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This article contains information on a subject that is not considered canon in the Gravity Falls universe.

Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirates' Treasure!: Select Your Own Choose-Venture is a non-canon Gravity Falls book written in the "Choose Your Own Adventure" style. Written by Jeff Rowe and illustrated by Emmy Cicierega, the book was released on July 26, 2016, alongside Gravity Falls: Journal 3.

Production information[]

Title description[]

Once upon a time... travel, Blendin Blandin searches for the legendary Time Pirate's Treasure, and he needs Dipper and Mabel's help-and yours, too! Journey through time, exploring the dragon-infested medieval era, the weird-and-wild west, and the laser-and-giant-baby-filled future. Will YOU make the right choices to help find the greatest treasure ever known? Or is it only a matter of time before the twins and Blendin are clutched by the hands of time?! This all-new Select Your Own Choose-Venture time-travel treasure hunt features thrilling adventures, original artwork, and an exclusive double-sided poster! 3 choises you have, which one? The Old West (or the old, old west?). Medieval Times (or Medieval England), or 20705 (The Future!).

Plot[]

Introduction[]

Blendin showing Dipper and Mabel a treasure map

Blendin shows Dipper and Mabel the treasure map of the Time Key locations

Dipper and Mabel find Blendin Blandin digging up many holes in the Gravity Falls forest as he looks for the legendary Time Pirates' Treasure – a collection of the world's famous treasures including the Holy Grail and the Philosopher's Stone. Blendin confesses he still has a difficult time after the twins helped him get back his job and desires the treasure to gain the respect he needed. Blendin then seeks the twins' help.

  • If the twins decline to help out, the twins go back to the Shack, but both soon express regret of missing out an "adventure of a lifetime". The adventure ends here.
  • If the twins decide to help out, Blendin tells them the treasure is hidden on a time island only accessible by a specific time portal unlockable by a Time Key. The Time Key can be found in medieval England, Old West or 2012, but Dipper soon corrects Blendin that the key is in 20705.

Here, the trio have three adventures to embark on:

  • The Wild West
  • The Future
  • Medieval Times

The Wild West[]

Dipper Mabel and Blendin in the old west

They arrive at Calamity Junction

The twins and Blendin arrive in Calamity Junction. In Shopkeeper Sprott's shop, they have three leads:

  • Shopkeeper Sprott claims he saw a man losing that key with the outlaws in the saloon.
  • A woman claims the man traded the key with the town prospector.
  • A man with short shorts and a mustache claims the man has left town on the last train with the key, and the train can only be stopped by a train robbery.

Commit a great train robbery[]

Bandits Dipper and Mabel witnessing Blendin falling from his horse

The twins and Blendin attempt a train robbery

The trio have the option either to ride up the train like outlaws, or sneak aboard the train in disguise.

  • As outlaws, Dipper and Mabel debate whether to block the train or perform a high-speed boarding.
    • The trio successfully stall the train. If Dipper tries to threaten the passengers, everyone laughs at his kitten sneeze. The twins return to their time with Dipper's sneeze now reenacted by Stan's newly-bought penny arcade machine. If Mabel talks, the trio board the train with the passengers offering their valuables. But the key has been sold off back in town. They are offered to stay for sarsaparillas, which gives the trio dysentery but recovers when they return to their time. If they decline the sarsaparillas, they return to town to follow up on the other two leads.
    • As the trio attempt the high-speed boarding, Blendin falls off his horse and the lawmen catch up to them. If they run for it, the twins become known as the infamous Calamity Brothers as they decide to persue the criminal lifestyle given their feared reputation. If they surrender, the trio get arrested but are soon let off and given the choice to follow up on the other two leads.
  • As passengers, Blendin (disguised as a lady) gets smitten by a gentleman, while the twins go look for the key. They come to a restricted car, and they are confronted by the conductor.
    • Mabel takes the conductor hostage and a commotion erupts, leading to the lawmen coming aboard the train. If they make the run for it, they become lost in the desert. If they surrender, the trio get arrested but are soon let off and given the choice to follow up on the other two leads.
    • If they stall for time, Blendin intervenes with his suitor P. B. Peckinbridge. He lets them see the car which turns out to be a car full of grain. Blendin's disguise slips and they have to leave the train, so they return to town to follow up on the other two leads.

Embark on a mining adventure[]

Dipper Mabel and Blendin on a mine cart

Dipper, Mabel and Blendin on their mining adventure

The trio encounter a suspicious prospector named Jugsley, whose baron mine is filled with piles of clothes and pocket watches. The prospector leads them to a fork, one which is lit and the other in darkness. Jugsley claims the key is in the dark tunnel. If they follow the boron, they end up in a dark pit forever. If they go to the other way, Jugsley tries to kill them and the trio runs to the end of the tunnel, where they debate caving in the tunnel behind them or fleeing away in a mine cart.

If they blow up the mine, the trio discover a source of underground petroleum. Blendin then stays in the past to oversee oil-drilling operations and bury the profits for Dipper and Mabel to dig up in the future. However, the twins return to a dystopian Gravity Falls now run by Toby Determined who has found the gold and used it to buy machines of terror. The oil-soaked time tape has been busted and they cannot change the past.

If they take the mine cart, they crash into a treasure room, but the key has already been taken away by famed gambler Chazforth Bumpkinfudder of Kenosha, Wisconsin. They deduce he has gambled the key to the outlaws in the saloon, and hence the trio made their way to the saloon.

Confront the outlaws in the saloon[]

Dipper entering a saloon

Dipper goes ahead to confront the outlaws in the saloon

As Dipper enters the saloon, he stumbles and causes a row of sarsaparilla bottles to crash on the lap of Wild Eyes Joe, the most feared outlaw in the land. Offended, Joe demands who Dipper is, and Dipper either tells him the trio are the new saloon entertainment, or play it cool and pretend he's here for the game.

  • If Dipper tells him the trio are the new saloon entertainment, they go up to the stage and improvise a song which is well-received. Blendin enjoys the praise from the outlaws and decides to stay in the wild west, but Dipper and Mabel soon get tired after many performances. When the twins return to their present, they learn that lizard reptoids has taken over the world and Dipper and Mabel are captured by one disguised as their Grunkle Stan.
  • If Dipper tells him he is here for the game, he then joins the outlaws in go fish and wins many rounds, much to Wild Eyes Joe's fury and he demands a shoot-out.
    • If the trio flee, they overpower the outlaws with their "future gadgets" (Mabel's glitter and Blendin's laminated ID) and they are rounded up as witches by Sprott. They escape to the present, while Sprott is burnt alive for letting the "witches" escape.
    • At the shoot-out, Dipper does not have a blaster and Blendin offers him two laser blasters from the future. The long and skinny blaster turns out unstable and rips a tear in space-time, leading to the collapse of their universe. Dipper manages to overpower Wild Eyes Joe with the short and fat blaster, as Joe misses due to Dipper's short height. Shopkeeper Sprott reveals he has lied about the key and wanted the trio to scare him off, and hence gives them the key once they do so.

The Future[]

In 20705, Blendin says two Time Pirates are captive in this time: Davy Time-Jones and Dos Hunthou.

  • Davy Time-Jones is locked up in the highly-secure Infinetentiary and the trio will have to break him out.
  • Dos has become an indentured servant to a wealthy space racer. To free Dos, they have to win a dangerous space race.

Future Prison Break[]

After confessing their time crimes to a passing police officer, they are arrested and sent to the Infinetentiary. A gang food fight breaks out in the cafeteria, and Davy Time-Jones approaches them, asking if they are affilifated with the Time Dukes or Clock Kings. If Dipper says Time Dukes, they offend Davy Time-Jones, who is a Clock King and the fight intensifies, ending with the warden intervening. The trio get blamed for instigating the fight and put into solitary confinement.

If Dipper says Clock Kings, they are welcomed by Davy Time-Jones who protects them from the Time Dukes. Davy Time-Jones also reveals that his gang (Davy Time-Jones and Chamillacles) plans to break out of prison. At midnight, as the alarm sounds, the gang misses the getaway car, so they have two options whether to disguise as guards or steal a spaceship.

Mabel pilots the spaceship and they are soon blocked by an enormous spaceship commandeered by General Crustaceous Lob-Star. If they fly into the asteroid field, they learn that the field is actually a debris field of old satellites. They end up trapped watching TV forever. If they fly towards the ship, they end up either trapped on another prison aboard the ship, or the Titanic crashing into them due to a time explosion.

In their escape, as Davy Time-Jones inputs the wrong password to a door, they are separated by a chasm, and. Davy Time-Jones urges them to hand over their blaster so he can blast open the door. If Dipper distrusts Davy Time-Jones and tries to leap over the chasm, he ends up falling forever with Chamillacles. Otherwise, Davy Time-Jones blasts a guard sneaking behind them and they manage to escape. However, the time cops soon catch up with them. If Dipper allows the cops to take Davy away, the twins return back to their time, while Dipper grapples with the guilt of turning Davy Time-Jones in. Otherwise, Davy tells them the time key is actually with Dos Hunthou, so they have to win him from the space race. Davy departs on a two-headed Komodo dragon and rides into the sunset.

Space Race[]

The trio need a space racer and Blendin brings them to Glorglax Gleeful, now a space racer sales-borg. They are offered the finest space racer, but as Blendin doesn't have the money, they have to win a bet or go with a lesser racer. They will lose the probability square and end up trapped in the future.

At the space race, Blendin cuts a deal with Emperor Snorgshong, who's keeping Dos Hunthou captive, while Dipper and Mabel argue who will drive. As Dipper forgets to put on his seatbelt, they get eaten up by Time Baby. Mabel realizes they have to go up against Toby Determined, who has fallen into a time pool and now racing for Emperor Snorgshong. As they approach the finish line, Blendin, who has been guiding the twins through the race, tells them they have two options to overtake Toby; slingshot from a pit and risk going into a time vortex, or detonate their boosters and risk crashing into the wall. The attempt to slingshot brings the twins to the Axolotl. Otherwise, they win the match and the freed Dos Hunthou gives them the key while offering his service to the trio. The trio bring Dos to the present where Soos takes care of Dos before time jumping to Time Island.

Medieval Times[]

The trio are soon captured by knights and brought to the king. Dipper and Blendin then tells the king they are looking for the Time Key. The king replies that one of the Time Pirates left a key with him, but before he can tell them more about the key, he offers the trio three royal tasks to complete:

  • Battle the suitor of the king's daughter
  • Slay the dragon who stole his goblet
  • Find the missing wizard in the dungeons

Battle the knight[]

Dipper jousting on a horse

Dipper jousts against Sir Swollsley

Dipper now steps up to challenge against Sir Swollsley and is given two challenges: chess or joust. In chess, Sir Swollsley soon checkmates Dipper, for he is the greatest chess player in mine fraternity. Upon defeat, the trio are sent to the dungeons.

Mabel and Blendin are surprised when Dipper chooses jousting, and Dipper admitted it was "not a good slip of the tongue". Unexpectedly, Dipper soon defeats the knight as Swollsley's lance went right over Dipper due to his short height. Having defeated Swollsley, Dipper must now take the king's daughter's hand in marriage. Dipper cannot refuse, for it would have been an insult to the king and he would have to pay the consequences. So he has to find a replacement suitor or accept the marriage.

The king's daughter is revealed to be Wendinella. If the trio brings Robbie as a replacement suitor for Wendinella, Robbie, now king, makes the trio his slaves. Dipper is enamoured by Wendinella, though Mabel urges him to reconsider. If Dipper continue with the marriage, both go on to lead very happy lives together as they go around to solve medieval mysteries together. Dipper, on Wendinella's encouragement, writes vague terrifying prophecies under the name Nostradamus. The two then live happily ever after.

Dipper walks away from the altar and they return to their time. Dipper becomes despondent upon seeing present-day Wendy in an old dress she found. Mabel tells Wendy about Wendinella and both decided to return in time for Wendy to take Wendinella's place and pull a series of wacky pranks and mix-ups. This is supposed to lead to the unwritten sequel: Mystery Twins: The Time Sisters' Quest for the Evil Time Twin.

This is the only quest or task in the book that, despite accomplishing the quest, does not bring the trio to the treasure on Time Island or have them embark on the other tasks for the key.

Find the missing wizard[]

Wizard dungeon

The trio have to find the wizard, Magnarfus the Magnificent

The trio are brought to the Labyrinth of Unfathomable Horrors, which is 500 miles of twisted corridors full of traps and dead ends designed to make all who enter them go completely insane. In the maze, they soon find Toby Determined, who winds up in a maze due to a time portal. If they turn down Toby's offer, the trio goes on to get lost in the maze and lose their insanity.

Otherwise, Toby leads them to the wizard's workshop before leaving to find more delicious cave fish in the caverns. Mabel accidentally activates a trap and the room is soon filled with Pitt Cola. The wizard then appears and gives them a riddle: What did the wizard do at the wizard convention at the wizard hotel? If Blendin answers "broom service", the wizard is insulted, saying that wizards don't use brooms. While he decides to keep the trio alive, he traps them with him and uses them as a test audience for his terrible riddles.

"Wand-er around" is the correct answer. The wizard then pleads with the trio not to bring him back to the king and wishes to be a confectioner and make fizzy sodas. If they let the wizard go, the wizard blows up his workshop and brings the trio out of the castle. In gratitude, the wizard offers two potions to the trio. With the gold potion, in the present, they are turned to gold statues as they accidentally wipe their brows in relief. With eternal youth, they retain the same age through the ages, especially surviving the Time Baby uprising. The trio then open a Museum of the Past, which is actually very educational and popular in the future.

The trio brings the wizard back to the king, but the king reneges on his offer. Instead, he offers the trio on embark on the two other tasks for more information.

Slay the dragon[]

TPT promo pic 1

The trio prepares to confront the dragon

The trio goes to the dragon den. The dragon flute given by the king proves useless as Mabel only knows how to play "Cray-Cray", Sev'ral Timez hit single. The trio instead sneak up on the dragon from the back and they soon find the dragon in his private sobbing time. If they try to battle the dragon, they soon fail and get flamed by the dragon.

Mabel is able to talk things out with Connerheart the Dragon, who tells them that the king has lied to them about the goblet, and says the king has been sending people to the dragon to get rid of unwanted trespassers. Mabel decides seek revenge, and they ride on the dragon to go back to the castle and confront the king. Under the dragon's onslaught, the king surrenders the Time Key to them, and the trio then time jumps to Time Island.

Time Island[]

On Time Island, just as the trio are about to reach the treasure, they are confronted by the Time Pirates and their captain Time Beard. Blendin reveals he has been using the twins to help uncover the treasure buried by the Time Pirates' previous captain Grandfather Clock George so that he can prove his worth and join the Time Pirates. However, the Time Pirates double-cross Blendin and plan to take the treasure for themselves and put Blendin on the plank. Blendin pleads with the twins to help him. If the twins leave Blendin behind, Dipper and Mabel end up in 18th-century France in a room full of cheese as they don't have the time tape to return to their time. There they become aristocrats, learn French and lead a normal life until they are killed in the French revolution.

The twins help fight the time pirates and soon win once the time cat is tamed by Mabel's ball of yarn sweater. Time Beard tries to continue fighting, but the crew mutinies before they flee away. The trio, once left behind, dig up the treasure.

Blendin suggests they can become double rich by going back a few minutes before and taking over the Time Pirate crew with the time cat so that they can loot through the ages. If they choose to be greedy, their attempt to time jump fails as they were on a time island out of sync with any time stream. They instead end up in the Land of Malfunctioning Time Lines among other versions of themselves who face similar fates.

Dipper and Mabel returning to the Mystery Shack after sunset

With the treasure, Dipper and Mabel return to their time

Otherwise, the twins return to their time safely with their loot, but Dipper and Mabel choose to not keep the Time Pirates' Treasure as they do not wish to make more choices such as taxes, investments and having to share the money with Stan. This then concludes the story.

Canonicity[]

According to Alex Hirsch, the book is essentially non-canon to the actual series, as it follows a "choose your own adventure" format, having many different possible endings. However, it does contain "one enormous 'canon' secret."[1] It is likely the Axolotl.

While Hirsch has never officially confirmed it, It is speculated and widely accepted that the canon secret in the book is Dipper and Mabel's encounter with the Axolotl in "the time and space between time and space." This page can be read in a hidden page at "www.disneyxd.com/awrongturn," a URL obtained after decoding a cryptogram on page 246. This URL stopped working and will instead send you to Disney NOW, if you want to see the page, go here.

The Axolotl, a giant talking axolotl, lets each of them ask him a question. Dipper asks him "What do you know about Bill Cipher?" to which he replies with these rhyming couplets:

Sixty degrees that come in threes.
Watches from within birch trees.
Saw his own dimension burn.
Misses home and can't return.
Says he's happy. He's a liar.
Blame the arson for the fire.
If he wants to shirk the blame,
He'll have to invoke my name.
One way to absolve his crime.
A different form, a different time.

This suggests that when, before being erased from existence in the series finale, Bill gives a reversed message that says "A-X-O-L-O-T-L! My time has come to burn! I invoke the ancient power that I may return!,"[2] he is actually invoking the Axolotl for redemption for his crime, and that there is one way to get absolved: he has to take "a different form" in "a different time." This would mean that Bill could return someday in the future, but it's unknown if this will ever occur.

The line about "sixty degrees that come in threes" apparently refers to the fact that Bill's shape is an equilateral triangle: three sets of sixty-degree angles (adding up to 180 degrees).

Secret messages[]

Main article: List of cryptograms

Non-canon trivia[]

  • On page 177, there is a teaser for a sequel book to Time Pirates called Mystery Twins: The Time Sisters' Quest for the Evil Time Twin. The basis for the story comes from the fact Wendy and Mabel travel back in time to trade places with Wendinella after Dipper decides not to marry her. While this book will never be published and was added in as a joke, it can be determined that the story would have revolved around what Wendy and Wendinella switching places would be like.
    Mystery Twins The Time Sisters' Quest for the Evil Time Twin

    Mystery Twins The Time Sisters' Quest for the Evil Time Twin.

  • Mabel didn't believe books were still made until someone on TV told her.
  • Dipper and Mabel's parents forced Dipper to take piano lessons when he really wanted to play the tuba.
  • In the scenario where Dipper refuses to marry the king's daughter, he is forced to marry a donkey named Ms. Gobblesnout instead.
  • In the scenario where he does marry the king's daughter in medieval times, Dipper lives out a lovely life in the past as a royal.
  • Mabel is revealed to be good at therapy when she is able to talk with a dragon about its problems.
  • Mabel eats raw sugar straight out of the packets in order to be able to race really fast during the time race in the future scenario.
  • The daughter of the king is named Wendinella and has a strong resemblance to Wendy.
  • The national anthem in Blendin's future is "Straight Blanchin'".
  • Similarly to the unaired pilot, one of the alternate outcomes has Dipper and Mabel trying to solve a riddle but not being able to agree on an answer. And like in the pilot, the correct scenario is that Mabel's answer is the right one.
  • The feared Calamity Brothers that Blendin warns the twins about in the wild west scenarios end up actually being Dipper and Mabel after they get stranded in the past in one outcome and decide to pursue the criminal lifestyle given they have a feared reputation.
  • In 3rd grade, after someone stole her pencil, Mabel launched a mock police investigation to find it and got suspended for interrogating people.
  • In the outcome where the gang picks eternal youth, Dipper and Mabel end up living for thousands of years as they are now immortal. Everyone else either dies of natural causes of when Time Baby takes over.
  • They found a confused Amelia Earhart among the Time Pirates treasure they recovered, which include rubies, god coins, gold statues, famous paintings, a copy of the Declaration of Independence and all sorts of riches.
  • Mabel believes she is capable of piloting a spaceship given she has made many paper airplanes.
  • Mabel reveals she is super bad at math.
  • The 1970s are considered the dark ages in Blendin's time.
  • Blendin still lives with his mom.
  • In one outcome, Dipper, Mabel and Blendin are killed when the RMS Titanic crashes into their spaceship after flying out of a time explosion.
  • Mabel once read half a book about Titanic and has no idea that the ship hits an iceberg and sinks.
  • The worst possible ending is the twins and Blendin ending up in the Land of Malfunctioning Time Lines, an inescapable time pocket. In countless universes, a few outcomes lead to a handful of them, probably twelve million, in death or getting lost in the time stream or just failing all around. Those loose time ends gravitate together through the time-verse and wind up here like burnt potato chips at the bottom of the bag.

Trivia[]

  • This is the only Gravity Falls book with an original story that is not considered canon.
  • This was the first and only book that Jeff Rowe wrote.
  • It was the first book illustrated by Emmy Cicierega.
  • This was the last Gravity Falls book to release in a twin format with another Gravity Falls book, that being Journal 3.
  • Copies of the book were given to fans who were waiting at the post office during Cipher Hunt for the P.O. box containing the next clue to be opened.
  • Dipper and Mabel die multiple times in the book. This in turn makes Time Pirates the deadliest and darkest Gravity Falls book, despite not being canonical.
  • Although it is accepted that the Axolotl poem is the canon secret Alex alluded to, he has never confirmed that it is.
  • Despite being the most well known aspect of the book, the Axolotl poem page is not actually in it.
  • At 288 pages, Time Pirates has the same number of pages as Journal 3.
  • Time Pirates was the second and last Gravity Falls book to contain a removable two-sided poster.
  • As Ford is not mentioned or hinted to anywhere in the book, it can be determined that although it is not canon, the story is set some time prior to the events of "Not What He Seems."
  • As Dipper and Mabel are on good terms with Blendin in the book, it can also be determined that the events take place after "Blendin's Game."
  • In the outcome where Lizard people take over the world, Lizard Stan says the phrase, "ZRSKRUAD SLKDH SDUIFH HVEE SCRUK SHDOIS SNARGHHH CHAAAAAAAA!" It is unknown to this day if this is actually a code or just gibberish and not meant to mean anything.

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External links[]

References[]

  1. Alex Hirsch (Mar 30, 2016). Tweet 715311437812371457. Twitter. Retrieved on October 1, 2016. “The book is essentially non-canon (since it has many different endings) but it contains one ENORMOUS *canon* secret”
  2. "Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls." Shion Takeuchi, Mark Rizzo, Jeff Rowe, Josh Weinstein, Alex Hirsch (writers) & Stephen Sandoval (director). Gravity Falls. Disney XD. February 15, 2016. No. 20-21, season 2.

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