Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-27708312-20170202163909/@comment-31166511-20170301053624

Ralphini wrote:

By the way, I liked that sort of fanfic thing you wrote, it was pretty well written.

What do you think of chapter 6? It's kind of a short one.

Thanks. I don't plan to ever write any Gravity Falls fiction outside of brainstroming ideas. Its really reading and brainstorming is all I'm interested in. If there are any plot ideas or character stuff you like, you are more than welcome to mine it for ideas, rewrite it, whatever.

After all it was only a spin-off of your original idea.

I finished reading all the chapters, up to 10.

I really don't think that I'm the audience for this, though. I had trouble trying to keep reading as Mabel gets hurt over and over. Then an entire chapter with Mabel running herself down in exquite detail? Not really the payoff I was looking for.

But, to be fair, I kept reading till the very end.

-I'm EXTREMELY upset that Dipper never had a single clue about Mabel's motivations or her real emotional state, hidden under all her denials. It seriously made me want to slap him awake. "YOUR SISTER IS IN PAIN! CAN'T YOU SEE IT?" -Mabel doesn't realize that hurting herself hurts the people who love her. Dipper doesn't step up to remind her. I serious want to beat the crap out of Dipper. I think I'll rewatch "Fight Fighters" and cheer on Rumble McSkirmish at the end as he pounds the crap out that little runt. -Mabel likes bugs, gives up on cute. Yes, I can see this happening a logical result of her condition, but it kept seeming like a character personality mistake. This transformation needs to be supported more. You are making a major alteration to a known character trait, the readers will have solid expectations on this score, so you will need to show a gradual transformation going on. It makes sense, the twins are growing up, so there is going to be some changes. Old interests will be dropped, new ones developed. But a deeply introspective Mabel? You'er going to need to show your math on this one. It's just too hard to swallow in one lump. Add at least one element of foreshadowing in each chapter about how Mabel's personality is changing. -If Mabel is going to burst into tears at the end, she needs to ocassionally droop in earlier chapters. If you don't show the cracks in the facade, the final collapse is far less effective. -In "Little Dipper" we see a notepad with all the different types of games the Twins like to play. I think a few of them ought to appear as Dipper's choices for Dipper Day activities. -Mabel just beats herself up forever in Ch 10. Granted, I'm horribly biased, but I'm trying to recall a single instance of Mabel being extensively and unrelenting hard on herself without at least getting an awkward sibling hug. DIPPER! HUG YOUR SISTER AND TELL HE SHE'S GREAT BEFORE I BREAK YOUR FACE! -I'm trying to remember a moment that was funny in the last few chapters and I am drawing a blank. Most movies give the audience some comic relief to break the tension. But I can't recall any recently. -Four days of Dipper's Day is just too much. There is so little to distiguish one from the other. Mable asks what Dipper wants, Dipper doesn't want Mabel hurt, Mabel gets hurt.

Can I have a story where the Twins investigate a mystery, now? Please?