Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-27708312-20170202163909/@comment-31166511-20170228005642

Damit!

I lost another post/review because I didn't take the precaution of doing Select All/Copy before hitting REPLY.

Burst like a soap bubble.

And the first time I tried to write a complaint post just like this one: POP! Gone.

Two word review of Ch. 4: Needs work.

Main points: -characters don't sound accurate. Possibly intentional? Mabel growing up/away from Dipper? -old writing habit of 1 dominant character, 1 passive. Mabel drives the plot and conversation. Dipper passively responds--only speaks when prompted. Dipper seems like he has been heavily sedated. This is not what Dipper is like. You can and have written Dipper literally 100 times better than this in Rotten Redhead. -Mabel treats bug power like passive superpower, not like new experience that colors everything she sees and hears. -Where is Mabel's cuteness? Mabel's swims through a world of cuteness. Being charming is her thing. Story gives reader teaspoon amounts of cuteness.