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Transcript.PNG This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Cryptograms (short)." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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NOTE: Old Man McGucket is the only one actually present at all times. All other speakers speak only on the TV, and are part of clips from previous episodes. When another character is talking or appears, assume that the focus has cut from McGucket to the screen, and when McGucket is talking, unless specified otherwise, assume that the focus is back on him.

McGucket Cryptograms! Have you seen this mixed up gobbly gook?
Stan Pines Ugh, this again.
McGucket I can read it but I don't know what it means. (Cut to clip of McGucket) Yroo Xrksvi! Girzmtov! (Which is Abtash for: "Bill Cipher! Triangle!" ; cut back to McGucket) I tried all sorts of languages.
Mabel Pines Oh là là. Oui oui.
McGucket Western [sic] Manotaur. (Cut to a clip of Manotaurs cheering, with one holding another in a headlock and punching him in the face. Cut back to McGucket) Possum Sanskrit. You name it. (Cut to a clip of him dancing next to a banjo on a rocking chair. Cut back) I can't make no sense of it.
Dipper Pines (Makes chicken noises)
McGucket I guess this one will go unsolved forever.
Mabel Blarg!
McGucket Oh well. Time for my hootenanny! (Swinging his arm back and forth) Deedily dang doom doom! (Laughs)