no longer feels resentful)
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Soos
|
Do you think it's actually working?
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Stan
|
(Points at Dipper)
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Dipper (in the memory)
|
(Chops the wood in a half) I-I did it! Ha ha! Yes!
|
Stan
|
He's really comin' along! When push comes to shove, I'm actually proud of him. Just... don't ever tell him that. (Playfully elbows) His head's big enough as it is.
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Soos
|
(Laughs) That's true.
|
|
Dipper grins and puts his hand on the memory, now realizing that his great-uncle cares for him. Then he accidentally gets into the memory, facing with Stan.
|
Stan
|
Whoa, kid, what are you doin' here? Nice hole in your chest, by the way. Let's fix that up. (Points his finger and the hole in Dipper's chest closes)
|
Dipper
|
(Surprised) Wh-what the-- How did you do that?
|
Stan
|
Word to the wise, kid. We're in the mind! You could do whatever you can imagine in here! (Creates a Pitt Cola in his hand and drinks it)
|
Dipper
|
Well, how about that?
|
|
Suddenly, the ground shakes with red lights flashing out the memory corridor. Bill is heard laughing manically; Soos' and Mabel's screams are heard outside from the memory.
|
Soos
|
(Off screen) NO! MAKE IT STOP!
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Mabel
|
(Off screen) HELP! SOMEONE, PLEASE!
|
Dipper
|
Oh my gosh, what am I doing? I gotta stop Bill! (Runs out of the memory)
|
Stan
|
Huh, fighting back.
|
|
Cut to Bill tormenting the gang.
|
Bill
|
One nightmare, coming up!
|
Soos
|
Nightmare? Hope he doesn't mean that British dog man I'm always dreaming about...
|
|
The British dog man appears in front of Soos.
|
British dog man
|
'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! Who's crike for a stick in the pudding? (Pokes Soos with his cane)
|
Soos
|
(Screams and jumps around in horror) It's everything I ever feared!
|
Bill
|
YOU! (Strikes a nightmare to Mabel)
|
|
Mabel becomes green and ugly. Her voice also changes low and slow.
|
Mabel
|
(Screams) My cuteness! (Voice distorted) What did you do to my - (In a low voice:) cuteness? (Blowing a raspberry)
|
Bill
|
You're next! (Points at Xyler and Craz)
|
Craz
|
Cool! We're next!
|
|
Craz dances with Xyler but they both get knocked out by Bill's beam. They burn and vanish.
|
Mabel
|
(In a low voice:) My dream boys!
|
Bill
|
And now to finish you off, once and for all!
|
Mabel and Soos
|
No, no!
|
Dipper
|
(Flies in) Hey! Bill!
|
Bill
|
(Sees Dipper and becomes shocked) WHAT?!!
|
Dipper
|
Nice bowtie! (Makes a hole in Bill with laser from his eyes)
|
Bill
|
AAAARGH!!!
|
Mabel
|
(In a low voice:) Dipper!
|
Soos
|
Dude!
|
Dipper
|
Guys! I just learned that you can conjure whatever you can conceive in Grunkle Stan's mindscape!
|
Mabel
|
(In a low voice:) Huuuh?
|
Dipper
|
Just think of cool fighting stuff and it'll happen. Like this! (Disintegrates the British dog man with his laser eyes)
|
Soos
|
Ha ha, he's dead now.
|
Bill
|
What? Who told you that?! Don't listen to him!
|
Mabel
|
We can do anything? (Comes back to normal, along with her voice) Like have kittens for fists? (Her fists becomes kittens; as she shoots them at Bill:) Po-pow! P-p-pow! Pow!
|
|
The kitten fists stick on Bill's face and body.
|
Bill
|
(Screams)
|
Mabel
|
(The kittens on her hands start licking her; laughs) Well hello, friends!
|
Soos
|
Anything, huh? Soos Love Stomach Beam STARE-E-E-E! (Shoots colorful question marks from stomach and knocks Bill off the edge)
|
Bill
|
(Covers his hole) Enough games! (Shoots laser from his eye)
|
Mabel
|
Hamster ball shields activate! (Creates a hamster ball around herself)
|
Soos and Dipper
|
Activate! (Creates a hamster ball around themselves)
|
|
The laser gets reflected by the hamster ball and hits Bill in the eye.
|
Bill
|
AAGH! Ah, my eye! AARRGHHH!!
|
|
Mabel, Dipper and Soos' hamster ball breaks.
|
Mabel
|
Rise, Xyler! Rise, Craz!
|
|
Xyler and Craz rise from behind her back with musical instruments. They start to play synthesized music.
|
Bill
|
No! Synthesized music! It hurts!
|
Dipper
|
And now to imagine your worst nightmare! A portal out of Stan's mind!
|
Mabel
|
(Singing:) Out of Stan's mi-ind!
|
Dipper
|
(Whispering:) Mabel! (Shouting:) Everyone, together!
|
|
The gang all concentrate their thoughts to conjure a crackling vortex below Bill's feet.
|
Bill
|
No, no, no! ENOUGH!! (Wipes the cosmos completely white. The gang all float weightlessly in the void. He becomes yellow again) You know, I'm impressed with you guys. You're a lot more clever than you look. Especially the fat one.
|
Soos
|
(Pokes Mabel; in a whisper:) He's talking about you!
|
Bill
|
So I'm gonna let you kids off the hook. You might come in handy later. (in demonic voice) BUT KNOW THIS ā (normal voice) A darkness approaches. A day will come in the future when everything you care about will change! Until then I'll be watching you! I'll be watching you... (Bill disappears, his words echoing)
|
Dipper
|
He's gone! we did it! (The gang cheers, but they then begin to disappear) Stan must be waking up.
|
Mabel
|
(To Xyler and Craz:) Will I ever see you guys again?
|
Craz
|
In your dreams.
|
Xyler
|
Good one, bro. Good one.
|
|
The gang wakes up in the living room, shouting in surprise.
|
Mabel
|
We did it!
|
Stan
|
What? Did what? What are you all doing here? And why was I dreaming of two brightly colored and radical young men?
|
Dipper
|
Grunkle Stan! You're okay! (Hugs Stan)
|
Stan
|
What is this, a hug?
|
Dipper
|
Nope! It's a choke hold. (Chokes Stan)
|
|
Mabel and Soos laughs. Dipper stops choking Stan.
|
Stan
|
(Chuckles) Not bad, kid. Not bad.
|
Mabel
|
I'm just glad Gideon didn't get into the safe. I really love this old shack.
|
Soos
|
Group hug! (Pause) No? I never know the right time!
|
|
The Shack starts to shake.
|
Dipper
|
Hey, do you guys feel--?
|
|
An explosion happens behind the sofa.
|
Gideon
|
Oh, I'm sorry, Pines family. Did I wake you?
|
Dipper
|
But... we defeated Bill!
|
Gideon
|
Bill failed me! So I switched to plan B: dynamite!
|
Stan
|
What? Bill? Who? What are you guys talking about?
|
Gideon
|
Spoiler alert, Stanford! I've got the deed! (Shows the family the deed) The Mystery Shack belongs to me! So get off my property! (By a handheld transceiver:) Daddy? Bring it around the front.
|
Dipper
|
Don't worry, guys! It's just part of the dream! We're gonna wake up any second now! Right? Right?
|
|
Bud Gleeful drives a crane with a wrecking ball to the shack. Gideon laughs evilly as the wrecking ball smashes the Mystery Shack's sign.
|
All
|
(Screams)
|
Soos
|
Someone pinch me, dude...
|
|
The broken sign falls in front of the gang.
|
|
Cut to end credits, slowed down in a Twins Peaks style. It says: To Be Continued...
|