Cipher is Real or Hectoring is a southern song first mentioned in The Book of Bill and formally released on its tie in website, This Is Not A Website Dot Com. Created by the fictitious “Pluckin’ Jim” Pucket, it can be found by inputting the words "Hectoring" into the website. It is unknown who composed it but Alex Hirsch is one of the singers in it and recorded vocals.
It follows a church singing about Bill Cipher and encounters they have had with him.
Background[]
According to The Book of Bill, Bill Cipher spent the 1950s or "The Swingin' Years" as he called it, trying to get into the minds of humans through their ears via music. However, every band he tried to start was a flop. Eventually, all references to him were banned from the radio, except for "Preachy Hillbilly Slop." One of the songs he released through this means was called "Cipher is Real," by “Pluckin’ Jim” Pucket. With remarks on the record cover like, "I hate Bill Cipher more than I love my son!" and featuring judgmental yodeling, it was not what Bill hoped to achieve but according to him, the record did make a great frisbee. He encourages anyone who can find a copy to aim for “Pluckin’ Jim” Pucket's unibrow.
Lyrics[]
(Chorus)
Cipher is real
He’s sinful and yellow
He’s a triangle fellow
With mischief in mind
Cipher is real
He’ll cause Weirdmageddon
So don’t be forgettin’
To leave him behind!
(Spoken)
Folks, I attended a church service just last Sunday,
And the preacher, who was a little old man with a great big heart
Raised his hand aloft to the sky and asked
“Is there anyone here in the congregation - get out of your pews, stand up - who can testify as to the wickedry of the triangle false idol Bill Cipher, anyone here, anyone in the audience?”
Sure enough, a little old lady, shawl wrapped around her shoulders, pearl necklace jingling off her withered neck raised her hand and she commenced to speak
She said, “ladies and gentlemen, I was once a law abiding citizen like you.
I sold cigarettes down at the train station to the sailors, coming to and fro’ across this great land.
But one day, I was lying in bed, and sure enough there he was, Bill Cipher himself, he said
‘Doris—‘ my name is Dolores but I did not correct him, so impressed was I, ‘Doris—‘ said he ‘—I’ll get you a husband. Nay, I’ll get you gold, silver, silks, and spices if you’ll follow me.’ And I’m not too happy to admit it, but I fell under his demonic spell, I began to drink root beer and listen to the jazz music. I'd dance late at night and steal teeth out of the mouths of animals and the next thing you know, my whole body was covered in triangular tattoos, if you don’t mind, I hope you’re not too bashful, I’d like to show you.”
She took off her blouse exposing herself for The Good Lord and all of us to see,
And sure enough across her bosom was a demonic triangle standing defied against God and Man with a pink t-shirt that said “um, I’m a little different, get used to it.”
And she fell to her knees and wept.
(Chorus)
Cipher is real
He’s sinful and yellow
He’s a triangle fellow
With mischief in mind
Cipher is real
He’ll cause Weirdmageddon
So don’t be forgettin’
To leave him behind!
Trivia[]
- The song and album cover is a parody of the 1959 Gospel song "Satan is Real" by The Louvin Brothers.
- The singer on the album cover that is meant to be “Pluckin’ Jim” Pucket is actually country singer George Jones.