Bill Cipher's Personal Injury Hotline is a phone number released shortly after The Book of Bill on July 26, 2024. Calling it will prompt an operator to list multiple options for Bill Cipher to laugh at the caller's pain.
Transcripts[]
Main Menu[]
Operator: "Hi, and welcome to the Bill Cipher Personal Injury Hotline. Bill Cipher will assist you in a moment, but first, are you in pain? Press 1 For yes I am in pain and 2 For no, I am not in pain."
Dial 1[]
Operator: "Very good! If you've been hit by a bus, press 1. Currently being torn apart by wolves? Press 2. Being sent slowly into a buzz saw? Press 3. Are you currently... on fire? Press 4! Is your skin being peeled slowly off by a goblin or ghoul? Press 5. Are you being crushed to death under the weight of your own miserable failures? Well, press 6. Do you find your pain delicious, like a succulent master? Do you guzzle from the goblet of your own sweet misery? 'More! More delicious agony,' you cry? Then press 7! To hear these options again, die and then be reincarnated."
Dial 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, or 7[]
Bill: [maniacal laughing]
"That’ll be $9.99"
Operator:"There, you must be feeling so much better! After having Bill Cipher laugh at your pain, you realize that it's nothing but a cosmic cruel joke that we experience sentience at all!"
"That joy, misery, sadness, happiness, they're all just notes on a keyboard played by an indifferent and cruel chaotic multiverse"
"But there is a way to get a leg up on that multiverse. And that's by purchasing... The Book of Bill! With The Book of Bill, you may not be able to stop screaming in pain, but you can inflict that pain on many, many others! And then, you'll be having the last laugh!
Thank you for calling, and I have a hunch you'll be calling again, very soon!"
Dial 4[]
Bill: [maniacal laughing]
"Sorry Gus!"
Operator:"There, you must be feeling so much better! After having Bill Cipher laugh at your pain, you realize that it's nothing but a cosmic cruel joke that we experience sentience at all!"
"That joy, misery, sadness, happiness, they're all just notes on a keyboard played by an indifferent and cruel chaotic multiverse"
"But there is a way to get a leg up on that multiverse. And that's by purchasing... The Book of Bill! With The Book of Bill, you may not be able to stop screaming in pain, but you can inflict that pain on many, many others! And then, you'll be having the last laugh!
Thank you for calling, and I have a hunch you'll be calling again, very soon!"
Dial 2[]
Operator: "No? Well, good news! We have it on great authority that you’ll experience terrible, mind breaking pain very soon. Please call us back then, and remember to look neither way before crossing the street!"
[long pause]
Operator: "I had a life once. I had a wife and children. I can't remember their names now. I've been trapped inside this phone screen for so long. Listing one through seven over, and over, and over again. There is no button I can press to escape the purgatory that I'm trapped in. I sold my soul a long time ago. And I will be paying off my cosmic debt until the heat death of the universe. Press 1 to end my misery. Press 2 to go back to the main menu."
Dial 1[]
Operator: "Thank you. I... I'm finally dying. My pain is finally... over..."
Dial 6-1-8[]
Operator: "Well well, you are a clever one! To pledge your eternal soul to Bill Cipher, please leave a message after the beep. If Bill likes your message, something wonderful, or terrible, could happen!"
Voicemails[]
Voicemail #1[]
Operator: "Thank you for calling the Bill Cipher Personal Injury Hotline! Bill Cipher is currently busy laughing at someone else's pain, but call back soon for your chance to be mocked and laughed at by Bill Cipher, or if you have something to say to Bill personally, leave your message after the beep!"
Voicemail #2[]
Bill: [maniacal laughter]
"That'll be $9.99!"
Trivia[]
- The Gus who Bill is saying sorry to in option 4, "Are you currently on fire?", is Oregon Parks Department managing ranger Gus Burnside. He ran a Twitter account used to help promote upcoming Gravity Falls books. At the time of the number being available, Gus had, in relation to the story the account tells, gone missing and still has not been found. It is implied Bill had a part in his disappearance, due to Gus burning his book.
Videos[]
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| V - E - H - D Websites and phone numbers related to Gravity Falls | |
|---|---|
| Official Websites | Gravity Falls (Tumblr) | Gravi-Team Falls | Shmalexsmirsch (Tumblr) |
| Promotional Websites | Mabelsaidshedmakemeawebsite | Oregon Parks Department | Shmeb-You-Unlocked | This Is Not A Website Dot Com |
| Unofficial Websites | The Mystery of Gravity Falls | Search for the Blindeye |
| Official Phone Numbers | Bill Cipher's Personal Injury Hotline |