Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Roadside Attraction"

Next: "TBA"

!	This page is under construction. Therefore, please excuse its informal appearance while it's being worked on. We hope to have it completed as soon as possible.

	Episode opens with Dipper sleeping.
Dipper Pines	(screams)
Mabel Pines	(as Mr. Upside-Downington:) Mornin', Dipper. Guess who!
Dipper	Oh, what joy. If it isn't Mr. Upside-Downington. How long's it been? Third grade, maybe?
Mabel	(as Mr. Upside-Downington:) That's right. And I'm here to deliver you an upside-downington-tastic message!
Dipper	Is it the message that we're getting too old for this sort of thing?
Mabel	Um, kinda, actually. It's that we are exactly one week away from our 13th birthday!
Dipper	Woah! Are our birthdays coming up already? (gasps) Soon we're gonna be actual teenagers!
Mabel	Finally! I can stop reading preteen magazines and start reading post-preteen magazines.
Dipper	PG-13 movies, here I come!
Mabel	And just one more year until high school. High school, Dipper! Where girls become women and they teach us stuff about...(turns Dipper around and whispers) You know what.
Dipper	Trigonometry?
Mabel	Oh yeah, baby!
	Grunkle Stan and Soos enter.
Stan	That's not the only good news coming up! In one week my senior citizen's ponytail kit is coming in the mail. I'm--I'm kinda going through some things.
Soos	In one week, my grandma is finally letting me eat crackers on my bed. The future is coming for us all, dudes.
Stan	The future.
Dipper	The future!
Mabel	The future!
Dipper	(laughs) I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously with that face on your chin.
Mabel	(as Mr. Upside-Downington:) What face, Dipper?
Dipper	You're--You're doing the voice so you obviously know what I'm talking about--
Mabel	(as Mr. Upside-Downington:) Bi bon't bou bhat bou're balking about. (Dipper and Mabel laugh)
Dipper	There is something wrong with you.
Mabel	There's something wrong with both of us.
	Cut to theme song.
	Scene changes to Mystery Shack main room
Mabel	Alright, party planners. In one week we become teenagers, and our summer vacation winds to an end. So we need to throw the greatest party of all time! I'm talking pinata's with tinier pinatas inside.
Soos	Boom, dreams comin' true. (Pours little pinatas into a pinata)
Mabel	I'm talking inviting everyone in town. Let's see, where do we stand with the gnomes?
Stan	Not so fast, goofus and girl goofus. (Walks into the room) After that zombie incident, no one's throwing another party at my house. I keep finding little bits of the undead in the couch cushions.
Mabel	But Grunkle Stan, we need some roof to raise.
Soos	Dude, you could rent out the Gravity Falls High School gym, and have your party there. That place is empty, all summer long.
Mabel	The gym's a great idea, Soos. To the high school!
	The entire house quakes, startling everyone.
Ford	Dipper, my face is on fire!
Dipper	I'll just be a sec.
	Cut to Ford's Room
Dipper	Great Uncle Ford, are you ok?
Ford	Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Dipper	But your face is on fire.
Ford	Yes, it's much faster than shaving. Now, listen Dipper, I have a very important mission, and you are the only one who can help me. (Pulls out the rift) Remember the rift in dimensional space-time I showed you? (Rift cracks) It's cracking. This is what Bill has been waiting for. If it breaks, it will cause reality as we know it to completely unravel. A hypothetical and catastrophic event I call Weirdmageddon.
	Shocked Music
Ford	Bill is out there, and he'd use any trick, from deception to outright possession to make this happen. But for the sake of humanity, we mustn't let him.
Dipper	What do we do?
Ford	We patch the rift. I'll explain on the way.
Dipper	Wait, what about Mabel?
	Mabel enters
Mabel	It's ok, Dipper. You should totally go with Grunkle Ford to save the world or whatever.
Dipper	Are you sure?
Mabel	We're going to be doing birthday junk all week. Plus, I packed us walky-talkies. Here's one for my party mission, and one for your smarty mission.
	Twins laugh
Ford	(Clears throat) I did mention that the fate of the universe is at stake, didn't I? Hurry, we haven't much time. (Leaves)
Dipper	Ok Dipper. It's your first big mission with Ford. A chance to prove yourself. Don't mess this up. (Runs and hits the wall) Ow! Ah, (Laughs) I'm alright. Heh heh. (Runs out and crashes) Ahh!
	Scene change to Gravity Falls High School
Mabel	Wow Soos, I thought you said this place was empty.
Wendy	My dawgs, what up?
Mabel	Wendy, what are you doing here?
Wendy	Ugh, high school registration.