Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-31166511-20170309110948

Pacifica vs. The Gnomes: A Gravity falls story

The gnomes decide to gnominate Pacifica as their gnew queen. Pacifica flies to Piedmont to ask for Dipper's help. The pair return to Gravity Falls to find the gnomes have captured Pacifica's parents and are living in her gnew home. The butler continues to serve his gnew bosses because they pay him in diamognds and gnever threaten to eat him.

Dipper gives the gnomes just one warning to release their hostages, or he'll break out a new anti-gnome invention he's put together. The invention turns out to look very much like Ripley's cargo loader from the film Aliens, but made totally out of leaf blowers.

Dipper totters a little unsteadily at first on the long tube legs, and struggles for controll to keep the akward structure upright. But as Dipper get the blowers working, one by one, he can punch, kick, and blast gnomes left and right with powerful jets of air.

During one desperate moment a pile of gnomes causes Dipper to stagger back through a second floor railing, plunging to his gnome-bedecked death.

"Dipper! No-oooo!", Pacifica screams, her voice training working on the gnomes much like Giddeon's piercing silver whistle once did.

Freed for the moment from the gnome-kicking obligation to defend herself, Pacifica rushes to the broken railing where he heart plunged to shatter on the marble floor entryway below.

But then a familiar, beloved face rises into sight once more!

"Dipper, YES!", the boy declares confidently as the antignomic blower-loader carries him back through the shattered railing. Dipper hovers for a moment on a blast of air from the device's stilt like legs.

Pacifica looks up as the boy as his hair waves dramatically in slow motion in a wash of air. She has never seen anything more beautiful in her young life.

As Dipper lands, Pacifica joyfully throws herself into his arms. Her eyes closed and lips trembling. Dipper looks alarmed and then panicy, nothing like the heroic vision so obvious in Pacifica's eyes, as the girl's eager, yet unseeing face presses closer to his.

"Schmebulock." goans a very air-sick looking Schmebulock still clining to the upper superstructure of dipper combat machine.

Pacifica's eyes fly open. Flames of rage light in her eyes as her perfect moment is ruined by the hateful puny thing!

Perched right above Dipper's head, the suffering gnome grabs his stomach while making wretching noises.

Pacifica's cocks one fist, pulling herself up to her beloved boy with the other hand, ready to launch into a gnome-lethal punch.

Dipper, quite familiar with gnomic regurgitation, realizes the mutihued mess threatening right above his head. But the straps that keep him safely bound to his machine also keep him from effectively dodging left or right.

Grabbing his hat brim to sheild his face, Dipper ducks his head as far as the safety straps will allow. He grimaces, anticipating a warm liquid flow dripping down his face any second!

Strangely, the warmth doesn't come from above as Dipper expected. It seems to be coming from below. And it is'nt as gross like he'd feared. It was actually kind of pleasant.

And smelled really nice. The feeling played around his mouth and Dipper just seemed to forget all about grimacing. His lips and jaws relaxed into what seemed like the most natural posistion in the world.

Dipper seemed to have forgotten something he'd thought very important just a moment ago. But it didn't seem so very important as the strange phenomenon that was occupying his full and complete attention. It seemed a little odd to Dipper that the usually buzzing nest of frantic thoughts usually spinning through his brain seemed to have quieted. He felt as if he were floating in a timeless, weightless void. Freed of anxiety and fear.

He didn't even feel itchy.

Well, not the same sort of itchy, anyway. A persistant voice that would not be silenced spoke up in the back of Dipper's. No matter what this strange new warm, soft, nice-smelling...whatever it was. Dipper was still a scientist at heart...nice...so if he was going to spend so much time on this new experience...yeah...then he should investigate it properly and learn it's extent and properties.

After some time Dipper seemed to recall that his hand were at the ends of his arm when he last saw them...mmmm...so they would...ooooo....they would probably still be there.

The small rational part of Dipper's mind still working was...was quite proud of that chain of logic, took a moment to admire it's...simple beauty.

Yeah.

Back on task, the last little rational part of Dipper's brain worked out the commands to extend his arms. That done, it settled back to wait for a senory report from the hands and fingers.

The hand soon reported back that they hadn't traveled very far before encounter some kind of soft, fuzzy barrier that blocked forward progress. The hand were currently analyzing the unique topography of this phenomenon and expected to be able to report back with interesting data, shortly.

The hands were in the middle of reporting that they'd found the edges of the soft barrier and were now working around the back, when the ears suddenly broke in with an a high-priority message that the language center had only partially decoded, but felt the partially understood message was worth immediate action!

The text of the messag read as follows: "Oh! Dippe-mm! Hmm-mmm" there were also sounds supiciously like throaty giggles and sighs, but the signal was odd, like it came from two voices and often drirted out of sync.

Then a scene from a movie Dipper hadn't been very interested in flashed across his mind and he realized that he was kissing Pacifica in a powered down battle-suit while a thousand gnomes who had had plenty of time to form up into a single huge Kilognome was reaching threatebingly for the entwined pair!

With an annoyed growl, Pacifica reluctantly pulled away from the love of her life and aimed an expensive-looking flashlight with what seemed to be a large flat diamond wired firmly to the end.

"You are *finally* all in one spot!", she stated with satifaction (on more than one level) as the powerful red beam played over the bipedal sea of horrified faces.

"Noooo!", a thousand voices all cried out at once and were suddenly silenced--by Pacifica's sharp demand of "Quiet! Now!"

The giantic, grotesque, cobbled-together figure rapidly shrank to waist level height on the young, but forceful girl.

"Height is a priviledge!" Pacifica scolded, "And I'm revoking yours, until you give up your kidnapping ways!"

Pacifica switched off the magic beam before the gnomes became so small that they could start to infest the floor boards.

Pacifica snapped her fingers and the family butler appeared without seeming to have needed to cross the intervening space from wherever he had been last. He was a VERY good butler and Pacific had always been careful to set aside a small portion of her allowance to retain his services any time her parents neglect seemed likely to drive him off to richer pastures.

"Escort this monstrosity off the premises," Pacifica commanded, "...please." she recalled, just in the nick of time. She was still learning this 'consideration for others' thing. It was difficult to learn a completely foriegn skill. But Pacifica had been used to displaying excellence, and as she cuddled back closely into the crook of Dipper's somewhat dazed neck, it did have it's unique compensations!

"Pacifica?" Came Dipper's somewhat strained and adorably hoarse voice.

Pacifica tucked herself in a little more comfortably and managed an inquistive hum to show she was paying attention.

"Where did you get a magic flashlight?", Dipper sounded slightly more certain of himself now that he was in mystery investigation mode. He tried to focus on the one mystery had a chance of solving, rather than the...uh...other one.

"Found it." Pacificica sighed happily.

What was she doing with--NO, nevermind! "Where--how did you find it? That's not Soos's flashlight from the Shack. And that crystal is a LOT bigger than the one I found, smashed, and fixed again. It's got no cracks either. There were'nt any crystals that size left where they were growing. Just the ones too big to carry away. Mabel and I made sure of that!"

"I read through your journal the last weekend you guys visted. After you were asleep." Pacifica stopped cuddling quite so determinedly. She seemed to tense.

"You read all the journals in just a few hours?", Dipper asked in mixed surprise and alarm.

"No. Not all of them. Just the parts that weren't too gross or boring...Are you mad?"

Dipper tried very hard to figure out the thoughts and emotions that once again buzzed discordantly in his brain. "Mad? No. No, I don't think so. Confused. Worried. Curious. Why would you go through the journals even a bit? I thought you were scared of this stuff."

Pacifica raised her head and looked Dipper right in the eyes. Dipper instantly began to doubt the wisdom of his line of questioning.

"I am. But I've never let that beat me. Not at anything." Pacifica's eyes softened and Dipper started to feel sure that he was going to be allowed to live.

"Things are so boring in Gravity Falls when you and your sister aren't here." Pacifica lowered her head to Dipper's chest again, "I thought, If I couldn't be closer to you--like this--that the journals could help me be closer to you when you were gone."

"So you figured out the location of the shrinking crystals just from just briefly browsing? The page doesn't tell you exactly where they are. I sorta fell across them the first time. And when I--um, made a more accurate map later. I made it so that no one could have just happened on it without, um, special help."

Dipper choose his next words with great care and poorly feigned casualness Pacifica could tell, but as long as he wasn't mad at her, it wasn't anything she felt that needed her immediate attention. She planned on having years and years to figure out her mystery man.

"Did you...did you have enough light the night you were reading the journals in bed after I dropped off to sleep?"

Pacificica gave him a look, say he was serious and held up the flashlight again.

"Oh. Yeah. It was a normal flashlight before it became a magic item--duh--sorry."

Pacifica grined and leaned in to nibble on Dipper's nose. He was just so--Mmm!--when he got that lost little apologetic boy look on his face. The lost look blossomed into a flare of panic, so Pacific released Dipper's nose a bit sooner that she really had an inclination to and snuggled into him again. Dipper's heart beat wildly against her ear for a few moments, then steadied down into a regular rythm. Pacifica had never felt so greedy for anything in her life--and that's saying something--than she did for this simple sound thudding with regular percision in time with her own pulse.

"So how did you get such a large crystal if there were none left.", Dipper tried reasoning it out for himself whithout even waiting for an answer,"You couldn't have carved a chunk out of the larger crystals. I know I tried. Mabel and I worried that it wasn't safe. Any cutting tool you use on them quickly becomes to small or too large to use. If you try to smash off a chunk, it shatters into fragments too small to be useful."

Pacifica shifted and giggled. He couldn't help himself, the sound made Dipper smile in response and start to lose one of the trains of thought he was pursuing.

Pacifica sighed. Dipper could hear the smile in her voice, even if he couldn't see it clearly.

"Did I really figure out something before my cute genius boyfriend?"

Dipper hardly twitched anymore when she used 'the b-word'. She'd have to be careful and hoard the next one.

"Okay. Genius gr-rr-ph-friend. Tell me," Paradoxically Dipper wished his voice would shut up and leave him alone at moments like this.

Dipper put on a dignified and stern look as if it somehow compensated for his still cracking voice. If only there was something he could do that would settle his voice issues once and for all. Or at least when Pacifica was around.

"What happens when you put something in the magic blue ray?" Pacifica suddenly asked. She been speed reading through Sherlock Holmes, Nancy Drew, and a stack of other mystery series. This was the way they talked in the books--asking questions instead of answering them. It seemed to calm Dipper down when ever she had been twisting him around her finger a little too long.

"It grows." Dipper answered simply, not sure where she was going with this. It was kinda nice being around a girl with a brain who used it for serious stuff. Pacifica was kind of like himself and kind of like Mabel and kind of like something he just couldn't figure out right now. But it seemed like an interesting trail to pursue.

"You grew one of the tiny crystal shards into a full-sized crystal?", Dipper was equal parts appalled and impressed. All that work he and Mabel had gone to to make sure the site was safe from the wrong hands! Wasted!

"Oh! Don't worry!", Pacifica rushed to assure Dipper, "I only enlarged one and I cleared up the remaining shards--when I had our butler do it. Those shards were sharp! I bagged them up and had them placed in the Northwest personal safe."

"But there were a lot more shards than could even fit in a safe.", protested Dipper.

Pacifica just looked at him blankly, "We have a very, very big and very safe safe. The shards will be fine."

"Well, that's a relief. But how was it you found the crystals if you never found my map?"

"It was a complete accident. I didn't set out to find the magic crystals."

"What were you doing when you found them?", asked Dipper, thinking of his own tumble into the crystal glade.

"I was running away from a thousand gnomes. I...I kind of got them mad at me."

"What were you doing around the gnome part of the forest anyway?"

"I already told you--it's really boring around here when you are gone. Now be quiet and let me appreciate you before you decide that you should be back in Piedmont again."

As Pacifica leaned forward, Dipper shrugged mentally. "Here we go again!" 