Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-27708312-20170202163909/@comment-27708312-20170220021645

Guyscopelevel wrote: I'm working on a reply now.

Short version: I liked it. Great character stuff as usual.

I did get hooked up on some of the background detail that a story needs to support its plot. When it mentioned that the circus toured Oregon and some surrounding states, that struck an off note to me.

Circuses are required to tour widely to support themselves. They are not that different from the bands of unemployed mercenaries turned bandits of the middle ages. They are both dependent on extracting the livelihood from sedentary population. Few towns have suffient surplus to hand over to a population of nonproductive vagabonds.

Since a circus isn't willing to use military force to get what they need from townies, they have to travel farther and spread their efforts among many more towns. Banditry is far easier. Slaughter the residents of one mid-sized villiage and take their food and you can relax for the rest of the season. As long as you aren't too greedy, the village eventually grows back and will be ready to pluck again in a few years. It's practically like farming!

I poked around for some real world info on touring circuses and hit the jackpot with a circus history site all set up for research.

Here's a page with circuses that made Oregon a part of their tours. It goes all the way back to 1911. Pick a circus about the same size as your fictional one and you have your itinerary.

http://www.circushistory.org/Routes/AGBarnes.htm

The reason this is important is because right now the plot feels like it takes place in a vacuum. The outer world is foggy and undefined; the story might not as well take place on Earth.

You need to add a few instances of how the outer world occasionally affects or impinges on your inner circus world. Right now it is far too isolated and trips my suspension of disbelief.

The lady nearly hit by the axe should be FROM somewhere. The town or state should be casually mentioned somewhere. There should be some acknowledgement that events at one moment are taking place a hundred miles away from some previous scene.

These are a wandering troop, so why does the story feel so stationary?

Real circuses halt for no less than 2 days of performances and no more than 12, depending on the population of the surrounding area. Setup and tear down require a minimum take to break even.

Real circues usually start with the largest city on their route and end with a large city. The idea is to build up a surplus profit and then the risk of going bust in a series of small towns is lessened. But if they hit gold, they can alter their schedule and stay where the living is fatest.

I think that a circus run by Stan Pines would be willing to risk tiny villages that other troups wouldn't, because Stan has, um, alternative methods of financing his troop. I'm betting that Stan group is more adept at breaking down a show and bugging out than most shows. But I'd hate to be a circus troup arriving in a town that Stan had just clipped. Tar and feathers are likely.

Stan doesn't appear much in the story. He should at least make an appearance to introduce the kids (and, incedentally, the reader) to the barely sustainable realities of circus life. Then when he skulks out of the spotlight, there is the delishiously nefarious implication of his nogood antisocial antics.

Work that in somewhere. Alright. I read over the thread you wrote, and overall I think it was pretty good. It was a bit disjointed, but it was pretty well written all in all.